Her Heart

Every night she goes into her room and sits with a pen and a notebook and stitches a piece of her heart onto each page.

There was no love left inside
her heart, broken and bruised from
the very start. Would anyone stop and ask
how she’s doing? Are they too consumed by their lives
to care she’s been ruined? She sits alone every night and listens
to the rain, the only thing left to soothe her pain, and she writes on
her arms and she cries to herself and she rips her hair out- but no one
ever helps. She walks through the halls with her eyes to the floor as they
point and they stare and they laugh a little more. You could be the ones to
save her, but instead you hurt her more. Her parents just don’t understand her
and her siblings are too busy for her so every night she goes into her room and sits
with a pen and a notebook and stitches her heart into the paper- “For safe keeping” she
says, “I can take it out when I need it.”

Author's Note

comments and crit appreciated.

Reviews

[FANTASYKNIGHT]

wow! Many girls have probably gone through some sort of heartbreak some time during their lives. But you just describe the most severe of them, the heartbreak that takes over your life, that love that was meant to be, but never was. The guy that seemed to sweet, but turned out dark. Your portray the thoughts and feelings of that broken hearted soul so well. Excellent, I especially love the last phrase, it's not too dark, but just enough to end it off with a thought for the reader.
Again, amazing :)

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

wow i love this ! its amazing

[Laney]

Very good. "stiches" is with a needle and thread, try something pertaining to paper and ink, maybe etched??? Also too many 'ands' and did you change POV a couple of times??? I liked the sense of it.

[Marlena]

*Glomps* I loved it! The ending is awesome, and I like the way you made everything flow and have this rushed sort of feeling to it. Great work!

[yo]

Superb!! You describe vividly what she manages to do on paper as well. Enjoyed it from start to finish. We all delve into the solace of what keeps us positive and makes life manageable.

Gus O.

[Georgia Gypsy]

Reading this....left me shaking, the feelings so provakative, so very close to how i feel about myself right now....
that urge to pour oneself out into pages, to bury a heart in a safe place to not feel its ache, or hear it beating the same tune of hurt and desperation....by stitching it word at a time, to be able to take it out later....

very nearly made me cry....
wonderfully done!...

[Charles]

I was on a downhill slope as I moved through the first several lines (getting the feeling that this was going to be one of those 'woe is me' things with no redeeming features). The last line and a half, though, are superb. Don't know when I've liked an ending so much. Good write.

[Tiffany]

It has a nice flow and the topic is well developed. It has a sense of proactivity as well. In the end the speaker reveals her instinctual self preservation in a beautifully poetic line "she goes into her room and sits
with a pen and a notebook and stitches her heart into the paper." This ending makes the speaker a very real and interesting person. Nice write. t.