Monsieur Dogood

Ben and his wife came to Oklahoma City to pick and a load and accidentally bumped into Monsieur Dogood, a Republican Senator who stands against the system and chose to do good to the American people.

           Chapter IX: Monsieur Dogood

When we arrived at Oklahoma city, I learned the fantastic story of the Republican senator called Monsieur Dogood. It was a nickname given to him by the people of Oklahoma.  Sika loved the man so much that he invited us for dinner. It was one phenomenal weekend I would never forget in my life.

Monsieur Dogood was an engineer by career before launching into politics. He was among the pioneer in the natural gas fracking technology. He became quickly wealthy and was elected at the Senate among the Republican seats.

He became famous when he changed radically and stood openly against the system. One night, as the story began, he dreamed. In his dream, he saw Andrew Jackson and Geronimo drinking together at the bar. And the two historical figures hugged each other and proclaimed loudly saying,

“Bury your weapons and live. Do the right thing, and be happy.”

Then, he had a second dream. He saw a white man with his wife and two children riding an elephant. The family sat on the animal that had difficulty marching. And he saw suddenly the face of the animal changed into a human face. It was a seventy-five years old Caucasian woman who had retired several years earlier. The poor Caucasian woman carried the weight of the entire family of the white man.

When he woke up, he bought winter clothing to all the children of Indians in Oklahoma. Every winter, he traveled every municipality and county of the state of Oklahoma to distribute winter clothing to Indians’ kids. And he stood openly against the wall on the Mexico border for its building cost. When his wife, who was a conservative, noticed her husband was no more a conservative, she divorced him. His wife was an ultra-conservative but worked as a model in cosmetic. She walked almost naked before lustful men and got paid a huge amount of money for it. And she was a conservative. She loves God and guns. And she divorced his husband, the senator, Monsieur Dogood.

Monsieur Dogood went to Mexico and took a wife among the children of Mexicans. When she brought his Mexican wife into America, they said she cannot be white and called her a Latina. Anna Maria has a fair complexion as Lady Gaga, and yet they said she must be a Latina. Since then, Monsieur Dogood was shocked by their attitude and began to denounce their wrongdoing.

One day, an argument broke up between them on the Senate floor. When he realized how bankers take the money of a hardworking American guy to lend it to another hardworking guy for a huge interest, he confronted them. He said to them,

-My fellow Senators, aren’t we all Americans and sons of liberty? Why then are we laying a heavy burden upon the people who elect us to guide them? Behold, we are killing the people; by the way, we govern unfairly. We are not walking on the ground of justice, love, and peace. We need to repent.

After saying that, the whole house turned against him. The senators sent someone to the lower chamber and called upon all the representatives to come and witness what Monsieur Dogood has said. And when the congresspeople flocked into the Senate floor, they stood against him. And one congressman said,

-Why are you trying to destroy our way of living? Why are you waking up the American people?

-Because you are not judging by the right standard. Your rulership is wrong and unfair. Why do you label my wife a Latina while your wives are whites?

And one senator, who had a bank in every state of the United States stepped forward and said unto him,

-We are whites. And we are on top. Haven’t we said that you and your Mexican wife have a demon?

-How could you be white if inside you are a salad?

And he called upon a scientist to come to the Senate floor to sample his DNA. The scientist took his saliva and extracted his DNA. He made the test and saw the man was messed up inside. But, when the scientist realized the senator owned a bank in every state of the united states, he feared he would charge 18% interest on his child’s loan. He changed the conclusion of the result and said,

-This man is a pure German race. 100% Aryan and six feet tall.

-I am five feet, he corrected.

He made that correction because everybody knows he was a short man. Then the senator who claimed to be a white man walked toward Monsieur Dogood and suddenly punched him in the stomach. Ignoring that his adversary was a champion in boxing while he was in college, Monsieur Dogood retaliated with an uppercut which sent the banker to the floor. He lay flat on the ground, completely knockout.

Then run forward another senator. He was short as well but a little bit taller than the banker. This one had an insurance company all over the united states. His company charge full rate to senior people who had retired and drove their car once a week. And he said,

-We are white, and you have a demon. You are a madman.

-How could I have a demon? I am a European from the origin. My ancestors were Huguenots from France. And Europeans and their descendants are not evil, but the white man is the devil.

When they heard him said that the white man is the devil, they expelled him from the Senate.

The chief of the lower house now stepped forward and said unto them,

-Haven’t we agreed not to do good to the America people? Why then this man started doing good to the people?

And the congresswoman who was born on the Island of Mogadiscio, the most conservative of all conservative women of the Capito Hill, the one who covered all her body that no lustful man could see her said,

-Behold, an angel has changed his stone heart into flesh.

And when they all realized that Monsieur Dogood has his stone heart changed into flesh, they agreed in common accord to kill him. Both houses agreed to stop him because he is no more of their likeness. And all lawmakers and the senators signed a document to kill him.

Another congresswoman, who is a Republican and true Christian was walking under the statute of Abraham Lincoln, and a drop of blood fell from the nose of the president. Then she noticed that Lincoln was aware of their plot. She ran to tell Monsieur Dogood about the plot. At night, helped by a cab driver, Monsieur Dogood and his wife slipped through the hands of police officers and returned to Oklahoma City where he continues to do good to the American people.

When American people heard that Monsieur Dogood had escaped the Senate and members of Congress, and had returned to Oklahoma City, they went down to join him. All the people who were disappointed with the system, everyone that was in debt, everyone that was discontented, and every American who was weary and tired of the government gathered themselves around him and said,

-Monsieur Dogood, please help us and deliver us from the tyranny of the white man and his bank.

And the senator Dogood stood in the parking lot of the mall of the city and spoke unto them.

-Do not be afraid of the white man who can kill the body but cannot kill the spirit. He lays a heavy burden upon you and your children and lifts not one finger himself to touch. The white man has made life very difficult for our children and us. He makes of our days full of sorrow and bitterness. He sows not but reaps everywhere. I am glad to see the mighty men of Iowa here. How smart are the people of Iowa?

No sooner had he finished speaking, than Glenn’s men rushed the place. When the mighty men of Iowa noticed that Glenn’s men had arrived, they decided to march on Washington to seize the Capitol Hill.

A far-right guy stood by the pillar with his kid. The man gave a pistol to the kiddo and was training him to use weapons. And the leader of Glenn’s men approached him and said,

-Why are you destroying the mind of your kid? Don’t you know that this revolution is in our mind?

And the far-right guy kept teaching hatred to his kid. When Glenn’s men noticed that the far-right people are the most confused people in America, they said to the mighty men of Iowa,

-Many people want a change, but they don’t really know what to change.

And they left him alone so that he could mess up the mind of his kid. The mighty men of Iowa and Glenn’s men from Texas gathered unto Monsieur Dogood and agreed to conquer the Capitol Hill.

Thus, when we arrived at Oklahoma City, we bumped into Monsieur Dogood by sheer luck at the truck stop on that Friday afternoon. My wife kissed his hand and said,

-You are a good man Sir! Please come and become our president. There are only a few good men left in this country.

And he invited us for dinner in his Mansion. Sika has volunteered to work in his campaign team. My wife was ready to sacrifice everything she got for the senator. The man was what we all were looking for in this America: a just man, impartial and honest. He walks on the ground of justice, love, and peace. We want him as our president.

While eating with him that evening, I asked him why the church was kicked out of our school. And he said,

-Iniquity was found in the church; that’s why the Founding Fathers kicked the church out of the school and the government. Instead of following the Hebrew Jesus, the church was following the European Jesus. Pastors and their followers back then were not walking on the ground of justice, love, and peace. They were full of hatred, and their hearts were corrupted. Thus, the Fathers separated the church from the government. Jesus preached the kingdom of God and how to live a happy and successful life on earth. The church was following the apostles and was preaching a religion which brought people nothing but sorrow.

Now that I knew the reason why the Founding Fathers separated the church from the government, I made up my mind to walk on the ground of justice, love, and peace. Then, I noticed I was the only Republican who did not own a gun.

After dinner, while Sika went to tidy up the Kitchen with Anna Maria who wore a T-shirt with the image of Mario Lopez, the Latino actor, I told Monsieur Dogood that I want to have a gun. And he said,

-Why do you want to have a gun?

-I am the only Republican who doesn’t know how to shoot a gun, I said.

- Don’t you say you were a Christian and Jesus follower?

-Yes! But I need to protect myself.

-Are you afraid of death? A Christian cannot be afraid of death. You were dead already, and Christ is living in you!

I was shocked by his response, and then I lied to him saying,

-I want to protect my family. Actually, Sika was shot last year before Christmas at the Mall in Seattle. A true republican must protect his family.

And he acknowledged my situation and gave me an automatic pistol. And he said,

-Now that you have a gun, you can’t follow the Hebrew Jesus.

-Why?

-Because the followers of the Hebrew Jesus do not wrestle against flesh and blood but principalities and rulers of the darkness of the world and wicked spirit of high places.

-But all Republicans have guns and weapons, I noticed to him.

-Yes, and they are following the European Jesus.

When he saw how great was my consternation, he added,

-It is okay. The Hebrew Jesus never rejected anyone. You can switch between both. That’s how many are doing. They navigate between Rome and Jerusalem.

And I thanked him and put the pistol into my pocket. Now that I became a true Republican, loving God and weapon, I threw my Bible away. Democrats are afraid of us when we carry weapons. Most of the time, they see themselves as scientists and molest us with their knowledge and science. The only way we Republican could make them respect us is gun and bullets.

When Anna Maria and Sika finished cleaning the Kitchen, they joined us in the living room where we watched together American Idol on TV.  After the show, we thanked them for their hospitality and announced our departure. Monsieur Dogood gave us a ride and brought us back to the truck station.

It was almost nine o’clock when we reached our cabin. While I was taking off my pant, the pistol fell accidentally on the floor. And Sika was shocked to see me having a gun.

-Where did you get that arm from?

-Monsieur Dogood gave it to me; I replied, somehow terrified about the outcome of the discussion.

With Sika, I could guess the issue of the situation. She would advance the devil argument and would refuse to make love with me. My wife abhors firearms. I too, till this day.  I am a Republican, and I must stay true to my faith and my party. A man should protect his wife and his family.

Don’t you always say weapons and guns are evil? Why then do you change your stance? She asked.

-When you were shot, I was unable to explain to your dad how I failed to protect you.

-What! You become now my guardian?

-I am the man, and I have to protect my house. You have always molested me, but this time I am right.

-What! Ben, I think you have drunk too much wine.

-No! You Democrats you think you are smarter than people. A man should protect his family. We are right; you are wrong, period.

-What Democrats come to do inside this situation? It seems you have many things buried in your heart. Speak more and let me hear you.

And she stood still staring at me. I was confused but well determined to win this argument. This time, I was right, and she was wrong. I need a gun; I am a Republican. At the same time, I was afraid she left the truck to go to a hotel. She has done it before. She always has her way to win arguments. This time, I need to hold my ground firmly.

-Till today, I was still unable to explain to your father how I failed to protect you, I grumbled to her.

-I am not a teenager; she replied calmly. What’s wrong with you, Ben?

And I raised the red flag suddenly. Sika scoffed.

-Why are you scoffing now? We are in arguments, and I raised the flag to stop it. Now we have to make love to calm the situation.

And when she noticed how determined I was, she said no word but lay down flat on the bed and closed her eyes. She always had her way to play me. With her attitude, I gave up and went up to the top bunker and slept.

The following day after I got my load, I headed straight to Laredo in Texas. We had  no conversation during the trip. Instead, she clung onto the phone, speaking with her dad and mon all the way. She talked with our son asking her stuff and teasing me indirectly.

Two days went on, and our situation began to heal. Coming back from Laredo, I was pulled over by the border patrol at the checkpoint. The officer asked me if someone was with me. I said yes, my wife. And he asked another question which tied my throat.

-Do you have a gun or ammunition?

I froze like a statute. I have difficulty lying, and when I said no, my voice gave a clue to the officer. He made me pulled over and called his second for a back-up. When they got a hold on my gun, they handcuffed me and threw me to jail.

Sika came later to pay two thousand dollars to get me out. I was scheduled to appear at the court in five weeks. When we got back to the truck, I was seriously angry and confused at the same time. And Sika said,

-While we are struggling to make money, we are throwing them through the window.

And she got up from the passenger seat and gave me a tap on my shoulder and said,

-Not only we Democrats win over Republicans in debate and arguments, but we could also win easily with the use weapons. We just don’t like to shed humans’ blood.

And she returned to the bunker to sleep.

I was out of myself. Sika has touched my ego deeply. She disrespected me and mocked my manhood, but I love her. And I kept my mouth shut because I have made a lot of mess already.