a moment for the matriarch

it's my mom's second bout with breast cancer.

she's been as constant as the mountains

i've never remembered a time when she hasn't been there,

hasn't been my ground to stand on

and reach for the sky from.

and coming home to her

wounded

her needing help,

like seeing a mountain tremble.

 

in her quiet struggle

wimpers from across the room

hidden by laughter and sniffles

like hearing a mountain shudder.

 

i've never known a time when she was not there for me,

when she was not around.

she's as real to me as the mountains,

the ground,

the air,

the sky.

 

as they give life

she gave life to me

and now i see her draining.

 

her flowers are wilting

her trees are losing their leaves

her sky is gray and smokey

her rivers run red.

 

she keeps her struggle to herself

still trying to be the mountain that she is,

but when the mountain shifts

the life that depends on it

feels it all.

 

her flowers are wilting

her trees are losing their leaves

and her rivers run red

 

her children are leaving her

she is feeling lonely

she is feeling left behind

and empty inside.

 

i came from her

and while i'm still learning to like myself

while she says "i love you"

the only parts of me i like

are the parts where she shines through.

 

i've left this mountain now

but i will return.

the strength has left her flowers

but it wil return.

the leaves have left her trees

but they will return.

her birds have left their nest

but they too

will return.

 

this winter will be long

and dark,

but the spring will come again

and the holy water that flowed through her rivers

and gave life to all

will return.