You're Gone

The cool wind blew around us...

The cool wind blew over us
Settling like a whisper in my ears
Curling so gently around your form
And I looked at your still body
When they closed the door
And even now with the stone in sight
Proof of the undeniable truth
I just can’t believe
You’re gone.

Author's Note

Um...Yeah. I wanted to write something, so I did. Comments and crit appreciated.

Reviews

[Marlena]

So sad, but very heartfelt- good job!

[bluessadmood]

Oh this is so strong haunting and sad and very true,and the way you tell it,just so strong
I looked at your still body when they closed the door
Even now the stone in sight,I just cant believe
That you are gone
sad and lovely write..so true,no one could believe she is gone..and where..

[Nicole]

I like the simplicity of this. Pretty straight to the core, well spoken, clearly connects and sends a sorrowful message. I'm not sure if it's intentional, but the lines,
"Proof of the undeniable truth
I just can't believe"
are almost contradictory, which I like. When I read through the first time, this worked for me in the sense that despite the reality of the situation (subject of poem is passed on) the narrator is still emotionally unable to commit to accepting this as the truth. That is what I derived from my read at least. I also appreciate the tiny details (cool wind, still body, closed the door...) which help indirectly exhibit the sense of mourning/death. I like this very much.

[Tallulah]

short and bitter sweet. i have to say very very sad. there is such a soft strength behind the words though as well as so much emotion. great job.
love ya,
Tallulah

[Winter Poison]

Ah, lovely work. Very heartfelt and simple, I adore it.