Gabe - Fourteen

Gabe

 

In the week that followed the fight, I held up pretty well. My head had stopped pounding by Friday (Jim said it might have been a concussion after all), my bruises faded pretty fast, and �" most importantly �" the Wankers didn’t give me a second glance. With some luck, I hoped we could all forget about the whole thing in a couple days.

Telling Jim and Hersch what happened had been humiliating. They knew me well enough to know I wasn’t the toughest guy in the world, but now they knew how pathetic and weak I could be. I had gotten clobbered, no way around it, and it hurt my pride to say so.

I couldn’t admit it, but for a few days there, I spent a lot of time wishing I could be more like Erich. I wished the tough breaks in my past had made me strong instead of weak. I wished I was the one who had beaten four Wankers by myself and come home a hero. They wouldn’t call me a fairy then.

But even though �" or maybe because �" I came off of the fight looking so useless, the guys rallied around me. It took me a while to figure out that they weren’t just making sure another fight didn’t break out, they were taking care of me. And even though I felt stupid and weak, I couldn’t help but feel like I actually belonged with them. I realized how long it had been since I felt like anyone cared about me.

They did everything they could to make sure I was okay:  We traveled in a pack for the rest of the week. Jim (who turned out to be some kind of bloody doctor in training) patched me up after the fight and Hersch escorted me pretty much everywhere. Only Erich didn’t speak to me until Friday, when I finally got caught.

It was stupid to even go to the music building. But after two days I was starting to feel like if I didn’t get out of my own head and stop thinking about the fight I would go crazy. I should have known someone would come looking for me; they hadn’t let me go anywhere alone for two days. It was stupid, I know. But Erich was the last person I expected to see there.

I knew why he wouldn’t talk to me, and it had less to do with the fight than you might think. Something weird had happened that night, when he woke up calling my name. But I knew better than to bring that up, especially given the way he acted around me afterword. I was more scared to ask him than I was curious to know what happened.

So he had avoided me ever since the fight, and I knew he wasn’t okay with what had happened. I knew him better than any of the other guys, but we certainly weren’t friends, so the fact that he had saved me like that really made everything really tense. I owed him my life, or at least most of my teeth, and he bloody well didn’t know how to deal with that.

But Erich owed me too. And when I saw him there, all I could do was ask the same thing he had asked of me back in London. And �" would you believe it �" he promised to keep it a secret.

After that, though, he went back to being stony and cold towards me. I mean, he had never been at all warm around me. But he still didn’t speak to me, or really any of the guys for that matter, until Saturday afternoon. And even then it was Hersch who provoked him out of his silence.

“So, Rebecca’s coming down tonight.”

It was warm and breezy outside, and the four of us had been sprawled out under the oak tree since breakfast. Jim reacted to Hersch’s announcement like he had just been told the devil was coming to meet us. “What?” He shot up off his back with wide eyes.

Hersch gave Jim a look that made him shrink back. “What’s got into you? She’s just my sister. I already told you she was thinking about coming down.”

I glanced quickly at Erich, whose mouth turned up just a little at the corners. We both knew why Jim was so unhappy to have Rebecca around. At first I hadn’t really believed him �" the bloody crazy coincidence that the call girl he met happened to be Hersch’s sister, not to mention how exaggerated his story sounded �" but after just a few days of having her around he had started to look so edgy I thought he would have a stroke, and I figured he must have been telling at least most of the truth.

Jim seemed to be struggling with a reason for his objection. “Well… I mean… so soon? After the fight? I thought you said things needed to, uh, calm down.”

Hersch rolled his eyes. “The only one who needs calming down is you. Why the hell do you get so worked up all the time? She just wants to meet you guys.”

“Hey, I’m with Banhart,” Erich said. It was the first words he had spoken all day, and his voice was gravelly and cold. “Who says we want to meet her.”

Hersch glared at him. Those two could usually keep the hostility between them quiet. But Erich didn’t want to have to get comfortable with any more Jews, and Hersch sure didn’t want to go parading his little sister in front of any German. “I don’t give a s**t what you think of her. In fact, you can stay the hell away from her. But she’s coming down tonight, like it or not.” He turned back to Jim. “That goes for you, too.”

That was the end of the discussion, and the mood of the group was so uneasy that we went our separate ways a few minutes later. I was glad, as I dashed towards the music building, that I had stayed out of the argument. I didn’t care one way or the other if Rebecca came down. I was about as uncomfortable around girls as I was around boys, though for totally different reasons. Girls had always baffled me, and it was better to stay well enough away from them. Most of the time, it was better to stay well enough away from everyone.

Regardless of the argument, Rebecca was still coming. Hersch went up to get her after dinner that night, and to my surprise Jim and Erich both stuck it out in the room.

“You’re both staying then?”

Erich grunted. “I’m not getting driven out by any Jewish b***h.”

I looked at Jim, who, like he always did when things got uncomfortable, was making himself invisible by sinking into a book. When he realized I was waiting for an answer, he laughed nervously. “Oh yeah, what Amery said.”

I was ready to let it go, but Erich laughed. “You’re just pissed because there’s no way you’re getting anything else out of her. Whatever you did with her, you must have been pretty awful.”

“Piss off.”

“F**k y…”

That was as far as the argument ever got, because Hersch swooped into the room with Rebecca at his heels.

I hadn’t much chance to interact with her, if you don’t count the few minutes Erich and I spent standing dumbly in the doorway when we finally realized she wasn’t Hersch’s call girl. When they stood next to each other, she did look a lot like Hersch: same skin color and bone structure, same guarded smile. She didn’t have his heavy brow, though, or his nose, so Rebecca was definitely the prettier one.

“Guys, you’ve met Rebecca,” Hersch said tensely. Obviously he hadn’t expected both of them to stick around.

She smiled, and I realized I was the only one who was standing up or even looking at her. Jim and Erich were both sprawled out in their beds acting like she wasn’t there. I felt bad that that we made such a poor showing, so I offered a hand. “Hi. I’m Gabe.”

She didn’t take my hand, but threw her arms around me, probably glad that at least someone was going to be nice to her. “Gabriel! It’s so good to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you!” Her accent was stronger than Hersch’s. I wondered as I awkwardly hugged back exactly what Hersch had told her. I glanced at him over her shoulder, and saw that he was looking at me gratefully. He must have been happy that at least I was going to treat his sister civilly.

She pulled back quickly. “I was so worried when Herschel told me about the fight. You are healing well, yes?” she asked, sizing up the damage.

I was so surprised to realize she cared at all it took me a minute to respond. “Yeah… yeah I’m great. Hardly black and blue at all anymore.”

She nodded approvingly and then, much to Hersch’s obvious distress, approached Erich’s bunk. “And you must be Erich.” He was so clearly shocked by her acknowledgement, he shot up in bed and hit his head on the ceiling.

Then Rebecca laughed. I gaped at her. How could this girl have the courage to laugh at Erich? He could snap her like a twig! “Well, you certainly did not frighten off those west block boys with your coordination.”

Erich looked at her like she was a creature from Mars. I could tell he couldn’t process that this skinny Jewish girl was making fun of him. When he didn’t respond, she laughed again and turned to Jim’s bunk.

“And James, I hoped for a warmer welcome from you. We got on so well last time we met!” When he didn’t take his eyes off the book, she reached into his bunk and slapped him on the arm.

“Rebecca!” Hersch protested.

“What?” She turned back to us with a smile. “James and I are friends. Are we not, James?” I could tell what she meant: they had to be civil towards each other to keep Hersch from getting suspicious. Neither of them wanted Hersch to find out. Hersch obviously didn’t know about Rebecca’s job in the city, and Jim bloody sure didn’t want Hersch finding out he had seduced his little sister. They were at an impasse.

Jim caught on right away. “Oh, yeah, Beck �" Rebecca.” He leapt out of his bed as he fumbled over her name. “Sorry. Just… really good reading.” He gestured towards his Biology textbook, which we all knew was anything but fun to read. “Good to see you again.” Jim held old his arms for a hug just as Rebecca awkwardly reached for a handshake instead. They ended up gripping arms for a minute before Jim looked away uncomfortably. He was obviously more unnerved by the situation than she was.

I looked over to see what Hersch thought of this, but he was digging in the boiler. “You want something to eat, Rebecca? We’ve got breakfast rolls and carrots and…” by this point his whole head was in there. “… and there should be some meat strips or something in here.”

“Jerky.”

“Piss off, Banhart.” Hersch resurfaced with his arms full.

“I will just have an apple, thank you,” Rebecca replied, “And a cigarette.”

The ground shook and we all turned to see Erich out of bed. He nodded towards Hersch. “Me too.”

We were all too shocked to say anything else. Hersch just gaped at Erich as he handed him a pack and an apple. Erich lit the cig, then, after a second of hesitation, tossed his lighter to Rebecca. She caught it, lit her own, and then looked right at Erich. She held his gaze for a good five seconds, sizing him up with a little smile, not backing down one inch, until he finally dropped his eyes. Then she dropped gracefully to her knees on the floor.

The four of us looked down on her, confused. She looked right back. “What? We can’t all four eat at that desk, can we?”

Like you’ve probably already figured out, I don’t have much experience with girls. But something about Rebecca Abrahamson made you want to do anything she said. And I could tell I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Obviously Jim was totally under her spell, she had her brother around her little finger, and she had all but yanked Erich out of bed with maybe six words. I didn’t understand it, but I liked that girl immediately.

So naturally all four of us pretty much fell to the floor at her request. And the five of us �" our group made even more bizarre than before by Rebecca’s presence �" sat there on that ugly rug and ate and drank and smoked like she was an old friend.

As the night went on, it became clear that Rebecca and her brother had very different ways of dealing with being refugees. She, like Hersch, had obviously been through hell to get here. They both tensed up like a bowstring if anyone brought up life before Wellington’s, so no one actually knew what they had done to escape Poland. But I knew, and so did Erich, because we had both been through hell too. You could see it in their faces, in all of our faces. But while Hersch dealt with his hardships with bitterness, sarcasm, and incessant scribbling in his bloody journal, Rebecca wore her burdens with a sad, crooked smile and biting humor.

After a long time of talking about our classes, the Wankers, and our ever-increasing number of misadventures, Rebecca finally spilled something about home. Maybe the whiskey loosened her tongue �" though that girl held her liquor better than any of us �" but something made her say to Hersch: “Passover must be coming soon.”

Hersch nodded at the floor. “I guess. Usually in April.”

Rebecca smiled sadly. “Remember when we were kids, Herschel? All the family would come over and Mama would crank up that damn old Victrola and make all the cousins dance?”

I shot an uncomfortable glance towards Jim and Erich, neither of whom were going to give any input, I could see. For as badly as I had wanted to know about their lives before England, this was not what any of us wanted to hear right now. No one wanted to think about those two as displaced orphans.

Hersch sighed, trying to keep her from getting carried away. “Rebecca…:”

“It’s hard to believe they’re all gone,” she ignored him, looking sadly at the ground. She gave a heavy sigh and Hersch put a hand on her shoulder, trying to signal her that now was not the time. After an excruciatingly long moment, she looked up. “I wish we had some music now.”

Bloody hell. It would come to this. I could already see Erich’s eyes darting between me and the space under my bunk where I kept my violin, indicating that I was going to have to fix this. After all these guys had done for me in the past couple of days, what else could I do but help Hersch out?

“Well, I’ve got a violin,” I said hesitantly.

The brightness that suddenly came to Rebecca’s face would have melted even Erich’s icy glare. “Really? Can you play?”

“I…” I glanced at Hersch, who was nodding with eager gratitude. “Sure. Just give me one second.”

As I dug under the bed for my case, I felt a little stupid. I had done everything I could to hide this from the guys, but one meaningful look from Erich and a grateful nod from Hersch was enough to have me reaching for my bow. But I couldn’t help but feel good about it. I had felt unbelievably helpless for the past few days. At least now I was good for something.

When I immerged, they were all standing, waiting for me. Off the top of my head, I picked something quick-paced and light that I knew by memory: the third movement of Beethoven’s violin concerto. Bleeding Christ, it had been a long time since I had preformed for anyone. The last person who had heard me play was…

I couldn’t think about that if I wanted to get this right. I took a deep breath, nodded, and started off without a word

I loved violin more than anything in the world. Even then, with the four of them staring at me, nothing could stop the warmth that flooded through me when I pulled the bow across the strings.

Rebecca grinned and clapped her hands excitedly at Hersch, who took hers with a real smile on his face before starting a dance they must have known from back home. Erich and Jim looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes, and when Erich cracked the tiniest smile, Jim bowed dramatically to him. Erich was trying his best to keep the grin off his face, but when Jim extended him a sweeping, comic hand, he laughed out loud. They grabbed arms and started in on some made up, melodramatic dance that involved a lot of twirling.

After that I couldn’t see much; I was concentrating too hard. Eventually, I just closed my eyes and listened to the laughing and clapping and, most of all, the music. Music. Nothing else had ever made sense to me, not since my Da had given me that first violin when I was five. It was what I was meant to do, I knew it.

It’s funny, this part of myself that I had kept from them really made me feel like I actually belonged with them. I brought something to that dark little dorm that had been missing, something we had in common. It made me wonder about whether keeping things from them made our lives better or worse.

A few minutes in, though, I opened my eyes to see that the attitude in the room had changed. Neither Erich nor Hersch was dancing anymore, but Jim and Rebecca were twirling clumsily around the floor. I figured what must have happened: either Rebecca or Jim went for a partner switch, and Erich and Hersch bloody well weren’t going to dance together. But Hersch still didn’t want Jim putting his hands all over his sister, which, by the looks of it, was exactly what Jim felt like doing. Hersch threw me a look, and I knew he meant for me to stop playing.

I had to force myself to cut to the ending, so the whole thing ended up sounding choppy and clumsy, but no one cared anymore. Rebecca and Jim were both winded and laughing, her sprawled out on Hersch’s bunk and him keeling over the desk chair.

“Oh… Oh Gabriel,” she said through gasps. “Thank you.” She wiped her eyes and righted herself, making her way over to me. “Oh, Gabriel dear, I needed that. Your music is wonderful.”

“Whoo! That was a riot, buddy!” Jim laughed. “Why didn’t you let on that you could do that?”

“That was amazing, Moretti,” Hersch agreed, his face still stonily locked on Jim and Rebecca.

I have to admit it: I was flattered. I was proud I had done something that made them happy. It wasn’t too often that I felt like I belonged with them, and it felt good to be acknowledged, especially since I had been so afraid of what they would think if they found out I played. So I couldn’t help the grin that spread over my face as I nodded a little too enthusiastically at them. I glanced towards Erich. He might have been the only one I had never impressed.

He was smiling, smiling in that way that made the ice in his eyes melt away. I bit my lip and looked down, scared to show him how happy I was.

Rebecca sighed, smoothed her skirt, and stood up. “Well James, you’ve worn me out,” she smiled knowingly at him. “Thank you boys, for the evening, but I’ll have to be heading back.”

“Oh, I walk you,” Hersch started.

“I’m fine, thanks, Herschel.” She insisted, almost too harshly. She nodded again to us. “Good night, boys. I hope to see you soon.”

“Good night, Rebecca!” Jim called eagerly as she made her way out the door. She gave him an impersonal wave before the door closed behind her. Once she was gone, Jim looked around the room at us with a huge, dopey grin on his face. “What a blast! Your sister is great!” When he caught Hersch’s eye, the smile dropped of his face. “What?”

Hersch shook his head. “That’s my sister,” he said seriously.

Jim rolled his eyes. “Really? I thought she was Moretti’s mom. Thanks for the heads up, pal,” he said sarcastically.

“You know what I mean.”

Jim snorted. “Piss off. I treated her better than Amery.”

“You piss off! I treated that girl fine!” Erich protested.

I could tell Hersch had actually been impressed with Erich. Everyone half expected him to slam the door on her face, but he had managed to sit across from her all night without incident. His tough guy exterior was crumbling after he saved me from the Wankers, but I guessed it was only a matter of time until he snapped again.

“Just forget it,” Hersch grumbled, flopping down in his bunk. “Let’s just go to bed.”

Jim glared at him. “You need to calm the hell down, Abrahamson. That was a great night.”

“I said forget it!”

The anger in Hersch’s roar rivaled Erich at his worse. That shut us all up, even Amery. We all glanced nervously around at each other and crawled into bed in silence.

As I lay there in the dark, listening to the angry, ragged breathing next to me, I realized something about Hersch. I had always known he was tough, but it took more than tough to escape occupied Poland. It took more than tough to repress whatever had happened to make him leave. There was something that kept him and Erich from killing each other, and that thing was a common ground. What made them both strong was what made me weak: our pasts. Whatever had happened to Hersch had made him almost as full of rage as Erich.

Hersch was dangerous.

Author's Note

Posted very raw, for a very special reader (I'm looking at you, Ana) :)

Also, here's the music I picked for Gabe to play. Let me know if you like it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf7Px23aLVI

Reviews

[Arianna]

YEAY I FEEL SPECIAL!
and OH MY GOD I LOVE IT!
the awkwerdness, its....AMAZING
you outdo yourself with every chapter. its amazing.
I LOVE IT!
cant wait for more!