another lonely night

                 every missed chance to scream

                     fills my chest with despair

               always the outsider when I walk in

        rooms are nothing but psychological warfare

              everyone around keeps saying things

               and to their words I can't connect

               wish I could, don't have the means

                  at any sight of amity I deflect

                   can't be helped, won't allow

      my self worth is measured by autonomy somehow

                 I've been trying to take control 

     but I dug for too long to just climb out of this hole

       it used to be easier when I just neglected reality

           at one point I actually convinced myself

                     I was good at handling it

                   but don't worry, now I know

                     my so called good score

          only existed due to all the problems I ignored