a day

hope for the future

I want the light of the world to shine so brightly that the darkness of ignorance is eclipsed and truth to rain down from the sky like diamonds. I want dark and light to meet as one in unity, for the true recognition of strength is the acceptance of the darkness within yourself and the later striving for light all the same. 

I want the masks hidden behind to fall away and the intensity and spirt and strength of all, the hurt and pain and injustice of all, to be revealed, even if only for a second, like a rainbow dancing out from behind a cloud. 

I want all of the world to communicate in love, in openness, free of judgement, free of hatred, I want the world to communicate in music, a vast crescendo of Cb major, with the song at the heart of each city reflecting the music at the heart of it’s inhabitants.

I want to spin out from the cosmic dance of the universe to be grounded in the here and now, and to recognize each minute for what it truly is, a new beginning and a fresh chance to be alive. 

I want to be held so closely that who I am melts, and that I am grounded in what is really real. I want truth, I want reality, I want to speak without censoring myself, I want to dream. 

I want to hold someone gently, tightly, their head upon my heart, and let the language of love and connection between two human resonate more clearly than any word within the silence that is not silent, and let feelings of home, security, protection, and gentle companionship fill the spaces between minutes.

I want to count the number of the stars in the sky, and then pause, stop, and let myself be caught up in the beauty of the world without numbering things. I want to watch the sunrise and hold my arms out, and imagine what the world would be like if everything was a part of an abstract painting and at dawn and sunrise and autumn the bright colours show the world breaking through to light.

I want to wear no shoes, and I want to cry, and to be, and to exist in a moment as just who I am, and I want to bake cookies and forget to add sugar and make lemonade out of the lemons life gives me, and to taste the dawn, and to imagine for a moment that I am truly tangible and that my life has meaning. 

I want to open my heart and open my arms and love and have life without fearing that I will give myself completely away or fear hurt or inadequacy or anything that you can’t name that haunts you all the same. I want to shout f**k the world and f**k the patriarchy and f**k the pain and suffering and f**k everything and then close my eyes and dream and see a single flower and find the beauty again even though doing so is sometimes a fricking uphill battle.

I want to be good enough, I want to be enough, I want to be me and at the same time I don’t like the person I am.

I want to truly connect and communicate. I want to hold the world close and to fill a page of every newspaper with words of love, and to dance to the rhythm of the heartbeat of the galaxy. I want to hesitate at the crossing of my stream, a toe of a shoe in the cold water, then take off my socks and shoes, tie up my hair, and connect with the trees and feel my wings and fly again. 

I want to hold all of the children I can never protect and can never be enough for in my arms, to look closely at each and every one, and to tell all that they are loved, they are beautiful in all imperfection, they are now and always will be enough. I want to say they are like candles, and that their inner light can never be put out, and I want to take the pain from all, let it settle in my bones, and let the hearts of those be light

I am flawed, I am imperfect, I am broken, and most days it is way to hard to get out of bed and face the world in my self created loneliness, and I want one day to realize that I still can continue to move forward because my life has not yet ended and will never again try to end by my own hand.

I want to dream. I want to sing, and I want to paint all of the greys on the sidewalks with the colours of dawn, and I want to grow flowers and plant trees and tear down inward prisons and feel the sun shine upon my face again and blow the clouds away like a breath of light.

I want to sit in a crowded restaurant and not feel alone, and talk in poetry and third person, and my words will fall from my lips like iambic pentameter, like bad haikus, and the silence between each letter will mean so much more than the letters themselves.

I want to dream and to be and to live and to imagine all that could be, I want every moment to resonate with true meaning, to imagine a world free of all bounds. 

I am.