Holley

I am sick of crying.
I am tired or trying.
Yeah I'm Smiling
But inside I'm
Dying

Faking a smile, however.
Is so much easier.
Then explaining.
Why I'm sad

Yes I am hiding
What I'm feeling
But I'm tired
Of holding
This inside
My head

I wish I  could
Actually tell you I'm 
Faking a smile, and
That I'm not okay
Even though I claimed
I were then let you give 
A hug and stay no
Matter how much
I say I'd be fine alone

I want to shatter
This mask 
I want to not
 be afraid

I want to make
All the pain 
Go away 

I want to see 
Those eyes shine bright
I want to see
 that smile


But nevertheless, 
In my head 
If I open up 
Those eyes
Are going to fade 

I can only rely on my emotions
I try to speak
I'm trying to give you
 my soul

But no words come out
My emotions speak
the words that are not yet spoken.
My eyes cry
the tears that tell every fear.
I have a story  
A undying love 
that's aching to be heard, but
my mind freezes

I want the laughter
I want to hours on the phone
I want everything he has
Nathan has that confidence
That feels so far way

It's the worst feeling in the world
When feelings come and go
And you can't decide what you want
When there is so much to say
But you do not know where to begin.