My Heart Kept Beating

My heart kept beating once it broke
A pang of pain in every note
I took a step and tumbled down
Looking for peace that would not be found

Author's Note

I thought it up the other day and finally got a chance to write it down. Comments? Crit?

Reviews

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem!

[kewlbluetiger]

Not really much crit. Short poems like this are meant to invoke feelings or for the reader to identify with the writer. For me this was about a broken promise. I loved it. "pang of pain" was great use of alliteration. Keep up the great work!

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

Hmmm interesting. Rather short :S
But I really only have one criticism.
'Looking for peace that would not be found' could be shortened to 'Looking for peace that wouldn't be found' and that's only minor.
Good job,
--Andrew

[Aekmy]

Your work is always very good. Great job.

-Mary

[Marlena]

I like it, but it's annoying the hell out of me that you forgot the period at the end xD I dunno why XDDDD I do like it though, kind of cute in a bittersweet sort of way.

[Winter Poison]

I like it! It's very to-the-point. Although I don't really /mind/ the shortness, I feel the theme could be expanded upon. But still, very nice work, as always. ^^