THE LIGHT HAS DIMMED

JUST A SHORT ONE STRAIGHT FROM THE HEAD

THE LIGHT HAS DIMMED

The light has dimmed,

my heart has slowed.

My skin begins to cool.

A rushed breath slows 

to a shallowness never

experienced before -

not from these lungs,

this heart, these veins.

Since the light left, 

it can never be the same.

Author's Note

really struggling to come up with anything recently so here is the best i can do hmmm...comments criticisms welcome

Reviews

[richieb]

A very thought provoking poem. It tells of loss and sadness. Well written, it speaks to the heart and soul.

Richie

[hcarson]

Thank you richie, that is how i was feeling that day if i remember correctly

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Much could be interpreted by your words, but I thought I felt death drawing near as a result of some great loss, some person who literally was the light in your life, as per this piece ... That could be my negative attitude, but I did enjoy misinterpreting your heart penned to page, if that should prove to be the case ...

[hcarson]

thanks for reading and reviewing marv, much appreciation, no misinterpretation as such, your along correct lines :)

[barleygirl]

I really love this. Normally, I like more detail, painting vivid word pictures. But this one is satisfyingly vague . . . leaving it open to interpretation . . . clear about the physical sensations being described (very palpable) but not specific about what causes this, so the reader can inject his/her own scenario. For me, what brings on this type of breathless resignation is the realization that people (or some one person) isn't or hasn't been all that we thought they were.

[hcarson]

yea your could say you are right on that one :) thanks for reading and reviewing, i'm glad you liked it :)

[Inject Positivity]

Nice imagery you have presented through your words, loved the flow and word choice... This is such an amazing work, with lots of thoughts presented by the poet, looks like she has been facing lot of chaos throughout the day but finally finds peace both physically and mentally.... Whoa!!!! Great to see you with new works my dear frnd... Love love love it.... Full ratings....

[hcarson]

thamk you IP :) it certainly helped with the site you pointed me to, helped get me thinking again so i'm really grateful to you, you are a star :) thank you for the lovely review, as always much appreciated :)

[Inject Positivity]

Awe please don't say like that, I'm so happy to hear that my little knowledge of a source helped you this much, always here for you, it puts the biggest smile on my face seeing you happy and doing what you love doing... You are always welcome with all my heart....

[hcarson]

my next plan is to try and do one of those heikus thingies lol, thanks for all your help :)

[Inject Positivity]

Wow!!! I know you will ace it don't worry... Will keep an eye on your page.. By the way I reviewed this piece yesterday but saw today that nothing on my review... Lol.. But it gave me an opportunity to talk to you.... So it's totally worth full....

[hcarson]

i'm always here to chat IP if ever you just want to pass the time just send a message, i'm always back an for even if i'm not writing :

[Inject Positivity]

Thank you dear frnd... I know I have people like you to encourage me and help me anytime...

[mou]

It is painful.Yes it is short but do not need any extra care .As it comes directly from the crevasse of soul and it is reflected everywhere.
True, why we all gather at the same painful turn of life? I can relate with it.Beautiful!!
Thanks for sharing.

[hcarson]

Thank you mou, i'm glad you liked it, your comments appreciated :)

[Sangeetha]

Its definitely powerful, even though this seems like something that was created at a random state of mind. I think the structure is still wonderful i can see the imagery used here, "darkness swallowing slowly" kind of feeling. I liked it very much it seems like this a break from your usual style Ms.H, i really like the breaking of boundaries you've done here.

[hcarson]

thank you sangeetha, it is different to my normal style..it all depends what mood i'm in what style comes out really as i don't tend to follow a particular structure if i can help it..it's too limiting thank you for your lovely review, always appreciated :)

[Sangeetha]

Aww no problem ms.H you know I'm a sucker for your stuff ;D

[Shannon]

I really like this. I am really concrete, so if I missed the point entirely, a apologize. Should the last line be "...never the same..." or "it will ever..."?

[hcarson]

ahh i hadn't noticed that..it is meant to be never...eyes are very deceitful to your own work... i will change that immediately :) thanks for your comments and pointing that out, much apprecuated :)

[Shannon]

Me too, my friend

[V]

That's such a good one. At times when we feel most troubled or struggling with anything, we come up with the best writes.
It reads so much more calmed and thought over than other poems by you regarding structure, use of words and flow. I like its tone, the dark atmosphere - it is a somewhat gloomy write but in a quiet and serene atmosphere.
Free Verse suits you ^^
Your best poem, I'd say. Well done.

[V]

Oo forgot: The title has an h too much in it ^^,

[hcarson]

Thank you :)...i bern struggling badly recently..wasn't sure about this one but thought what the heck lol. Thanks for your comments, much appreciated :)

[V]

You're welcome. I'm sorry you had to struggle with something. I hope you're better or at least get to be.

[Grimmmes]

Love it! Really nice pace and flow. The enjambment works really well and kept me reading and entertained. It's also very sensory, which works really well too! I loooove sensory language, it's so powerful and leaves such a real impression on your audience. Your words leave an honest sense of emotion too. It's short, but powerful.

I usually don't like poetry, but I think you've done a great job!
Can't wait to read more of your work :)

[hcarson]

wow thank you so much for your comments, reallly appreciate them!! glad you liked it :)