What's Wrong With Me?

At nights I have difficulties sleeping, and writing these poems helps to calm me down enough to fall asleep.

What's wrong with me?

I've cried so long I don't even notice the tears anymore

my heart is so hurt it's like it isn't even there

nothing matters

the pain is killing me

it's only a matter of time.

I say I'm getting better

I say it so much I start to believe it

then it all shifts

my mind attacks me

my heart fills with depression

my body becomes numb.

I don't even know what to think anymore

my thoughts eat me alive

they point out my flaws

and fill me with doubt 

and despair.

Every day I try to make myself

feel something

anything

then comes the physical harm

it's a feeling

it proves I'm still there.

Then come the guys

they make me hate myself even more

make me do things I say no to

but it's a feeling

it's a feeling other than sadness.

What's wrong with me?