The Knife

A story I wrote while watching the movie based on the book, "The Lord of the Flies." Although it is not the same story I was inspired by "The Lord of the Flies" to write this.

            The shelters were cold and damp.  I sat huddled in the corner with a knife clutched in my bony hand, poised and ready to kill him the second he came back.  He couldn’t have left me there, alone in this cursed shelter.  No one could be that cruel.  He had to come back.

            I heard a splattering sound on top of the shelter, and then felt a drop of water fall onto my forehead.  It was raining.  I shuddered violently against the cold.  I was wearing only a dirty rag that hung in loose tatters around me, and it was doing nothing to protect me from the chilling winds whipping across the island every few seconds.

            I gripped the knife tighter so that it left white marks on my palm.  I heard the snap of a twig breaking outside.  He must have come back for me.  He didn’t realize that I could easily escape.  I had cut my bonds, and now I was so much closer to being free than ever before.  All I had to do was kill him.  Then, somehow, I had to get off of this cursed island.  No more would I be his prisoner.  No more would the island be my prison.  No more would the shelter be my jail cell.

            His shadow appeared in the doorway of the shelter.  I raised my knife behind my back.  He would never see it coming.  He would never expect this of me.  After all, hadn’t I always been the innocent one?  Hadn’t I always been the sweet little girl?  

            I closed my eyes and awaited his approach.  I tried to chase all thoughts out of my mind.  This was no time to be feeling guilty.  I had to kill him.  It was purely self defense… right?  He was crazy, quite insane.  I was saving him from further anguish and pain…

            He strolled into the shelter as if he had not a care in the world, freshly washed with a handful of meat in his hands.  

            “Hope you didn't get any ideas while I was gone.”  He chuckled, as if the mere idea of me thinking was ridiculous.  

            But he had no idea.  He didn't know what I was capable of.

            The food in his hands smelled delicious and my mouth watered.  My stomach growled loudly and he heard it.  

            He took a gigantic bite of the meat and then licked his lips in satisfaction.

            “Mmm… Fantastic.” He finished the rest in the span of about thirty seconds.  I cringed.  Why did I still expect him to have good manners?

            This was the last straw.  I wanted to kill him right then and there.  But I knew had to wait for the perfect moment.  I trembled as I waited, terrified and angry at the same time.

He leaned over and sharply kicked my thin, weak shin.  I winced.  

"You're awfully quiet."  He scowled.   

"Nothing to say."  I muttered.

He kicked me a second time.  I lifted the knife behind my back.  

Then I looked at his face.  It was so full of hate, anger at me for absolutely nothing.  He deserved to die for doing this to me.  He had killed what was left of my family, he had taken every piece of my life and crushed it like a bug.  Then I snapped.  My anger boiled over.  And I turned towards him, my eyes narrowing.  

He laughed as if I were acting stupid.  It was time to wipe that stupid grin from his face. 

In one swift motion, I turned to him raised my knife and stabbed him right in the chest.  He looked at me, astonishment in his eyes.

            “You… You…”  Then he died.

            I pulled the knife out and looked at the blood dripping onto the white sand.  Then I looked at the cold dead body with sadness, for it was the body of someone I knew, someone I had once loved.

            Laying on the sand, covered in blood, his heart no longer beating, was my brother.

Reviews

[Cricket Kidd]

AAGH! Holy crap, creepy much! Why did her brother do that to her? That makes me sad!

[GamingGal]

Pros: You hold back the knowledge of him being her brother till the end, which gives suspense. You're description is pretty good as well.

Cons: I found a few things that could use some fixing. First off, to me, a twig goes "snap" and not "crack" as you have it written. In the third paragraph, you repeat "escape" twice within two sentences, and it is a bit redundant. The second one could be changed to "freedom" and it would sound better, in my opinion. Also, I know it's a short story, but perhaps you could lengthen it, keep the suspense going for a while before revealing who he is. Perhaps have her kill him in his sleep or something. I just don't envision killing someone to be that easy.

Overall: A good read (I'm glad you enjoyed the Lord of the Flies, I wasn't a fan of it).