IT WASN'T ME!

LITTLE POEM ON ..WELL READ AND SEE :)

IT WASN'T ME!

It wasn't me that done it,

I wasn't even there!

Surely I was home that night

playing Solitaire.

My brother looks just like me,

maybe it was him!

There's this issue he has with drinking see,

he's always full of Gin.

He may have robbed the house that night,

now it's me that gets the blame.

It really isn't my fault sir that

we both looked just the same.

How can I prove my innocence?

What is there I can do,

to prove beyond all doubt sir,

that what I say is true?

Please say that again sir?

My brother, he was where?

Spending time in rehab while I

played solitaire?!

So what are you suggesting,

that it was me not him?

Well then I think this game is over..

I'm never going to win.

I'm sorry sir for wasting time.

It was me that cold, dark night.

See I just needed a laptop, to play solitaire alright!

Reviews

[Rachel]

I like the way you made this seem like a general writing, but I could seek out the deeper meaning within. I could find the alcoholism theme of having an alcoholic in the family or living with one. It portrays the horrors alcoholism can bring to one's life. Doing things we will regret in the morning, hurting the ones we love the most. Its a tragic thing that happens to more than not. I found that in the end, you begin to protect your brother and decide to take the blame. We tend to think that this will help show our love to those involved with bad things like being an alcoholic. Maybe our actions will change them. I found great enjoyment in reading this! Great writing!

[hcarson]

thank you rachel, an ex of mine was an alcoholic and it distroyed him, it is a vile thing but apparently so hard to ogive up, dangerous even if not done correctly, thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment :)

[Emily Light]

Great meter to go along with the humor. Really captures the issues that may arise out of alcoholism within immediate family. Fun read.

[hcarson]

thank you emily, i really appreciate your comment :)

[Adesanya Yewande]

nice poem in story form,its really a great writing but the first line confuse me,
"it wasn't me that done it" maybe u get explain to me ,cause i think it would be it wasn't me that did it ,is more understanding to me,am sorry for the criticize, just trying to view my opinion but its a great poem

[hcarson]

it would be more grammatically correct to say it how you say but i intentionally used the omission as it was meant to reflect the mans way of speech, thank so much for commenting much appreciated :)

[Adesanya Yewande]

okay thanks for making me understand more

[V]

Witty piece, I'd say. Refreshing and musical when it comes to tone and rhythm. Though some tiny critique: The second line in the second stanza is a tad too long to fit the scheme. It'd sound better if you shortened it.
(Maybe something like: He's got drinking issues, don't you see? but only a suggestion) But I also have to point out that the fourth stanza is really well-written regarding rhyme scheme and stress of syllables, accentuation, it reads nicely to my mind.

[V]

Ok, I just noticed that my suggestion is too long, too...

[V]

Forgive me, I just counted the syllables of your whole piece and I have to point out the exact nr is not consistent but doesn't do anything severe to the overall musicality or flow/rhythm of your writing. I might change a few lines in this case to match them more precisely but only very small changes. Anyways, nice one. :)

[hcarson]

lol thats fine..i see what you mean..i do tend to get carried away so i'm working on chopping things down..not succeeding too goood at the moment, thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, much appreciated :)

[V]

You're welcome. I'm just an annoying perfectionist, sometimes...

[hcarson]

i'm like that with drawing, if i dont see it as perfect...even if it isnt but it is to me haha,,,then it goes in the bin!! i totally understand how you feel in that sense, plus it is all goood for my learning so keep them coming :)

[V]

Ok thanks for reassuring me that you're ok with that. Drawing is nice :) I wanted to be good at drawing when I was younger, a teenager, but I never managed to become so, so I let it be but I found writing as another way to express myself later.

[hcarson]

etter at drawing than writing but i'm improving slowly, learnning ssomething new every day, i drrew the eye in my profile pick..slightly more togethere than my writing is at the moment haha

[V]

I thought you drew it. Looks nice :) Improving is always good, doesn't matter if slow or fast...maybe you should try out free verse, it's an easier poetic way to express your feelings, the images in your head (at least for me). You just don't have too care about structuring as much as in other forms of poetry.

[hcarson]

thats what i do, i never sit and think what i will write, just let it fall out..hence it can be dodgy with the wording and structuring haha..i'm to impatient to sit and think about it :)

[V]

I know that feeling though poetry requires to be thought about (a little at least). Try to sit down and calm yourself, try to give your thoughts a frame. When my mind is too restless but I want to write sth down, anyways, I often use the fragmented style (I did in Comfort and Black Nightgown), it helps you write raw images off your head but keeping a sort of structure.

[hcarson]

i find with me if im awy from paper and pen..walking college..shopping etc..things come into my head that work really well (in my head at least haha) but within a minute i entirely forget it! maybe i need to always keep a little notepad and pencil with me...that may helpon the occassions i have tried to think about it my mind totally wanders..i can't focus it straight..of course we are a large household so don't really get much time to sit reallly quietly and concentrate,,if it isn't the baby it's the the animals haha, still i will try again at doing what you suggest..maybe when all are in bed..kick the animals out..and the partner haha and see what happens :). thank you so much for your advice, it is invaluable and appreciated a lot :)

[V]

You're welcome. You're right, it might be difficult in your case to find time for yourself but I hope you do. I experience the same things you do: the best inspiration in the most random situations, I try to keep some lines in mind and write "around" them later.

[hcarson]

i will definitely find the time..it's whether i remember haha..i'm totally scatterbrained but i think it is what i need to do, really need to slow and focus!

[V]

Yes, I'm sure you'll find a way to work that out. I'm often kind of confused, too ^^ but writing makes me/helps me focus more.

[Beth Lindsay]

A great poem and story. I honestly didn't see that last part coming, but it was amazing. Keep it up.

[hcarson]

thank you linzi for reading and taking the time to comment, much appreciated :)

[Sangeetha]

I loved it very charming and cool smooth like butter loved the humor and loved the mystery twist in the end

[hcarson]

great discription there sangeetha, thank you so much :)

[Sangeetha]

aww glad you thought so :D

[Gee]

Really liked this,a good wee tale with the punchline delivered at the end.Sweet

[hcarson]

thank you Gee, much appreciated :)

[Inject Positivity]

awww!!! this is amazing.... fun to read...i think this is very well crafted, i loved the way it began and ended... nice thoughts and definitely a beautiful piece of writing... clappings!!!!

[hcarson]

thank you IP, your words are appreciated as always :)

[Emily Sutliff]

This was just absolutely amazing. I really enjoyed reading this from beginning to end. I thought it had a lot of dark moments, almost a mystery that we see throughout the piece and there was also a bit of humor that I especially like! Very well done :)

[hcarson]

Thank you Emily, I enjoyed doing this one. Thank you for your comments, much appreciated.:)

[hcarson]

thank you Gee, thoughtitbe a a bit of fun, comments muh appreciated as always :)

[ANTO]

Shades of the Madness hit 'Pass the Blame' (giving my age away) here
Very well told - and a terrific punchline tying the whole thing together.
:D

[hcarson]

Thank you Anto, thought I do something different for a change. thank you for your comments, appreciated as always :)