Moving On

nothing I have personally experienced but if I did, I hope it is how I would feel anyway

Moving On

It's true that I loved you, 

right from the start.

All through our time 

together.

From our very

rocky start, 

you were my

world - 

the centre of my 

heart.

But things changed

when you met her.

You were dismissive;

snappy - mean!

Gone was the man I knew;

a stranger now stood in 

his place.

You started going quiet

on me, said you needed

           'space'.

most nights I now spent 

on my own,

never bothered to 

question why you never

came home...

I realised I liked my own 

space!..

not having to look at your

smug looking face..

T.V to myself, bed all mine;

doing as I pleased, no matter

the time!

I told you to leave.

You left with that smirk;

a part of me was sad for 

the past - the rest thought 

you were a jerk..

These several months past

I hear she's told you to leave.

Had someone else's husband 

move in I believe.

You tried coming back here -

''I made a mistake.'' You pled 

                                    on your knees - 

''Not my problem.'' I replied,

                                    with ease.

I closed the door, a smile on my face;

seems it's not only me that found you

easy to replace..

Author's Note

YEA..WELL...WE WILL SEE I SUPPOSE..NEW TYPE FOR ME COMMENTS AND CRITICISMS WELCOME

Reviews

[mou]

the message blown over here is just perfect!!!
when we value someone at our best , they will not respect this first and when they get it finally may respect for them is lost forever ..
I really like the way you slowly welcome us to the story and I'm totally agree with the decision taken here..
just LOVE it !!!!!!!!!!

[hcarson]

Thank you so much mou, your comments are so much appreciated 😀

[Wolf_Lord]

Bravo... The un-funny thing is... usually they take them back... So I like the ending of this better... Perhaps it will inspire others that they don't have to take that kind of crap. Good job. PS I posted The Nothingness - Part III The Gods Themselves. I value your opinion and hope you won't mind taking a look.
Anthony Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[hcarson]

thank you for your llovely review anthony, it is really appreciated, of course i will take a looke, i love the concept of that piece, will look now :)

[Inject Positivity]

To be honest I'm quite amazed by the concept of this write, I believe there are many like that person in the poem who are facing the same kind of betrayals in relationship and to them this poem could be a wonderful message... They must find their own worth otherwise they will never be able find the true love they want... Your poem starts with a very touching way, then moving it gets tragic the way the relationship turns out but her courageous response in the end was full of inspiration... You are just wonderful dear Helen... Loved it...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[hcarson]

Thank you Dhiman, the grass is always greener on the other side..till you you get there of course and realise it's just the same after all. hope i could have the same attitude if this ever happenedd to me..and i don't go for the shovel first ;)

[Inject Positivity]

Very true, but the fear inside us holds us back... Such an inspirational work frnd...

[Hailey Juliet]

I thought the form was quite effective especially with the indentation of the lines

On your knees

And

With ease

I think whichever way you like to structure your poem is completely fine and it works, more or less. I would say that the first stanza reads a bit choppy the way the lines are broken up mid sentence, but if that's what you were going for, then that's great, otherwise something to keep in mind. Overall I enjoyed it quite well!

[hcarson]

thank you hailey, i intentionally cut the lines..not sure if it works or not, i'm still unsure what i think about it to be honest..it probably would read better uncut. thank you so much for reading and reviewing, reallly is appreciated :)

[Hailey Juliet]

You are most welcome!

[Hailey Juliet]

Actually reading it again, i think the cuts work for me in this case because they match up with the content in the first stanza.

e.g. rocky start

[hcarson]

aha lol....i will go with that one..that was the intention ;)

[Shannon]

Speaks of a certain comradery among those who have been in relationships with the same wrong person...

[hcarson]

i guess it does, thanks for reading :)

[V]

Courageous attitude. She's right about it, perfectly dealt with this situation. Sometimes one just has to be strong and consistent. As for the poem itself, it read a tad clumsy again but you're going to work this out, I'm sure. At times the content is worth more than the structure (omg truly my words ;))

[hcarson]

honest, I've given up on this structuring malarky...i think clumsy is just part of my unique style..my excuse anyway haha...i hope i could manage the attitude towards a cheat in the same manner this lady has...i worry instead i would be up on an assault charge haha...thanks for reading and review..much appreciated :)

[V]

You're welcome. I admire those people's attitudes too.

[Oydrin]

I find this a worthy read especially for people who allow themselves to be treated in ways they don't deserve. It shows the wisdom in ridding one's life of those who don't deserve to be part of it.

Well said, and well thought. :)

[hcarson]

you are absolutely correct Oydrin Dud, sadly so many of us aren't at that stage yet to tell a cheat...or any other type of idiot ...to do one..but hopefully it comes to all in time, thank you for reading and reviewing, i really appreciate it :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

congratulations to the speaker for not letting him back...once that trust is broken, it's gone for good...and once we get used to having our own space...no one owns us...we are free.

nicely expressed...

the dialogue really gets us there.

j.

[hcarson]

thank you jacob, this ones not a true one...i csn't give him away lol...only joking ;)...thanks for reading and your lovely review, appreciated it a lot :)