Story.

Only story I've really began writing with an outline.

Part One


It began somewhere in the fall of last year, and I don’t know if it's finished, but I suspect it will never be. Like a beautiful landscape revealed behind a blockade of trees as the leaves fell, she came into my life, at first with but few glimpses here and there, but as time progressed, and as more leaves fell, I began to see who she was. Her name was a mystery, I always wondered what it could be, though I only ever brought myself to ask her what it was once. 
The first time I saw her, I remember, I was leading some sheep to feed in a field a little ways down the valley. She was walking briskly from the direction I was headed, her head down, her steps quick, her hands together in front of her, her body lost in a dark red cloak with its hood drawn. She was captivating. Just the way she walked, the slight sway in her movement, the hurriedness she presented, as though she had very urgent things to attend to. 
She passed, and I kept walking along the road. For at least three hundred fence posts I could still look back and see her, or at least I could imagine her there. I saw her everywhere, I wanted to. She was in the reflection of the stream where the sheep drink, she was behind a bush when it rustled. I thought about her for days, then I saw her again, walking the same direction, I just stood and paused, hoping she would take notice. She didn’t. Instead she walked by, head down, quickstep, hands together, looking very hurried. But this time she stopped a little after the trail to my house. It startled me something to see her stop, I thought she would turn to meet my eyes, but all she did was bend her knees, pick something up, and walk over and place it caringly on the nearest fence post. When she was gone I couldn’t hold myself anymore, I walked over to see what it was. It was a key, and old rusted key that I or some other traveler must have dropped on our way to wherever we were going at the time. Holding the key, I wondered if she always did such unexpected and unthankful things for people she did not know.
For the next cycle of the moon I watched for her, every day when I could. I had placed that same key on the path right at the fork where it split to my house, for I had tried it to every item that I could imagine it belonging to already with no luck. It worked. She came, I rushed out to meet her. I stood with the key at my feet, staring at her. She walked closer, walked right up to me, bent her knees, picked up the key, stood, and held it up between herself and me. Her eyes were the colour the rapids in the deeper waters of the river, I’ll never forget. We stood there, key held between us, wind waving our robes. Her hand was smooth and pale, her finger nails were clean and cut short, there were no rough areas on her palms that I could see, as far as I could tell, she had not been made to keep a house on her own yet, nor had she raised a family. She was young, possibly my own age, maybe a little younger, there was no way to be sure.
I held up my own hand, my sleeve falling back a little to clearly show her the rough callused hand, made so by keeping my house and raising my flock along with a garden large enough for a family, of which I had none. My nails were cracked and dirty, smears of dirt on my palms and scars all over. I could see her identify each one of these, and with each her eyes changed, from respect to pity, she could tell I had not seen enough winters to be doing this on my own, but impressed nonetheless. 
Reaching for the key, I grasp it. Holding my hand there, not taking the key, just holding it, eyes locked on hers, it felt like a cool breeze had washed over me in the suns heat. I was waiting, waiting to see what she'd do if I didn’t take the key, but just held onto it with her, sharing something, both of us feeling the slight tremors in our hands of our bodies shifting and arms swaying. 
In a world where everything is hidden, and people are no longer individuals, this was heaven, just the feeling of another human beings motion, and the company of only her gaze was far and away enough to make me fall in love with her. 
Then she broke the rules, she lifted her hand off the key, slowly, one finger at a time, and placed it around mine. I was stunned, I had not felt the heat of another persons skin in years, not felt their pulse, their movements, or their emotion behind their actions, their purpose. I felt it all, it wasn’t a grasp of wanting, nor was it for greed. It was a grasp to make sure what she was seeing was real, to see if I was who she had thought me to be from her observing me. 
I didn’t know what to do, she was asking me for something, but I couldn’t tell what. I was too confused, I was light headed from her hand on mine. She stared at me, her eyes were watery. I didn’t know what to do, i took up my other hand and held hers between both of mine. She bent her head down and started to sob, I didn’t know why. I was still confused when she pulled her hand away and ran off. I was left with the key in my hand standing alone watching the strangest thing that’s happened to me in years run off into the distance, possibly the greatest thing. And I could do nothing but head inside and wonder...
----
I am who is telling this story, my name is not important, as you will soon find out why. This story, if you have not already assumed, tells about my meeting with this girl. You’re probably wondering why I have not told you her name, or described anything about her other than her robe, eyes, and hand which she had openly given me viewing to. I am going to tell you why, because I know there are other people in other parts of this world who do not understand what we do, make no mistake, even I don’t fully understand why we do what we do, but we're forced to do it, and we're forced to do so by a power to be feared; the D'Tri. First off, the D'Tri is the top of the top, the highest of high, and is one family who has infinite power and influence over this land. Through progressive religious discoveries and scientific research, they have come to declare strange and questionable laws, such as we are not allowed to talk, speak, or make any vocal noise outside of our own homes. Even when in our houses, if anyone hears anything which was unintended for them, the speaker is guilty, so speaking anywhere, even in our homes, has become nonexistent. We must wear robes at all times. Large flowing robes or cloaks, both with hoods and long large sleeves, so ones hands will only vary rarely be seen. We wear masks fashioned out of soft metal, the masks are all standard and issued to each person when they are infants. It doesn’t fit at first, of course, so the child’s face is wrapped in dark cloth, covering everything but the eyes. The masks are cruel looking, with rectangle holes for the eyes and up and down slits in front of the mouth for breathing convenience. it is held to your head by two leather straps, one around the side, and one over the top, they are very tight. Human contact gradually has become less and less present. Lust is history, and love is close behind… Lust was left alone a long time ago, one of the first emotions to go, people were willing to let it drift because it was only a hindrance. Love, however, people are always and will forever be looking for, often jumping at the first sign of it and dashing its hopes of growing. Sometimes, rarely, love is left to its own devices, and it finds its roots in two peoples hearts, bonding them with an unconditional feeling that can’t be outlawed, no matter how much fear is behind the controlling force. 
Anyone who breaks one of these rules and is caught is punished, and punishment is death. There is no middle ground, no compromises, and no mercy. There are the rules, and there is death. This tale I’m telling you is true, as you know it is about my relationship with this girl and how I came to know her. It is also how I came to realize what the rules do for us, and how I learned to like them, and later, how I learned to love to break them. This story is meant to be short, but time will tell, love has a way of constantly changing shape, and describing something that is constantly changing is neigh impossible, so this is it.

Author's Note

this is only the first chapter or part or whatever, i wrote this a while ago and have tons of notes on where to take it from here, basically an entire outline, but i haven't worked on it in ages.

Reviews

[Lowesy]

um......first part i thought was brilliant, the description of feeling and of atmosphere and surroundings was really well written. The sentences were quite long so if you do come back to this, maybe add a full-stop here and there and break the paragraphs up a bit more. Also look over the grammar and shizzle.
Second part.....you dived straight into rules and laws and stuff, just seemed out of place. I was never a big fan of explaining all this stuff. Telling it through the story works much better. Like, if this bloke sees people walking around wearing robes, then he observes and explains, same with masks and such, but don't throw it at your reader all in one. Savvy?
There, you can think of me as a dick now haha I would say it's worth coming back to though, you have talent man!