Diary of a Holocaust Survivor

This was a piece I wrote in year 9 as an RE assessment to try and capture the emotion of a Jewish child surviving the Holocaust along with some historical content.

July 1^st 1930

Dear Diary,

I am writing you from after my holiday in the Alps; Skiing in the Alps was a great experience. I finally learnt how to Ski properly without any support from my parents. The summer holidays are always a good time to come here and have fun. It is a break from the hassle of private school and dancing and music lessons which are quite boring but are “necessary for a good life” as my father always says. These are the few times I actually get to see my father because he is always in court working on his “big” cases which he almost always wins. He is one of the best lawyers in Southern Poland which is a one of the factors which lead to me and family living in a grand, country side villa with chauffeur driven cars and an influx of servants who will do my bidding. My mother however is a very well know Hostess here, she is known by everyone as a person who holds very exciting parties which she calls “small gatherings” , which is her way of avoiding an explanation to my father on why she spent a lot of money on a desert wine. We live quite a good life out here but there are a few who are quite envious of what we have as a family but it doesn't matter. We are living a great life anyway I wouldn't trade this for the world. I am however very religious I read the Torah every day in hope for good fortune for my family. I had a very happy childhood and I got whatever I wanted which most other kids didn't get so I would usually try and share whatever I got from my parents with people who don’t really have as much as I do.

               My family worked hard to be what we are today so my father insists on donating to the poor and unfortunate so every year we give all my old clothes, toys, books etc. to the children’s orphanage nearby. My Father does this to teach me and my brothers that no matter how successful or wealthy you are you should always give back to the community we live in and therefore support one another because who knows what the future may hold. "ve'ahavta l'reyacha kamocha, ani Hashem"'. This is one quote from the Torah which interests me the most it means “Love thy neighbour as yourself, I am God”. The reason this interests me is because God says “your neighbour” but what could he possibly mean. What does he refer to as neighbour? I always thought there was a hidden meaning behind this particular phrase but I don’t know what it is. Maybe someday I will find out what it is. Till then I would have to live with my curiosity I suppose. School is starting in a few days which I don’t really like. I want more time to enjoy the beauty and the scenery which surround the mountains of the Alps but I can’t stop the inevitable as it seems.  Sometimes I question why I can’t stay on vacation forever, which sounds quite stupid when you think about it. I’m writing this diary because I feel the need to record every miniscule detail about my personal life and my father says that “it gives a person the necessary tools to express himself” but I don’t really believe in this as much as he does but I have to do as I’m told because I am not the kind of person who disobeys their parents for personal gain etc. Well I’m not that inclined to continue this practice unless forced to but let’s see where this takes us so I bid you adieu for today.

11^th November 1938

Dear Diary,

I am writing to you because I fear tension is growing in the west which is slowly spreading its evil onto the motherland. 1933 was the year that Hitler and the Nazi party replaced the Weimar republic and since then treatment towards my family has been more hostile than usual. The Nazi rhetoric blamed us for losing WW1 and used as a scape goat for the hyperinflation Germany suffered in June 1921, they did this because Jews were rich and they “benefited” from the loss to the allies and we have also being persecuted for years due to the “murder” of Jesus Christ. I don’t know why we deserve such the fate of being blamed as a community and being referred to as “aliens” and “Jewish Dogs”. In 1933 after Hitler ordered that anyone who was Non Aryan was to be sacked from Government jobs, due to the Nuremberg laws in 1935 we were restricted from joining the army and the jobs of Jewish professionals were restricted by 1938, this was done by the Nazis so they could once again “cleanse” Germany of the Jewish Plague. I fear that this evil would travel east to Poland but I know that my life is never going to be the same again. I fear for the Jews who are now living in Germany, rumours say that they were ordered to have a red “J” stamped on their passports; I guess this is to differentiate them from the “pure bloods” and separate them from Hitler’s ideal Germans.  My father also said that the one day boycott of Jewish shops in Germany allowed Hitler the opportunity to let the SA physically abuse Jews like my family. They were no longer actual citizens in 1935 when Hitler revoked their citizenship and declared them “subjects” rather than actual citizens of Germany. Laws also banned marriages between Jews and Aryans to “protect the German blood and honour”. My father said Hitler is doing this so the entirety of Germany would be fooled to believe that the Jewish population is the “evil” that cost them their loved ones in World War one.

                   Things were also made much worse when in 1938 a Jewish man called Hershel Grynszpan killed a German Diplomat in Paris this only made things worse for us because the Germans responded by launching an attack on Jews and Jewish property, no one was safe in Germany so many Jews went to Poland, Paris, Russia and other countries the Germans call this Kristallnact. The newspapers described it as utter chaos they said 200 synagogues were set on fire; Jews were beaten up in the streets like animals. They said over 90 Jews were killed and many homes were destroyed. It started off as an act to humiliate us and now they have started to physically abuse Jews in Germany. My mother fears for our safety in Poland and he thinks we should go to Russia but my Father is insistent we should stay in Poland because he is sure that this tyranny in Germany would not spread to Poland.  When I think of the horrors that went on in Germany I think that it cannot get worse than it already is. I turn to my faith to pray for the safety of the Jews in Germany who are being hurt physiologically and physically but my family thinks that the allies would retaliate after they get news that Germany has broken the rules of the treaty of Versailles and Germany would be stopped before they would try to “cleanse” Europe of the Jewish “sickness” but my father says it would take at least a year to even try to get to Russia or any other country due to the immense amount of immigration their due to Germany’s acts of harassment towards the Jews.  

                             

 

 

 

September 1^st 1939

An Evil is spreading from the heart of Germany which is slowly incapacitating the entirety of Poland. The German’s invaded Poland and they are now spreading through the whole country like the plague itself. We weren't able to defend ourselves. I fear for the safety of my family, our house and our luxuries were taken away from us. The Germans arrived with guns and took all of our property and belongings. I don’t know what to do, but I have to stay strong for my family’s sake. Gauleiter is the local Nazi ruler in charge of the Poland now; I’ve heard rumours that he hates Jews like me and my family. This tyranny is making me think back to thousands of years ago when Pharaohs used Jews and slaves to build structures like the Pyramid of Giza and the Sphinx, would this happen again with the Nazis?. My father is desperately trying to reassure my family that this is only a temporary settlement and that we would we back to our normal lives soon. I tried to believe him but it seemed like false hope to me. Gauleiter would do anything to eradicate Poland of its Jewish population, it seemed impossible to go back to our normal lives now. They treat us like animals by pushing us around just because of our faith. They passed a new law which required all Jews to wear a Yellow Star of David and that all Jews have to register locally. We knew the price to pay if we didn't obey to their rules. After we were registered, we were immediately herded to a small house in the town called Lodz. I could hear the local Poles laughing as I walked to a possibility of impending doom. We were given a dirty, small room in which there was an abundance of rubbish laying in the corners and bedside. We were told to share it with two other families so there was a sense of claustrophobia for my family and myself. The room gave off strong, paint fumes which made most of the residents very sick and I could also hear the cries of children and clatter of footsteps in the floor in below me.

We tried to talk to the some of the families there and try to keep their hopes alive that we would leave this hell soon and that we would be back to our normal lives soon but all my attempts were futile there was not an instance in which they believed any word which came out of my mouth. Why would they anyway? I couldn't even believe anything that I said to them.  The next day we were asked to attend an inspection where the young were separated from the old and the weak were separated from the strong. I was deemed old enough to work in German owned factory making uniforms for the Nazis so I consider myself lucky many were sent to the construction sites where they worked long hours with little food to eat. Many died there while working so many Jews called it “destruction through work”. Most women and children were spent to receive special treatment and many did not return from it which leads me to believe that they were killed.  They used as a cheap form of labour to support their war and I do not receive much pay for my job but it’s better than working in the construction sites where you get worked to death. There Area where I live in is called a Ghetto because the conditions are very bad within it, and many people wish that they would rather die than live like this. I don’t know if there is going to be another diary entry. If I was to die, I would die with my Jewish faith rather than surrendering it to the Germans.

 

 

 

 

Paragraph 3

Conditions in Lodz Ghetto are getting worse every day; there isn’t much food so many people fight over ration tickets to make sure their families can get something to eat. My father and mother gave us their ration tickets in hopes that it would be enough for us to survive but it’s barely two mouthfuls of food when it’s divided between my brothers and me. I don’t think it’s going to get any better here. There are many children and adults lying dead on the streets of the Ghetto many of them have to starve to death but there are others who have been infected with the diseases that are currently swarming through the Ghetto like diarrhoea and bleeding gums.  Many children and elderly are found dead on the streets almost every day. I am desperately trying to keep my hopes up for a better tomorrow. I look to the Torah for faith which helps me rid my mind of any ideas of self-harm. A part of me wants to die so my brothers could have my ration cards and survive but if I die now my family would be left alone to fend for themselves which is a thing I can’t let happen. I have to get through this for the sake of my family but any hope of staying alive seems futile. Every day is a struggle to stay alive for us, I sometimes go around searching dead bodies for ration tickets but they are usually stolen right after they die. Some people even kill other people to get their ration tickets, The Germans are trying to make us look like animals and killing fellow Jews for food would just help aid their propaganda against us. Why do we deserve such punishment? People say it’s because they believe that that Jews killed Jesus but that does not give them the right to punish every single person who follows the faith as they did. Judaism is currently seen as evil and it has been since hundreds of years ago. We were forced from our homeland so we scattered into different in Europe. History shows that we were driven out from almost every country and some point in time. Why is being a Jew such a crime?  People say that they local Poles help the Nazis because they hate us as much as they do. We barely get any food to it, we have to work long hours for little pay and now my mental stability has diminished to that of an elderly man.

                                       Due to these reasons I can’t expect you to believe everything I say from this point on. They made us look like animals fighting for food so that we can live to see another day. What else are they going to do to support their beliefs that we are the trash that they are eradicating from the face of the earth? The Torah kept me faithful since the day they invaded southern Poland but now they have taken that luxury away from me. I am left with the scriptures I can remember which aren’t that much due to my mental stability at this point in time. Death surrounds me but the only reason I am living now is due to my family, if I die they would follow themselves which I can’t let them do. I am weak; I can hardly move a single muscle they say you only die of starvation when you refuse to open your mouth due to the lack of energy.  My parents are dying and I know that they are. I can’t do anything to help them.  They have to die for my brothers and I to live, which seems quite cruel but it’s the truth.  I have lost hope of the better tomorrow and I will be sad if I can live to write an entry because that would mean I am still alive in this hell.

 

 

 

 

 

Paragraph 4

The Ghettos are starting to be cleared. There are rumours circulating around the Ghetto that we are going to the country side. This However does not provide me with an ounce of hope.  Doomsday is already here and I know it’s only going to get worse. Some people however think we are heading towards a better life in Auschwitz but deep down I expect similar or much more deadly treatment there.  I have lost all hope for a better life so I would do anything to escape this hell hole. I don’t know what to feel about the ghettos being cleared. I lack the energy to think about the impending doom or better life that lies ahead. I only know that leaving Lodz is a good idea because I don’t think I can survive here any longer.  We were again rounded up like cattle for this journey into tiny compartments which the called “Cattle Carts”.  The train has no toilet, only a bucket so the smell of raw sewage and faeces infested the air and I desperately gasped for breath. There was nothing to eat or drink on the train so our best bet was to ignore all needs for food or a good sanitation system and just try to restore some “false hope”. This is was the only thing that kept me alive till now. Every day I think about the things I left behind in Southern Poland and it makes me wonder how this happened to me.  My mind was solely concentrated on the fact that I might die in the midst of this journey or if I might die in Auschwitz.  Many people on the train expected moderate conditions in Auschwitz but some speak of a mass genocide deep within the halls of the containment facility. I don’t know who to believe… I just know that I have to live through this for my family’s sake. If I don’t do this I would risk the safety of my family, which is a thing I can’t do in this situation.  The train journey was long and very uncomfortable; the fumes originating from the bucket prevented any kind of sleep. I looked back at those memories in the Alps with my family where I was having fun with not an ounce of responsibility and without a care in the world about how I’m going to get food to live for another day. It seems like another life time.

                             I shouldn't have thought about those memories of happiness. My life is condemned into a life surrounded with death, unhappiness and sickness. The Jewish faith is being punished for nothing. There are rumours like I said before of death heading towards my way.  I will welcome it with open arms as long as my family stays alive and well. I am willing to give up everything for the safety of those I love. I don’t want my family to suffer the same fate as I do when I get to the gates of Auschwitz which would decide if I may live or die alongside my Jewish brothers and sisters. I did not try to change people’s opinions that we are headed to a better place with at least moderately good conditions because that maybe the hope that is keeping them alive now. I have also heard news that the Eastern Front has been lost and that the Russians are advancing towards Germany but who knows if it’s the truth? I don’t know the difference between the truth and a lie now? I don’t know how they can help me in this situation.  I won’t say that I would be to write another diary entry because I myself don’t believe I can physically lift up this pen to write to a single letter.

 

 

 

 

 

Week 5/6

I have arrived in the gates of Auschwitz, many people were sent to the “showers” immediately after they arrived but I was selected out a few to work as a registrar in Auschwitz because many people were illiterate and they lacked the mental stability to write a single letter now. I was responsible to record the names of the people who were gassed within the walls of Auschwitz. My family was sent to their deaths and they refused to let me die alongside them. I don’t know what is making me live on in this hell. Is it false hope or do I believe that someday I would see life outside the walls of Auschwitz. What may the future bring? Every single day when black smoke rises from Auschwitz I break into tears and I think about all the families that were killed; all the sons, daughters, wives, husbands. It makes me think about my own family why was not I allowed to die alongside them?  This was the one thing I requested from the Germans but they turned me down and sent me to write down names of the people who have been sent to their deaths. I feel like the messenger of Death. I feel responsible for them. I feel that I am a cause to their death and I owe them my life because if the Nazi’s didn't record the names of the Jews that were killed I would be dead right now. I wouldn't call this “living” I consider myself a ghost, I can see the living dying without a cause but I can’t do anything to help them. This might be the talk of a person whose mental state is deteriorating but I don’t know if I'm right or not. When I look back at all the pages of the names of the Jews that were killed in Auschwitz, there were over a million of them hence the gargantuan stacks of glasses, shoes and clothes.  I stood there staring at the face of true evil as I flipped through the pages of the families who were killed until I found the names of my families.  I was too tired to cry, too tired to feel any sense of emotion so I just stood there staring at their names and thinking about what might have happened if I had died alongside them rather than living like I’m already dead.  I don’t think that I would be able to stay alive here any longer. I am condemned to live this wretched life so be it, I will die happily knowing that I am no longer an instrument of evil.

The Russians have liberated us from Auschwitz, they helped everyone from their cells and they saved many from impending doom. I wouldn't say I wasn't happy when the German Guards were chased and shot like the animals that they are. I have escaped from this tyranny and finally I felt like a real human being again. I was no longer a scribe for the horror that is the Nazis. I can die happily now knowing that another name would not be added to that list. The Russians gave us food; warm clothing till the Allies arrived and helped us rebuild our country. Records showed that there were only 2000 Jews now left in Poland that means six million innocent Jews were killed by the Nazi’s over nothing. This fact hurt me the most. I still have nightmares today where I am still trapped within the gates of Auschwitz. I wasn't lucky to have survived. I had to go through years of psychological treatment until I was able to talk to someone again. When the liberators herded the German guards away from Auschwitz I smiled for the first time in which seemed like an eternity

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this in Year 9 so please excuse any minor spelling or grammatical mistakes . I would like to know what all of you think of this piece of writing.