Great poem. The rhyming is impressive and makes your poem more pleasing to read. The second last stanza moved me a lot. You talk of how things like greed, cruelty, violence and obsession make a man sick and drains him of all essentials that he desires and needs.
Well-written and keep writing.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much for reading and your lovely comments much aporeciated
Great poem. The rhyming is impressive and makes your poem more pleasing to read. The second last stanza moved me a lot. You talk of how things like greed, cruelty, violence and obsession make a man sick and drains him of all essentials that he desires and needs.
Well-written and keep writing.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much for reading and your lovely comments much aporeciated
wow,lovely poem,just like no one knows what you feel until when they live as you,which is so not possible,to take a walk in your shoes is an interesting and captivating title keep it up
thank you adesanya, i get frustrated seeing people glare at strangers and making presumptions and wh.. read morethank you adesanya, i get frustrated seeing people glare at strangers and making presumptions and when they say 'you should have done this or that or the other..'' none of us know what we would do if we had someones elses problems and issues do we so should just live and let live...thank you so much for your positive words :)
8 Years Ago
you welcome,that's true and moreover nobody knows what you have been through that made you decided t.. read moreyou welcome,that's true and moreover nobody knows what you have been through that made you decided to take such steps,they just criticize and not encourage
8 Years Ago
exactly, as people, whether we realise it or not, we all need a little encouragement every now and t.. read moreexactly, as people, whether we realise it or not, we all need a little encouragement every now and then,for some it could make a world of difference :
Haha I loved this poem. Rey much a lot of the time I am usually the one trying to look at things in others perspective but it seems alot of people in my life don't try to put themselves in my position. Taking advantage these days has just become too easy.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
yes, in the world today too many people presime they needn't ask as they think they know it all and .. read moreyes, in the world today too many people presime they needn't ask as they think they know it all and the fact is..we don't..we know so litlle of anything that it's best to just try and never be presumptious in the first place..thank you for your lovely words :)
8 Years Ago
of course Ms Helen, i agree quite completely but we should stay curious rather than presumptuous.
8 Years Ago
exactly sangeetha, you said it perfectly :)
8 Years Ago
haha thank you so very much. as you know im very wise haha, Dhi's words not mine.
8 Years Ago
you are..if u don't mind me asking..how old are u?
8 Years Ago
you know that im sixteen!!! oh wait i only told you that i was a teenager haha sorry my bad.
8 Years Ago
she is 16 now...but wiser than the most...
8 Years Ago
she /you are, wise beyound your years :)
8 Years Ago
haha thank you so much H....
8 Years Ago
thank you big bro and Ms Helen I am happy that you think that I am. most people would dismiss the id.. read morethank you big bro and Ms Helen I am happy that you think that I am. most people would dismiss the idea of me being wise. I feel like an advertisement
" come to me for life advice, you wont regret it" haha.
yes my friends say that a lot about me but I can go much wilder than haha. but what does being quick.. read moreyes my friends say that a lot about me but I can go much wilder than haha. but what does being quick witted mean ? sorry im lacking in the self descriptive phrases department hee hee.
8 Years Ago
ns when you are talking with someone you have quick funny responses straight away..you don't have to.. read morens when you are talking with someone you have quick funny responses straight away..you don't have to sit and think them up first :)
8 Years Ago
Pooh yup that's very true haha I'm liking a walking comedy book I feel happy when make others happy.
This definately hit home. I say that many times to a lot of people. I, too, have dealt with a lot of things you mentioned here in your poem. Thanks for sharing!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
thank yoou , it is a sad truth and unfortunatly not one we are likely to change, thank you so much f.. read morethank yoou , it is a sad truth and unfortunatly not one we are likely to change, thank you so much for reading and your comments much appreciated :)
We often look at others and envy what we think they have,at the same time never knowing what they have,how they got there or what their life behind doors is really like.I have a poem called "Life is seldom what it seems",I think,which deals with the same subject bit slightly differently.
Another fine poem H,sweet.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
thank you Gee, i will look up your poem i like to see different perspectives etc thank you so much f.. read morethank you Gee, i will look up your poem i like to see different perspectives etc thank you so much for your kind words,as always much appreciated :)
wow. why is it that the worst memories are always the clearest...and the happier ones get out of focus...
the hurt just has that indelible stain...and the poet writes.
the laughter passes too quickly and the words won't come.
like this write and relate to it.
j.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you Jacob, it is a shame the bad over writes the good in so many cases but so long as we can r.. read moreThank you Jacob, it is a shame the bad over writes the good in so many cases but so long as we can remember something good! thats what i generally try to focus oon, thank you so much for reading and your comments :) much appreciated
well there is a deeply inherited message in your poem... as they are speaking louder... every one has their own ways, flaws and shortcomings...you. can't judge a person unless you are in their place... but as our habit goes, we judge people by what they are outside without realizing the efforts and struggles behind their situation.... a very true and eye opening write dear frnd... it helped me to think about a new chapter for my book... another masterpiece... i hope your foot gets well soon.... full ratings!!!!....
i was sure i had responded on this but it seems to have disappeared haha.thank you IP for your lovel.. read morei was sure i had responded on this but it seems to have disappeared haha.thank you IP for your lovely review, your words are,a*s always much appreciated. :)
8 Years Ago
oh and im glad it has inspired you for your next chapter...look forward to reading it :)
8 Years Ago
you are as always welcome dear frnd... thank you... you are always the sweetest.... i love reading y.. read moreyou are as always welcome dear frnd... thank you... you are always the sweetest.... i love reading your words....
But first slip in your feet! Ooohh killer ending, just killer!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
aha, thank you fo reading sir drift...i always get the urge to call you sire instead of sire lol, ap.. read moreaha, thank you fo reading sir drift...i always get the urge to call you sire instead of sire lol, apologies if i ever do that unnoticed haha thank you for your comments, much appreciated :)
I am from Canada. This feels very much like some of the pieces that come from writers in our Indigenous communities. Beaten down, but still proud and even defiant!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
yep that about sums it up i think :) thank you so much for reading and your comments :)
8 Years Ago
You are welcome. Are you interested in that genre? I can send you to a song on YouTube (that I am .. read moreYou are welcome. Are you interested in that genre? I can send you to a song on YouTube (that I am in no way connected to) that makes me weep every time!
8 Years Ago
definitely, i would love to hear it, thank you so much :)
8 Years Ago
Its way more specific to the trauma suffered by Indigenous peoples. But the tone and the arc remind.. read moreIts way more specific to the trauma suffered by Indigenous peoples. But the tone and the arc remind me very much of this piece. Its called "He Can Fancy Dance" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi_8MB1Gn5c
8 Years Ago
wow what a voice that lady has! lovely song...sad though. in wales most of us cant speak welsh becau.. read morewow what a voice that lady has! lovely song...sad though. in wales most of us cant speak welsh because so many years ago when england decided we shouldnt. we are trying to bring it back now but who knows yet if it will work. this song was real lovely, thank you so much for introducing me to it :)
8 Years Ago
I am happy that it spoke to you. Interesting how a shared history (which, honestly, I did not know),.. read moreI am happy that it spoke to you. Interesting how a shared history (which, honestly, I did not know), could lead to work that, at its core, parallel to me.
8 Years Ago
Many of the Indigenous people I know, ultimately see this song as ending in triumph. They were not a.. read moreMany of the Indigenous people I know, ultimately see this song as ending in triumph. They were not able to remove his spirit from him and ultimately, that spirit could return to his culture. I have no idea if it is okay to have this type of conversation in this area of this page, so forgive me (and correct me), if I am breeching etiquette.
that is true u can capture many things but the spirit remains true to where it belongs, no matter de.. read morethat is true u can capture many things but the spirit remains true to where it belongs, no matter destruction happens to the rest of it. i dont think any etiquette is being broken..guess we will no if someone tells us off haha, we are all entitled to our thoughts and feelings, exspecially those based on such hard truths and nobody is guilty today of where this all first started. are things any better for the indigenous people that you know or is it still a struggle for them?
8 Years Ago
Some Indigenous individuals are, of Course thriving (and many more all the time). Unfortunately, as.. read moreSome Indigenous individuals are, of Course thriving (and many more all the time). Unfortunately, as a people, things are still extremely difficult. Trauma (and nasty results of this like addictions, abuse and mental health issues) permeate many communities. There is definitely and movement that is gaining momentum to heal.
8 Years Ago
i hope things keep improving and they are allowed to heal..it brings it home to you when you see it .. read morei hope things keep improving and they are allowed to heal..it brings it home to you when you see it played out side by side like in the video to the song, such big changes must have been, and must still be hard to come to terms with
Its beautiful! Honestly, when I read your poems I don't know where you end and I begin, its like our stories are so similar. I love the way it starts and ends. Judge me, but first survive all that I have survived. Your kids are very lucky to have a strong mother like you. I think if you could add some specific incidents/people/experiences, it will make it more hard hitting. But overall, fantastic stuff, as usual!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
wow thank you so much, you are right about the detail, i thought the same when i reread it but i was.. read morewow thank you so much, you are right about the detail, i thought the same when i reread it but i wasn't sure where to even begin with that haha, thank you so much for the lovely review :)
I have an interest in writing short stories and poetry in some shape or form apparently since coming here! Being a mother of five means I have no end of inspiration! I'm an animal lover and have an Am.. more..