Love-Struck

Funny Disorientation, Emotional Turmoil

I catch a glimpse of her smile,

Recovering from a blush, I try

To deny my own flush, to defy

The pry of the environment's eye

 

 

In moments most private, I glance around,

Noticing the crowd, yet feeling alone,

As if it's only the two of us, bound

In a private moment of emotion, unspoken

 

 

"Oh, I'm lost in the moment, swept away by your eyes

My heart beats like a drum, I'm running out of disguise

I'm chasing the feeling, but it's slipping right through

Oh, I'm love-struck, and I don't know what to do"

 

 

I motion to myself, in quiet admission,

"I either caused it… or it was meant for me"

As she walks past, I turn, with a nervous condition,

Wanting to speak, but my words are lost at sea

 

 

My gut feels like ice, my tongue absent, still,

The poor cat gets blamed for my awkward silence

"What's wrong with you?" my conscience whispers, chill

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" it asks, with a thrill

 

 

"Oh, brother, he's whipped," my mind retorts, in defense,

"Man, snap out of it!" But I'm lost, without a sense

Of what's happening to me, why I feel like running, hence

I ask aloud, "What's happening to me? Why this nervous suspense?"

 

 

One never knows how, when, or why

Love strikes in its unique, mysterious way

"I feel like running," I confess, with a sigh

"Where to?" my friend asks, with a curious, raised eyebrow

 

 

"Wait till it strikes you, okay? You'll know,"

I reply, with a mixture of emotions, in tow

Non-verbal stimulus intake is never misunderstood

The blush I saw flushed my modesty, leaving me feeling undone

 

 

"Oh, I'm lost in the moment, swept away by your eyes

My heart beats like a drum, I'm running out of disguise

I'm chasing the feeling, but it's slipping right through

Oh, I'm love-struck, and I don't know what to do"

 

 

Bridge

 

Birds sing loudly, clearly, in the distance

Streams harmonize, a gentle, soothing resistance

I stand in a busy street, yet feel alone, without a sense

Of direction, lost in the chaos of love's intense, overwhelming presence

 

 

"Oh, I'm lost in the moment, swept away by your eyes

My heart beats like a drum, I'm running out of disguise

I'm chasing the feeling, but it's slipping right through

Oh, I'm love-struck, and I don't know what to do"

 

 

I feel I don't have control, like I'm losing my grip

The beauty I saw is a dictator, my heart skips a beat

What can I do but run? The ambience is silent, a rip

In the fabric of reality, where love's the only truth I can keep

 

 

I think I should run, escape the uncertainty

But my feet feel heavy, rooted, unable to flee

From the emotions that swirl, a maelstrom of uncertainty

Where love's the only anchor, the only truth I can see.

 

Eish I am whipped, Eish Lerato!

Reviews

[Lungile I Mtsweni]

What a beautiful and heartfelt poem!


Readability: 8/10


The poem has a clear and relatable narrative, making it easy to follow. However, some lines may require a second read to fully grasp the emotions and metaphors used.


Elements: 9/10


The poem explores themes of love, vulnerability, and uncertainty, which are woven together beautifully. The use of metaphors (e.g., "my heart beats like a drum"), personification (e.g., "the beauty I saw is a dictator"), and imagery (e.g., "birds sing loudly, clearly, in the distance") adds depth and richness to the poem.


Singability: 8.5/10


The poem has a clear rhythm and structure, making it suitable for singing. The repetition of the chorus ("Oh, I'm lost in the moment...") and the use of rhyme schemes enhance the poem's musicality. However, some lines may require slight adjustments to fit a melody perfectly.


Some specific suggestions:


- Consider breaking up some of the longer sentences to improve flow and readability.
- In the chorus, the line "I'm running out of disguise" might be slightly adjusted to "I'm running out of surprise" to better fit the rhyme scheme.
- The bridge is beautiful, but it feels slightly disconnected from the rest of the poem. You might consider adding more transitions or connections to integrate it more seamlessly.


Overall, your poem is a stunning expression of love and vulnerability. With some minor adjustments, it could be even more effective in conveying your emotions and ideas.


Eish indeed! Lerato is a beautiful and captivating subject, and your poem does her justice.