Erich - Fifteen

Erich

          There was no way around it. I had to be impressed with Banhart. Hell, he deserved some credit for this one. He had not only landed himself in bed with Hersch’s sister but also managed to sneak her out of the room right under Abrahamson’s nose. Honestly it was the stuff of legends. And even I had to admit Rebecca seemed like a girl who was worth the effort.

He dodged questions about it for the rest of the night. Who could blame him? Banhart was good at a lot of things but lying was not one of them. He would have been dead in a second without me and Gabe to cover for him. According to his clearly improvised story, the girl was the cousin of a guy in the east block who spilled something on her shirt and came back to the dorm with him to get it cleaned off.

It sounded like a bad eight-pager to me. But Abrahamson seemed to buy it. It was an odd thing, actually. Hersch usually had intuition like a mind-reader. But he obviously couldn’t see Jim’s total betrayal at all. I wondered why he never seemed to be able to see through Rebecca. He probably trusted her enough not to question anything she did. It was actually kind of sad to think about that. The only person he thought couldn’t double-cross him was the one getting away with everything behind his back.

            Anyway, Banhart was smart. So he knew the fastest way to get the attention off of him was to call it a night. He crawled into his bunk with a book hours before our usual lights out. We didn’t argue. I knew the sooner Hersch went to sleep, the sooner I could get the real story out of Jim. It didn’t take long. Moretti and Abrahamson were the heavy sleepers of the four of us. Jim and I were always the last two awake.

            I had to wait about another half hour before I heard Hersch start snoring. Regular puffs of smoke were still coming up from Jim’s bunk, so I knew he was still awake. I kept my eyes on the ceiling above me and said quietly, “You fucked his sister, didn’t you?”

            Jim flipped over to face me. “You don’t have to say it like that.”

            “Don’t worry. They’re asleep.” Gabe had started whimpering into his pillow. Asleep for sure.

            “That’s not what I meant,” he hissed agitatedly.

            “What did you mean, then?”

             “I mean it wasn’t like that,” Jim groaned. “You know, it doesn’t always have to be just f*****g.”

            “It does for me.”

            “Well I don’t treat girls like garbage.”

“Sorry. I didn’t realize you’d become a broad.” I whispered sarcastically.

“F**k off.” He turned his back on me. I thought maybe I had gone too far. He wasn’t getting any real apology out of me. But I was going to have to try and be nicer if I wanted him to tell me anything.

“Jesus, sorry Banhart.” I waited a minute for a response that didn’t come. “So how was it?”

There was another quiet minute before he said over his shoulder, “amazing. Really, really… She’s special. You know? It’s like, everything’s different now. You do know what I mean, special?”

I didn’t. But I sensed something bad was coming. “Christ, Banhart. Tell me you don’t think you love her.” He was quiet for too long this time. “Oh, f**k. Jim! What am I always telling you? Girls are nothing but trouble. Trust me. This thing is going to wreck your life if you’re stupid about it. If you tell her you love her after one f**k, you’re done for.”

“I don’t know!” he hissed. “I don’t know! I mean, I think I want to be. I haven’t ever… been, you know, in love. Is that… what it’s like?” he asked awkwardly.

I snorted. “You’re asking the wrong guy. The last girl I was with…” NO! I am not talking to Jim about this. “… I can just say we weren’t really Romeo and Juliet. If you need advice, I’m the expert in how not to be in love. You might as well ask Abrahamson.”

“Very funny,” he said flatly. “Believe me, if it wasn’t his sister, Hersch would be the one to talk to. He loved that…” he cut off really quick and corrected himself, “… loves that girl of his more than anything.”

            “Then why don’t you just tell him?”

            Jim sighed quietly. “Rebecca thinks he doesn’t want to see anyone else be happy together if he can’t be with Kristen. I just think he doesn’t want to lose either of us. I promised him I wouldn’t touch her again, after the night he caught us outside, remember I told you?” I nodded. “Anyway, if he found out, the only way I would survive would be if he killed himself first.” He laughed under his breath. “So I’m stuck asking you for guidance, Mr. Skirt Chaser,” he said sarcastically. “Even you have to admit, you probably give better advice than Moretti.

            I had to laugh. “I’m not denying that.” If he wanted advice, I was going to tell him what I really thought. And what I thought was that the whole thing sounded stupid. There was no way Jim of all people would be able to keep this up forever. The guy was an idiot when it came to girls. “I think you ought to get it over with, Banhart. Hersch has to find out sooner or later anyway.”

            “Yeah,” Jim sighed, “we’ll see.”

It was quiet for a long time. That probably would have been the end of the conversation. But then there was an awful sound from below me. Gabe let out a muffled cry and blubbered in Italian. “Mi dispiace. Mi dispiace tanto, Leo.” I groaned. This was going to be a bad night.

Jim and I just listened for a minute. “He do this a lot?”

I nodded. “Every night.”

“That’s bad.”

“Yeah.” It was worse than bad, actually. It was horrible to listen to. Every night I tried my hardest to get to sleep as fast as possible so I wouldn’t have to listen. If he had asked, I would have had to feed Jim some bull about how annoying it was to be kept awake. But really, I just couldn’t stand the sound of him crying. It felt like someone was twisting my heart with two hands.

Gabe had barely quieted down when another cry came up from below. This one wasn’t under me though. “Kristen… Kristen… Pozwól mi pomóc jej! Puść mnie! Let me go!”

Hersch was louder than Gabe usually was. He was practically yelling. It made me shoot up in bed. “Damn it!” I hissed. “Does he do that a lot?”

Jim shook his head. “Not often. But it gets pretty bad when he does. They must not overlap too often.”

“Thank God,” I breathed, lowering myself back into bed. “We would never get any sleep, would we?”

Jim didn’t think that was funny. “I think it’s sad.” He was right. It was heartbreaking. I couldn’t say it, but it took everything I had not to cry listening to them. It was the worst thing I had ever heard. Hearing them whimper like that hit a spot in my heart I hadn’t even known was there. And I felt so sad and so miserable and so hopeless I wanted to die.

Jim couldn’t take it anymore either. “Should we wake them up?”

I wanted to. Goddamn it did I want to. Anything to make them be quiet. But I couldn’t “No. It will only make it worse. If they know we know about this, everything will go to hell.” Jim didn’t answer. I couldn’t take the silence. Something needed to drown out the moaning. “Do you think they’re dead?” I asked. “The ones they’re talking to?”

Jim took a deep breath. “Kristen is. Rebecca told me.”

I couldn’t say I hadn’t suspected that. “And Gabe?”

“I was hoping you could tell me.” Jim looked at me from across the canyon between the bunks. “He really hasn’t told you? I figured you two knew everything about each other by now. You spend so much time together.”

“You’re telling me. I don’t know damn a thing about whatever happened in Italy. He knows loads more about me than I do about him.”

“You’re kidding?” Jim propped himself up on an elbow. “I’d have thought it was the other way around. Do you ever see the way he looks at you? He practically worships you. Can you tell?”

That made me uncomfortable. I turned my head to the wall and didn’t look at him. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“Do you ever get worried? You know with the, uh… the way he is?” He was being vague on purpose. But I got it.

I didn’t want to talk about this. Not behind Gabe’s back. Not when Gabe still hadn’t told me outright himself. I still wouldn’t look at Jim. “We don’t know that’s how he is.”

Jim dropped it. He knew he had taken it too far. “I guess.” He settled back and stared at the ceiling. But he wasn’t quite done preaching yet. “You ought to take care of him.”

“Piss off. He’s not my problem.”

“Well he should be. I know it’s not a picnic, being you. But he’s got a crummy past too, and he can’t deal with it the same way you can. I’m doing everything I can to keep Hersch sane, and you ought to be doing the same for Gabe. Hell, we’re all the family they’ve got.” I didn’t answer. I hoped he would just drop it. But he wouldn’t. “Come on, Amery. He’s barely seventeen. He’s just a kid.”

I didn’t like that I wasn’t sure why exactly, but I hated him for saying that. “You don’t know anything about him!”

“Neither do you! You said so yourself!”

“He’s not a kid,” I growled as loudly as I could without waking them up. “And he can take care of himself just like the rest of us. It’s not our job to help either of them.”

“Fine!” Jim hissed angrily. “Then why don’t you just keep treating him like one of your b*****s from back home? Hmm? Smack him around and make him sit at your feet? That’s nice and healthy. Ought to keep him from killing himself the second they put him on that train.”

That hit a nerve. I knew I could have treated Gabe better. A lot of the time I got madder at him then I needed to. But what bugged me was that I had thought I was treating Gabe better. But Jim obviously thought it wasn’t enough. Maybe Gabe couldn’t see it either.

No. Gabe must have been able to see it. I had told him I trusted him, hadn’t I? That was the most meaningful thing I had ever said to anyone in my whole life.

I didn’t want Jim to win the argument. But I knew I was in the wrong. I laid back and studied the cracks on the ceiling for a long time before talking again. “I’ll try and keep an eye on him, all right?”

“That’s all I’m saying.”

“Good.”

Hersch had quieted down already but Gabe was still at it. He was still whimpering in Italian. Thank God he was so much quieter than Hersch. Jim’s voice came from across the chasm one more time. “Don’t think about it, Amery. Just try and sleep.”

How the hell could I stop from thinking about it? I couldn’t not think about it. And I couldn’t even think about sleeping. Jim started nose-whistling after a few minutes, lucky b*****d. But all I could do was wait for Gabe to shut up.

It took a long time. But eventually the cries for Leo quieted and I managed to drift off. I was never free of Gabe though. Even in my own dreams. Dreams that �" thank God �" I wouldn’t be able to remember in the morning.

Author's Note

A rare bit of bonding between Erich and Jim. What do you think?

Reviews

[Arianna]

:D happy pandas i love this side of erich. i knew it was there i just had yet to see it do more than pop out for a minute when he was with gabe. BUT ITS HERE.
man i LOVE your characters
i liked the rare bonding between the two. and poor gabe :( i feel so bad for him. i cant wait to see what happens but at the same time i never want this story to end! keep writing your amazing!
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[Jake Donald Stephens]

Seems to be another side of Erich surfacing.

All four of them are fascinating characters.

It seemed strange, the way they opened up to each other in this chapter.

Like, they've realized they're all each other has.

Wonder when that'll come crashing down?