A Crack

I saw a telephone wire from a distance out my window and it looked as if the sky had been cracked. This poem was inspired by that..

A crack,

A break in the screen,

That makes up the sky.

A simple tear,

With perfect straightness,

Cutting a corner of the dome.

We don’t see any difference.

When the stars come out,

As if painted on a flat surface,
Spots of white in a seemingly endless world.

The fissure will somehow vanish.

Even now in daylight,

The clouds keep moving.

The sky is such a vast empty space,

But yet it encloses us somehow.

I see the break,

The tiny line,

Just barely within my vision.

Will no one else see it in the same way?

Will the sky go to pieces,

And fall apart?

Coming down on our unsuspecting lives?

A sudden end to a boxed in world.

Author's Note

This was one of my first poems that I wrote for myself instead of school so please nothing too harsh :) Thanks!

Reviews

[Sakshi]

Superb..!! :)

[novelrise]

It captivated me to the end... and I read it twice over. Well done.

[KAREN]

I think its very good! The sky is a beautiful art to me and your poem had some good imagery about it!

[Tate Morgan]

As an artist we area ble to asee what others take for granted.The endless complexity of the sky and stars Men have looked up to them for 40,000 generations and wondered what they were and who lived there.It is the vastness leaves us in awe.So can your thoughts be bigger than the universe ?
Very nice questions to put to us

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

I like the last line :)
well constructed, and a promising first poem. Keep it up.

[Alex Zynder]

I like the rhetorical questions too, what i do think could make it even better is some more metaphors on how the sky is like an enclosed dome, that would give an even better visual to the reader :)

[GamingGal]

Pros: I like the rhetorical questions at the end. And I love the last line. Describing our world as a boxed place, a place where the sky is trapping us, is interesting and fun to think about. In an odd way, it reminds me of that movie "Chicken Little" where the sky cracks and whatnot.

Cons: Not much of a con, but just a little something. When you say "I see the break/ a tiny line" would a break really be a line? Perhaps saying a "crooked" line or something. I just don't envision a break as a clean-cut line. But, as I said, not really a con, just a thought.

Overall: A good poem with a very exceptional ending.