I wish I could erase you.

There was a path among us

one of sand and dirt

and in the attempt to cut you off 

I dug

And I dug.

Dug for so long

Used up all of my strength

until a giant canyon showed its face

I thought it'd have my back

I thought those who dared to cross it

could accomplish nothing but certain death

And so for the first time in forever

I allowed myself to feel relief

I could finally walk away;

my mind jumping around;

so much to conceive.

That's when I looked in the distance

and managed to see

a blurred figure that looked just like me

it escaped the body the canyon put behind

and flew right over to my side.

my heartbeat skipping

its phantom presence glitching

saying while looking me dead in the eyes

you know, it won't work. All of that despise.

no matter how hard you try

I don't really need an invite

sure, you prevented me from doing my job from now on

but what I already achieved is very far from gone.

And so admitting my loss but respecting my win

I wander around pondering about what it all means

trying to suppress the part of me that wonders what could've been

if only my slate was wiped clean.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

The strongest aspect of your poem is how you SHOW using imagery to tell a story instead of telling the story. That's why the last verse is out of whack for me, becuz you are telling instead of showing. When a poet creates a series of imagery to tell a story, there is no need to put a summarizing statement about whatever . . . anything explanatory feels anti-poetic. Let the reader go! Let the reader feast upon your imagery, let your imagery take the reader wherever it may & who cares what it all meant to the narrator? Sometimes you have to restrain the urge to guide the reader. Just my opinion. This is a very excellent poem, regardless of that one minor complaint (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[DRAGO]

very good! It's powerfull, and I love the title it's very eye-catching

[Jibey]

I liked the way you unrolled the reel here and brought in the phantom story to make your point. I liked the reflecting, relaxed writing and the clever use of rhyme and half-rhyme to hold together the flow of the narrative.

One thing is for sure, none of us can undo the past - but we can address the future.... so...'forgetting those things that are behind'... we just press on... Don't wish to erase experience... it's what makes us what we are, on learning curve...

[hypochondrita]

oh for sure. not any erasing aspirations over here. thank you for the kind words.

[wordman]

what could have been,i wonder how many people can claim this feeling
just go with the memories