To be seen...

Poem about being held back by self doubt but having all the desires in the world...

To be seen...

I want to write a poem,

but I don't know where

to start.

I want to write a novel,

but I'm not sure I have

the heart.

I want to paint a picture,

the best there's ever been,

to hang upon the wall of the

World...

to be seen, to be seen, to be seen...

But my shyness will not let me,

my capabilities just scream NO.

My confidence got up and left

me, saying it had better places 

to go.

So I don't think I'll bother,

I'll just sit here and dream

that just once in my lifetime,

I will stand up and be seen.

Author's Note

Eek...first attemptmbutnall critisisms welcome ...I think lol..:)

Reviews

[Érenn]

I like it. ^^ I really like how the poetry flows here ^^ Till the third stanzas it's really nice, but then I felt the flow somehow broke in the 4th stanza. Too many words used. This is just how I would phrase the 4th Stanza (then again it's just my take you needn't have to follow this)

But my shyness won't let me.
My talents screaming NO.
Confidence ditching me,
Stating it had better places
to attend.

The 5th stanza as usual follows the same flow as the first three. ^^ It's a nice poem on something experienced by everyone when they have dreams to pursue but self doubt just hinders that. ^^

[hcarson]

Thank you for reading :) and your comments :) . you are probably right about that stanza, im new and experimenting so all advice is good advice, especially from those like youself that have been doing it longer. Thank you :)

[Érenn]

Umm I am rookie myself ^^' just about three weeks since I started poetry. When I read this one for some reason I knew what felt wrong and could point it out That's about it ^^ and am glad I could be of help ^^

[hcarson]

I have many (somewhere) i have wrote over the years but this is the first time i have allowed anyone to see anything. I did this one quickly just as my mother was arriving for coffee so maybe not as much thought went into it but its all good fun...especially now people see them eek lol. Thank you for your comments :)

[Érenn]

Well it's really about fun ^^ As long as I am having fun writing there's no real problems at all, because one will end up growing and maturing as time passes by as long as they have the will and passion to strive forward ^^

[V]

Errenn, I appreciate you felt the need to help but if it was really changed to what you suggested, it'd totally break the rhyme scheme, which seems to work so well here. I admit this stanza sounds a little bumpy, the words, the length of the line don't properly match the overall scheme but it has to stay a rhyming line at least, in my opinion. Maybe I'd just left out saying. I cannot come up with a decent solution at the moment. Maybe I'd also altered the third stanza because it seems too long, too somehow.
"To hang upon the worldy walls" instead maybe. But I'm really not the one to tell anyone to change their writings, just suggestions.

[Érenn]

Yeah I know. Indeed what you state is completely true. And even I just mentioned whatever I did as suggestions alone. After all this poem is her baby not mine. So I definitely understand what you are conveying here ^^

[V]

Ok that's nice.

[H.N.Seal]

I love the flow of this piece. I read it out loud and it just sounded amazing! I would love to hear this piece be performed at a reading.

[Autonomous]

Wow this is a great piece I don't know how it slipped my radar, As usual great work!

[hcarson]

Thank you so much, glad you like it your words as always are very much appreciated :)

[Adesanya Yewande]

wow amazing this write up relate to me in many ways there are so many things i want to do but i end up not doing them,every line makes the poem more meaningful,great poem

[hcarson]

Thank you adesanya i think you and i are very alike with our confidence, i read some of your work and it is like you have been strolling around my brain haha thank you for your lovely words, appreciated as always :)

[Adesanya Yewande]

you welcome,thank you also for your reviews and help

[hcarson]

Anytime, i love your writings..always full of truth :)

[V]

That's a really good one regarding message and style. I can totally relate to the feelings and thoughts described in this one. I often tell myself I only need to do and create things for myself but honestly, I want to share it with the world, maybe get a little respect, attention, maybe even admiration. I think everyone, particularly artists strive for recognition for their works just as everyone else feel well becoming admired a little.

[hcarson]

for im very shy in person and lack confidence..in everything to the point it has had a dibilitating effect on my life, yhis year however i swore it wasnt getting in my way anymore in any way shape or form..this was one of the results of that haha. thank you so much for your kind words, as always :)

[V]

You're welcome. I had to learn not to be a totally shy, ingoing person, as well. But my job and friends and writing helped me.

[Inject Positivity]

i would say this is one of your best poems... the way it speaks to the reader and flows with a truth is lovely to read.... when i joined this place i had shyness in posting anything, i feared that people will not like them and might rate my works as failure....but when i posted my first work i saw that people like it.... i can absolutely relate to it.... many of us can truly find it relatable.....as for the poem, it's been brilliantly thought out and well presented too.... it flows well and sounds like true tone of a dreaming heart..... full ratings mate!!!!!

[hcarson]

you're right in the sense theere is a lot of truth in it IP,.MY CONFIDENCE HOLDS ME BACK ALL THE TIME WITHTHINGS BUT I HAVE BEEN TCKLING IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVELY REVIEW, MUCH APPRECIATED.GALAD YOU GOT THE CONFIDENCE TO POST YOUR STUFF AS IT IS BRILLIENT :).....APOLOGIES BLINKING CAPITALS

[Inject Positivity]

thank you too... as always an amazing experience to read your works my dear frnd....

[Gaia Octavia]

A very honest sentiment, and one most of us can identify with. Great choice in subject. I also like how the poem is created as the writer decides not to write it. Bringing your reader in to identify with your piece is something that must happen in order for your work to touch someone. Which is what we all want. To touch and to be seen. Well I saw you. Keep writing! No need to sit back down.

[hcarson]

Thank you gaia, thats a lovely review and much appreciated.

[BookWorm]

This really spoke to me, being a person with no confidence and extremely shy. You want to but you lack confidence, so you stay there are dream. Completely TRUE and amazing flow.

[hcarson]

Thank you bookworm, its's hard isnt it, shyness asnd confidence rule that persons world, i'm trying to fight back against mine, as i see you are too. Thank u so much for lovely review

[Obscured by the Shadows]

This was very beautifully written. It is so full of truth and shyness, something many of us can relate to. If people weren't shy, they wouldn't use Pen names or usernames, they would blast their personal names to the world! I myself don't have my name on this website at all, so that goes to show that shyness is common placed.

Many people *coughs* Danny the Outcast *coughs* think they don't have any talent at all, when really they have far more going for them than those around them. Never give up, try regardless of negativity, you will get somewhere eventually.

Very nicely done, I enjoyed it. Full Ratings, I will probably browse your work some more.

[hcarson]

Wow thank you for your comments shadow, you are rigjt, just keep trying and eventually something good will happen..in theory ;)

[Obscured by the Shadows]

In theory....