Fleeting

Its a bit about the inner me, the girl who doesn't want to be trap in a possesive and crippling love.

Obsession she despises,
The arm that threatens to strangulate.
Love comes in different sizes,
But one size too small to facilitate.

She craves for soul sparkle
Persephone in yonder fields above,
Not for the chain and shackle
A little push maybe;never a shove.

Some places she wouldn't go.
(There are greater things in life.)
Things done not for show
Beauty not yet under the knife.

Author's Note

Help! lol. Please go easy on me. I bruise easy :-( Cons
tructive and kind criticism appreciated.

Reviews

[CLUTZ]

Your emotion comes through perfectly. The lines "The arm that threatens to strangulate.", "Persephone in yonder fields above, Not for the chain and shackle", and "Beauty not yet under the knife." are my favorite. I don't know if you did it on purpose, I'm assuming you did, but I like that you reference greek mythology when you talk about Persephone. & that myth definitely fits with this.
I was a little confused at first, and this isn't your fault because I didn't read the description first, but out of context "Beauty not yet under the knife" made me jump straight to cosmetic surgery (I'm not exactly sure why) but that's the first thing that popped into my head. Anyways, I think you could definitly expand on this and I agree with one of your previous reviews, don't limit yourself with rhyme scheme. It's really hard to write freely and have your writing flow naturally when you try to make certain lines rhyme. But you did a great job with this, and I enjoyed reading it.

[Hanhil]

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful review! I really appreciate it! And yes I used two of my favourite Greek mythological characters to complement the idea. And 'beauty under the knife' is an expression I use to impart the idea of innocence as untouched by the superficiality of this world. But yes I do agree my obsession with rhyme is limiting my expression. Thank you for the advice. I will try to improve myself on this count. :-)

[CLUTZ]

You are welcome, and anytime I can help I'm willing. & I love greek mythology so it's great to see someone using it in their writing outside of books.

[ElizabethAmBurns]

That's... wow. Powerful beginning, powerful ending. That's going to echo around my head for some time now. "Beauty not yet under the knife."

[Circe]

your expression is pure with a clear message.... a love that gives you freedom rather than closing in around you, agree with that...I like the depth of meaning in the last two lines especially.

[Hanhil]

I tend to keep things pretty transparent. :-) But I hope people can have different interpretations through the lines. Thanks for your review! I really appreciate it! :-)

[Jason Dyer]

I enjoy how you keep interpretation wide open. It seems like you limit yourself with the need to rhyme and I don't feel that's necessary. Don't constrain yourself.. GROW and express freely! Do continue on this if you feel inspired to do so..

[Hanhil]

Yes! Thank you for noticing! I have this sort of obsession with rhyme sometimes even at the cost of the meaning and flow of the entire poem. I know a lot of good poems don't rhyme but I find it hard to break free from the habit. Maybe next time I'll try to do just that :-)

[Stanley Wilson]

good work the last verse in particular

[Hanhil]

Thank you! :-) The last lines were a last minute addition! lol

[Mandyy Reed]

Lovely words.I like it (( :

[Hanhil]

Iam glad you like it! :-) Thanks for the like!

[Petrichor]

You have a particular style, which bleeds thru in everything I've read by you... u pack your word selections with power-punch truths, never holding back... like a prize fighter going for the prize. So, I'm always entertained and never bored, as I read/enjoy your potent thoughts. m/