PETERLOO

AN ATTEMPT AT A BRIEF POEM EXPLAINING THE TERRIBLE EVENTS OF THE PETERLLOO MASSACRE, MANCHESTER.

PETERLOO

A hot day in August 1819 woke up the

nation to an event that had been.

A peaceful Rally, for Political Reform,

nothing unusual, part of the norm,

except this time Britain, was going to

get stirred up in a storm. 

600,000 Demonstrators' in their Sunday best,

Men, Women, Children, Banners' waving,

full of jest.

Having a good day, listening to Henry Hunt.

Stood up on the Hustings. Surrounded, back and front.

The Magistrates, they panicked, sent the cavalry in,

Sabres drawn, astride their steeds.

Bellies full of Gin.

They hacked, they slashed, they stabbed with glee.

The crowd was packed...could not get free...

eleven died, upon St Peter's Fields.

hundreds more lay injured.

Witness's cries were labelled as lies,

and the Tory repression continues.

Author's Note

all comments and constructive critisim welcome :)

Reviews

[ANTO]

I love historical poetry. The first poem I ever learned by heart at school was 'The Charge of the Light Brigade'. Then the war poets really spoke to me.
This gives me the outline of the story and makes me want to know more about the event. (Is it the Manchester Martyrs?)

I think 'Hastings' should be 'hustings'.
Good job hcarson.

[hcarson]

you'r right Anto it was meant to be hustings lol..my eyes even saw it as that so it shows how your brain tells you lies lol and yea it was meant to be a brief outline of events at the Manchester massacre, as usual swept under the carpet and never really delved into. Maybe I try a more in depth one if I ever got the capabilities, thanks for your comments :)

[ANTO]

Heh heh yeah, my eyes always rush ahead with brain screaming ' will youse feckin wait until I assimilate...aarrrgh..'
No but...you did a grand job on this and sometimes less is more.

[hcarson]

Thank you, much appreciated :)

[ANTO]

Your welcome. Thank you for the friend request. :))

[ANTO]

*You're* welcome - lmao

[hcarson]

no probs lol :)

[barleygirl]

I'm not knowledgeable about this piece of history, but your poem makes it clear what happened. The rhyme & rhythm are mostly working well. There are a few too many commas & apostrophes, so if you want specific corrections, let me know.

Best line: "They hacked, they slashed, they stabbed with glee." This is more vivid than citing statistics about the event. A big number (600,000) should be spelled out . . . but even better, could be made less statistical-sounding by changing to: "Over half a million united for their cause" or something such as that, to help make it sound more like a poem & less like a news report in places.

All in all, a successful message with no ambiguities.

[hcarson]

Hi thanks for the comments :) its an interesting piece of history so thought i would give it ago. I certainly wouldn't mind some info on the comas...I'm a bugger for coma splicing, although an english tutoe told me theyn were also used in a long piece to show fast movement which is what i was trying to attamp on the bit where magistrates panicked etc but i still may have gone overboard as i do love em lol so if you have time yes please, all help with improvement is welcome, that would be great :)

[barleygirl]

2nd stanza, these commas seem unnecessary to me (even to achieve your breathless fast pace):
after "Rally" and after "Britain" . . .

"Demonstrators" and Banners" -- no apostrophe after

4th stanza, no comma after "Surrounded" . . .

5th stanza, I would put comma, not period after "steeds" . . .

last stanza, no comma after "died" and "lies" . . .

[hcarson]

Thank u i will rewrite that way an see howw it is :)

[Inject Positivity]

i read about the Peterloo Massacre of 1819 in one of the papers of 1st semester in college which is about French revolution.... but your poem gave me a chance to look at it more closely and i loved how you spoke some amazing things in this poem.... i always enjoy reading these type of work....worth reading.... sweetly done with smooth rhyming and well crafted... full ratings.....

[hcarson]

Thank you so much, it is an interesting read....got my blood boiling if if im honest lol..had to keep restarting my essay on it because I kept going off on a tangent tory bashing lol

[Inject Positivity]

yup! it is a very unique topic you have chosen to write and im glad that i get to read it... the tragedy of the massacre is very heartbreaking.....

[hcarson]

it was. I think it more annoys me that even today it isn't really acknowledged and considering children died there as well I really think it should be better known. I'm glad you have heard of it as it is surprising how very few have

[Inject Positivity]

when i came across this in my studies, i googled it and found what was the reality of it.... it seemed more tragic and horrifying.... i think many people don't know about it or know about its outside part....

[hcarson]

I had to answer recently what was significant about this massacre...sadly the answer is that it isn't significant...the demonstrators didn't get what they want, situation just got worse and the people blamed on top of it. however I have a different theory on its significance and that is that in what..197 years we have leart nothing...Britain still voted in a repressive tory government, working people using food banks,people dying from starvation...the ' underclass' labelled 'lazy scroungers'...all while the people up top line their pockets grrrrr are we daft or something lol

[Érenn]

I loved this one ^^ This sounded so nice as a poetry, I like the way you have rhymed as well ^^. I just feel that if you could have tried to give it a little more emotional touch to the poem. It would have a lot more impact on the readers.
Again I am just going to point out places where you could cut have done things a little differently to give it impact and cutting down on words as well ^^

A peaceful Rally, for Political Reform,
nothing unusual, part of the norm,
Befitting of the calm before Great Britain
experienced that storm. (the clam before the storm analogy)

eleven died, upon St Peter's Fields.
hundreds more, injured (no need for were) .
Witness's cries labelled as lies, (a little change in the presentation increases the impact)
as the Tory repression continues.

[hcarson]

yea could do with some word change maybe but I couldn't use calm before the storm really as Napoleonic had only ended 4 years before and political tension had been getting worse over that time, lots of demonstrations etc but other than that yea, may change some words about if I ever redo it thanks for your comments, always helpful :)

[Érenn]

Your welcome I like what you write so I keep tabs on it ^^
Well you can always add the clause of "seemingly calm" and then make it another storm hitting Great Britain.

[hcarson]

that's true, at some point when I have more experience, I would like to come back to this one and make it more in depth, rather than a brief outline I just don't feel ready for that yet, bit scary lol. thank you for all your comments, they make me look at it differently so they really help, I really appreciate that, thank you so much for taking the time to do it :)

[Érenn]

You know I am just trying to do what a few people have done for me here in this short time I have spent my time here. Thanks to their reviews and suggestions I was able to improve a lot as well. So I also wish to help people find their way even if it's just slight ^^

[hcarson]

every single bit of help is useful, like u say, even if its just a tiny bit because one day they will all add up and bit a big bit ...and hopefully sort my errors out lol!! :)