Blood and Guts

A Stage Play by Irena

So for Theatre class we had to write ten minute plays and I wrote this teen comedy for fun and decided to post it on here. Enjoy (:

The curtains open on a living room with a couch set in the center facing the audience. A coffee table sits in front of the couch and on it lie a bowl of popcorn, a few cans of soda, a TV remote, and a DVD box. Another table sits on stage left with a liter of soda, and snacks on it. Two teenage boys, Sean and Jake are arguing with each other. Sean is sitting on the couch, and Jake is standing.

Sean: I don’t see how this is gonna work…
Jake: Dude it’s so obvious. Scary movies are perfect for stuff like this.

Sean: I don’t think Ally likes scary stuff though…

Jake: That’s the point. She’ll be scared, she’ll need someone to grab onto and oh look… you’re in the perfect spot to just lean over and put your arm around her. Jake leans over while saying this and puts his arm around Sean with the classic yawn.

Sean: Dude! Jake quickly jerks back his arm.

Knock on the door

Sean: They’re here. Let’s do something else. How about we get some pizza or something instead?

Jake: Oh come on. Pull yourself together. This’ll work perfectly. You’ve just gotta be real smooth. Sean looks worried. Jake answers door and two girls appear. Hello ladies.

Monica: Hey Jake! Monica grabs Jake and pulls him onto the couch then grabs popcorn and starts eating it. Ally follows behind and sits on the other side. Between handfuls of popcorn. What are we watching?

Jake: Blood and Guts 4: Revenge of the Bloody Ax.

Monica: Awesome.

Sean gets up and walks towards a table with food on it.

Sean: awkwardly. Obvious he’s making stuff up. Hey Jake. Looks like we’re out of cherry coke. You might wanna come over here and open a new one.

Jake: I never bought any cherry co-

Sean: Just get over here. Jake walks over and looks annoyed.

Jake: What?

Sean: suddenly bursts out with I lied, okay? I don’t like horror movies. Like I really don’t like horror movies. In fact, I kind of really hate horror movies. I’m terrified. The last time I saw a horror movie, I ended up curled up in a ball behind my couch. Now Ally’s gonna see me like this and she’ll think I’m a total wimp and then I’ll never get to kiss her and I’ll end up alone and someday I’ll be a crazy cat man. Wait do crazy cat men exist?

Jake: You’re scared of some dumb movie? Starts laughing Dude, you ARE a wimp!

Sean: It’s not funny! What if she tells her friends? What if it ends up on Facebook?! I’ll never live this down.

Jake: Hey, dude, calm down. They’re looking over here. Act like I said something funny. Sean laughs awkwardly. Look, I can’t change the movie now. Then they’ll definitely know you’re a wimp! But seriously it’s not that big a deal. Just pretend you’re not scared okay? Walks back to the girls

Sean: Follows Jake No Jake, wait, you don’t understand I’m… oh Hey Ally. Hey. What’s up?

Ally: Um not much?

Sean: Good. That’s good. Good good good… good. Awkward silence as Josh goes to sit beside Ally.

Monica: Not noticing any of the awkwardness due to still shoving popcorn in her mouth. While still eating I’m so excited about this movie. I heard it’s so scary, and my brother says the special effects are so good, you can really hear the sound when the guts are ripped out.

Sean: That’s… great… I love guts…

Jake: Yeah apparently the blood looks even more real than in Blood and Guts 3! My friend said he barfed.

Josh: That sounds… awesome.

Ally: Yeah I’m excited too. Except I get pretty scared at horror movies. But you’ll protect me from the murderers, right Sean?

Sean: … uh huh. Whatever you say... Looks terrified

Monica: Oh my God. Get a room you two. Turns to Jake. Start the movie already will ya?

Jake picks up the remote and presses play. Movie credit music plays. On the couch all stare intently at the screen except Josh who looks like he’s about to get up and run away. Creepy music is playing.

Sean: It’s lookin pretty dark…

Silence (except for the creepy music)

Sean: Guys…

Silence

Sean: Hey guys, we don’t have to be so quiet…

Monica: Shh.

Stare intently at the screen. Sean turns to the screen and something scary happens so the girls scream. Sean screams in a very high pitch voice for longer than them and then notices what he’s done and tries to turn the scream into a cough.

Sean: Something was in my throat so I uh… made that weird sound.

Mike: Shut up.

They all scream again. Mike looks at Monica and then slowly puts his arm around her. Sean looks at him and then back and forth between Ally and the movie. Then he moves his arm to go around Ally’s shoulders. Then something scary happens on the screen and he screams and his hand slaps Ally in the back of the head.

Ally: Ow! What the heck?

Sean: Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! You alright?

Ally: I’m fine. Massages her head

Sean: Seriously I can get you some ice or something.

Jake: Sean. She’s fine. Shut up and watch the movie.

Sean: Alright, alright. Jeez.

Silence for a few moments as they watch. Sean starts to look progressively more scared.

Jake: Oh man look at all that blood!

Monica: Whoa, you can totally see his bone!

Jake: Don’t split up, don’t split up! Oh they’re splitting up. Idiots. Starts laughing. Man that guy’s gonna die.

Monica: I hate it when people do that in horror movies. It’s like, duh, the killers gonna find one of you and you’re gonna be all alone with no one to help you.

Jake: So stupid. But we’d totally survive a horror movie. Right Sean? … Sean?

Sean is curled up in a ball.

Sean: Right. Blood. Killers. Bones. Yup.

Ally: Are you okay?

Sean: Yup. Totally fine. I mean, heh heh, you’re the one who should be scared right?

Ally: Oh I don’t know. I think it’s kinda stupid really. I mean, it’s so obvious it’s fake.

Sean: Right. Obvious.

Ally: I mean, take that guy for instance. He’s getting chopped in half in the middle of a town right?

Sean: Uh huh. Looks terrified

Ally: Wouldn’t someone hear him screaming?

Sean: Uh huh.

Ally: And the acting’s really bad.

Sean: Sean is covering his eyes Uh huh.

Ally: I mean come on. Those screams are so fake.

Suddenly the lights go out. All you hear is Sean screaming and tables being overturned and such. Then the lights come back on. You see Sean hugging Ally’s legs while she stands there looking exasperated.

Ally: Alright that’s it!

Sean: What? He stands up.

Ally: It was just a stupid power surge!

Sean: Oh…

Ally: This is the worst date I’ve ever been on. I tried. You’re hot so I tried.

Sean: I can explain…

Ally: And you started acting all weird and I was like ‘Oh maybe he’s just nervous cause it’s a date,’ But you know what? I don’t think so. I just think you’re weird.

Sean: Ally come on.

Ally: No. I’m leaving. You’re a… you’re a… You’re a wimp! Come on Monica. She storms out the door. Monica kisses Jake on the cheek and then starts after her. Then she stops awkwardly in front of Sean.

Monica: Bye Sean… Then she runs after Ally out the door.

Sean sits on the couch.

Sean: Well that was a complete disaster.

Jake: It wasn’t that bad…

Sean: She stormed out the door.

Jake: Yeah but-

Sean: She called me a wimp.

Jake: Yes but-

Sean: Look, just leave me alone.

Quiet for a second.

Jake: Hey Sean.

Sean: What?
Jake: She thinks you’re hot.