The old man

from my linving-room window i see many people passing, and many kinds of rudness. got me thinking of individual stories of each that pass

The old man

HOBO, they shout shout from across the street,

to a ragged old man whose standards, 

don't meet.

He hurts inside and looks to the floor.

His feet are dragging more and more,

but his pain you see, is not his own,

it's for those who are yet,

 not emotionally grown.

Those that speak with no thinking involved,

that judge without any knowledge.

He keeps on walking 'till he come to a house.

he meakly knocks the door.

A girl answers, better dressed than he,

 with no holes in her clothes, socks upon her feet-

for all her requirements, he works so hard to meet.

DADDY, she yells, as she leaps into his arms.

He hugs her close, and his heart begins to mend.

Author's Note

The joys of living in a town where the younger lot don't have much else to do and parents are too busy?!?! to properly socialise their children.

Reviews

[Caleb]

I love the imagery you set out before us; although the poem still needs work. This is me personally and is all a matter of opinion, but contractions like "can't" do not mesh well with poetry. They usually come out a little harsh and do not roll off the tongue as well as it should. The flow of your structure is a bit choppy and needs to be rearranged or needs to be matched to the previous line. Like I said, its all a matter of opinion. Emotions are key to any poetic tone, but the overall message could be better told if the rhyme, meter, and structure match together. Its not needed, but is preferred.

[hcarson]

i will play about with it with what you suggest and see how i think it feels, this was rushed, idea came and i quickly jotted down without much thought so your right, it probably could do with tidying up a tad :)

[Tina H.W.]

Ahh...really really lovely. I like the twist. As I read, I could feel that man's emotion as he walked. But the ending just made my heart leap and Brough the biggest smile to my face.
Beautiful! :)

[hcarson]

Thank you, im glad you liked it :)

[Bacchus]

YES!

It's relationship that changes everything.
May we look at people like sons and daughters, fathers and mothers.
It is our true identities.

Surprising and convicting- Thank you.

[hcarson]

thank you Bacchus, and you are totally right, we all need to be better to one another :)

[Robert Parlange]

It is amazing how some people can use their mouths before engaging their brains. I like your observations.

[hcarson]

thank you Robert..joys of being a nosey female i suppose haha :)

[KarinaNovakMonsonego]

wonderful. so many people just speak without thinking not knowing that words have power to build or break a person. the sad thing is that until they learn it's already too late and i feel they feel it themselves they wont understand.
You created a very powerful emotion with a few words, well done.

[hcarson]

thank you so much, your words are very much appreciated :)

[Peregrin's Quill]

I love the story you tell with these words. A great illustration to show how little we all truly know about one another, and how our eyes and prejudices can fool us of the truth of a person. At the same time we are allowed a moment of recognition of love and the beauty of it. I enjoyed this. Thanks for this.

[hcarson]

thank you Peregrin's quill...thank you so much for your lovely words they are very much appreciated :)

[V]

Sad truth you point out there. Heartfelt one, today's society is all about image, superficiality is the norm. It also reminds me of the gap between the rich and the poor ones and sacrifices for one's own children.

[hcarson]

aha you have got it spot on!! that is what i was trying to convey exactly but struggledd to try and explain it..thank you for doing it so simply, yet perfectly and thank you for your lovely review :)

[hcarson]

oh and did you sort you device issues out that you were having?

[V]

Yes I did. I have my cell back :)

[hcarson]

ahh im glad for you :)

[V]

Thank you :) Now I just need to have time to type and share a few new writings. I won't be as often online as I used to be during the last couple of weeks but try to as often as possible.

[hcarson]

eing online when your will be more comfortable for you :)..look forward to your new writing, will keep my eye out for it :) :)

[V]

Ok, thanks, that's nice from you.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I think its beautiful how the girl doesn't reject her father. Todays modern society would turn a blind eye to these people. It's a very warming and touching piece. Thank you for it

[hcarson]

yes, the girl has been taught respect and not to judge , he only goes without to give to herr, as so many parents do. sad fact though, as you say most of society see straight through people like that and yet they are normally the most honest, giving and hard working. thanks for your lovely review Sir Drift :)

[Sangeetha]

I really agree with your point of view, I loved how you made that brilliant twist in the end I thought that girl was some snobby old lady who would dismiss him immediately but turns out it was her Father ...mind blow!!! The flow of this poem is very well done simple and to the point. And excellent use of emotions I was really down in to see myself as the hobo. WELL DONE😄

[hcarson]

aww thank you so much, i really appreciate your lovely comments. it is how things are today..and probably always have been, people getting judged without a thought as to why they are in the position they are. thank you so much for reading :)

[Sangeetha]

it was my pleasure..i personally dont like being a dark cloud but.. i dont think people could ever learn to not judge even those who are judged will judge others. it is the way the universe was designed ..what goes around comes around right?

[hcarson]

unfortunately we all judge,,even when we don't mean too and even if its in a positive way, we still do it so yea ur right

[Sangeetha]

Exactly...thank you Ms Helen ..well hey I just posted another poem check it out if you have the time thanks

[hcarson]

i certainly will right away :)

[Gee]

Could be in any town across the country.Respect generally lost by the young for their peers.Loved the last two lines.Nice work

[hcarson]

thank you Gee, much appreciated :)