Moving on

A Story by Liang Hsiu-Shan

Dear Diary

22nd August 2014

It’s been a while since I updated my diary but I’ve been going through some stuff but I wanna say this, it’s been two days since he passed, I’m trying to learn to live with it. On the bright side, I got a promotion at work!! I worked so hard for it. It would be much better if he was right here with me… He would have been glad to see me at this promotion, Can you see me?

-Suzuka

Dear Diary

1st September 2014

I see him everywhere, I can’t stop. I was buying my morning latte and I thought I saw him as the cashier when I bumped into a guy at the door, I thought it was him, Why am I seeing him everywhere? I can’t anymore, wiping my tears in my diary. I stay up all night, telling myself that I’m good but how can I be good? I can’t. I miss you, where did you go?

-Suzuka

Dear Diary

30th September 2014

Been smoking and drinking a lot, most of his favourite brands, Cherry cigarettes and Lost Forest

Whisky. I had problems with softpack cigarettes at first but I managed to learn how to open one out in the end. I think about what he would think of me doing these things, would he be proud of me? Would he be disappointed? I don’t know, it’s been so long since he passed that I can’t remember what he sounds like but I remember his warmth and kindness. Why did you go away? I’m still your girl, aren’t I?

-Suzuka

WHY DID YOU GO AWAY!? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE!? DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!! THIS MUST BE ONE OF YOUR PRANKS!! PLEASE!! I CAN’T ACCEPT A WORLD WITHOUT YOU!! A WORLD WITHOUT YOU HAS NO MEANING!! GOD WHY!? WHY ARE YOU CRUEL!? OH GOD PLEASE!! PLEASE!!! GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!! PLEASE!! GIVE MY LOVE BACK TO ME!!

Dear Diary

16th November 2014

I’ve stopped drinking and smoking, I realised that this is what he would have wanted me to do, can you see me? I’ve met a new guy, he’s a lot like him but slightly taller, he treats me well and doesn’t seem to mind me being hung over him. I think with him, I can slowly move on from him and I guess he doesn’t want me to be so hung over him. It’s about time that I stopped wearing diary entries like a little girl, I’m a grown woman now, I have to lead my own life, this will be my last time writing in here, signing off.

-Suzuka