March 31, 1941 (Later)

The boys make it back from London

Later

            I’m in the library with the guys and no one is talking. As it turned out, the bombs were falling on the far opposite end of the city. It sure as hell didn’t seem like that, but that’s what the papers were saying. I don’t think any of us handled it like I expected. And I really doubt we’ll be back in London any time soon.

            I was just headed back to the table when the sirens went off. I tried to get to the other guys, but something happened to Erich. I didn’t see the whole thing, but I knew he was running like I had never seen anyone run before. And the only thing that was stranger than that was the way Gabe followed him. No lie, he followed a tanked up German into the streets during an air raid. And he never looked back.

Fittingly, I ended up in a ditch. I tried to follow Gabe and Erich but got shoved into a gully with a hundred other terrified people. If any of the guys asked (and I know they won’t, since I don’t think any of them want people prying into what they did during the raid) I would have to come up with something better than the truth: that I huddled next to the drain pipe and muttered every prayer I had ever learned in Hebrew.

Something happened to Jim, only he hasn’t been coherent enough yet for us to figure out what it was. Erich and Gabe found me back at the bar an hour after everything calmed down, but we searched for Jim for ages. We finally found him in a closet in the basement, buttoning his pants and rambling. No one had the strength to answer questions then, and after that we all fell asleep at the bus stop. But I get the feeling he didn’t spend the night alone

S**t, Knight’s headed right for us. God, he looks pissed. Got to go.

 

Jim �"

            I didn’t care that someone was shaking me or whispering viciously, or that I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. I just wanted to sleep

“Goddamn it! Listen osioł, if you get out of here now you won’t have to pay me!” That time the angry hiss was accompanied by a smack to my face with what felt like a pillow. When I waited more than a second to respond, the voice cursed in whatever language it was and yanked my blanket off.

That made me mad. I sat up angrily. “S**t, Abrahamson!” I could only assume it was Hersch, even though I wasn’t exactly sure why I was supposed to pay him. “Would it be too much to ask for one more goddamn min…?” I stopped short when I realized I was looking at the girl who had wrapped her lips around my dick.

I looked down and tried not to seem as embarrassed as I was. Had I actually passed out? “Oh, sorry, um… Becky. I thought…”

“What did you just call me?” It took me another second to realize how alarmed she looked.

“What? Nothing, I just thought you were… never mind. Hey did I…?”

“Fall asleep in the middle of it? Yes.” She turned away from me peeked out the door.

“Oh,” I muttered, trying not to blush like an idiot. “Sorr…”

“Happens all the time,” she said hurriedly. I somehow doubted that was true. She was down on all fours, looking for something on the floor. I tilted my head to get a better look at her a*s.

“Well, sorry. How long was I aslee…”

“Too long,” she snapped. I was starting to get the feeling she had done this before.

“Do you know what time it…?” This time I got hit in the head with my own shoe, which she had found under the vanity.

“Too late. Put your pants on. You have to get out of here.” She stood up and pulled her robe shut.

When it dawned on me that I was still naked from the waist down (and still pretty goddamn stiff) I scrambled to do as she said. I was now aware of the fact that I felt like hell. My head was pounding from the hangover and the fact that I had smashed it into the headboard. There were scratches from her nails down my chest and the flesh on the inside of my cheeks felt like it had been shredded by the claws of a large cat. “Wait, why?” I managed to say in my rush, tucking in my shirt. I was kind of hoping she would give me another chance.

“Because if Paul catches me in here without a customer I’ll get fired, and I’m not going out on the streets because of someone who couldn’t even stay awake for the whole thing!”

“Hey!” I was surprised by how much that stung. “Becky, wait,” I stood up, “why don’t we just try it again? I promise I’ll…”

“No,” she said bluntly. “Now it is time for you to leave.” She pushed me towards the door.

“Hey, hey!” I pushed back, not moving an inch. “Just wait a minute.” I didn’t want to leave her. Maybe it was because she was the first girl to ever suck my dick, but I didn’t want this to be the last time I saw her. “Can I…” I didn’t really know what to say, so I brushed a lock of hair out of her face in what I hoped seemed like a romantic gesture, “… see you again.”

She smiled a tiny smile and for one second, it looked like she didn’t want me to leave either. “Oh James,” she sighed. “You want to know when you can see me again?” I smiled like an idiot and nodded. She leaned in close. “You can see me again. You can see me again when you have the money to make you worth the time, that is when you can see me again!”

She slapped my hand away from her face and turned away. I felt my face fall, but I couldn’t let her see it. I couldn’t let her know the disappointment that was sinking into my stomach.

“Forget it,” I said harshly, turning towards the door. I grabbed my bag, which I had dropped in the doorway. “There are plenty of cheaper w****s than you.”

She moved so fast that I didn’t know what had happened until she was on top of me on the ground, her hand clasped around my throat. “Say that to my face, b*****d,” she hissed. I couldn’t say anything, even if I wanted to. She had me in her grip so tight I couldn’t breathe.

When all I did was sputter pathetically, she got off of me and watched as I scrambled to my feet. “Get the hell out of my room,” she said darkly. This time I couldn’t move fast enough. “And button your goddamn pants!” she added as the door swung shut behind me.

I was too stunned to think, but my feet just kept going. I kept walking and walking until I ran into a wall.

“Jim!” I looked up to see that I had actually run into Erich, who was coming around the corner with the other guys. “Where’ve you been arschloch?”

“Yeah, we figured you were still wandering the streets,” Gabe said.

“Or blown to pieces,” Hersch added with a laugh.

I swallowed hard. What had just happened was so unexplainable. As much as wanted to rub my new experience in their faces, I knew I couldn’t.

“Yeah,” I grumbled. My own voice sounded like a pathetic squeak in my head. “I’m fine.”

“Great,” Erich muttered, clapping me on the back with force that knocked me forward. “Let’s get the hell out of here then.”

I followed them up the stairs. Halfway up, Hersch leaned over to me and whispered, “hey kolega, button your pants.”

…

Erich �"

            After what happened during the raid, I felt even more uncomfortable around Gabe than usual. We had walked back to the bar without saying anything. I could tell he wanted to talk, and it took all my energy to look scary enough to keep him quiet. By midnight we had caught up with Hersch, but by the time we found Jim it was almost two. In the back of my mind, though I would never have admitted it, I was glad they were all right.

When the whole thing was over, I would eventually realize that I was lucky it had been Gabe that found me. If it would have been Hersch or Jim they would have never let me live it down. But for the first time, it was dawning on me that Gabe wasn’t like them.  I should have appreciated that, since it was the reason he hadn’t been a total a*s about the whole thing. But right then, it made me want to smack him until he acted normal.

Gabe, however, seemed incredibly comfortable. He followed me around like a dog that didn’t care if I kicked him as long as he got some attention. I don’t know what he was expecting out of me. And apology? A thank you? He wasn’t that stupid. He probably thought that the incident had somehow made me like him more, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.

            But I couldn’t complain, because for whatever reason, he had agreed not to tell anyone. And I couldn’t risk him changing his mind about that.

At least I hadn’t been stupid enough to tell him everything. He still didn’t know about Brigitte or my family. He still didn’t know what I had done. And I had already pushed it all back, where it couldn’t get to me. I couldn’t let what happened that night happen again.

I thought about all this while we searched for the bus station. No one said anything, for once. None of us really wanted to talk about what had happened. We didn’t even know if the buses were still running, so we ended up passing out on the bench, leaving Hersch (who was too tense to sleep) to stand watch. By some miracle, it showed up, right on time, and we groggily got on.

I wasn’t tired anymore, but I didn’t want to talk to Hersch, who was still the only one awake and had started scribbling furiously in a book. So I pretended to sleep until his pencil scratching stopped.

I felt like dying. My head was pounding and there was still a disgusting, sour taste in my mouth. I reached for a cigarette to fix that and realized that my pack had fallen out of my sleeve. So I reached into Jims bag, found one, hidden under some dame’s red scarf (God knows where he found that), and lit it.

I didn’t want to think about Gabe anymore, but my mind wouldn’t focus on anything else. Of course, I was sitting by him, since I couldn’t shake him off if my life depended on it. Plus Jim and Hersch looked like they were becoming actual friends, which didn’t help me at all. I wondered why he had agreed to keep my secret, why he had followed me in the first place. I wondered why the hell the one guy who didn’t act like a guy was also the only one who ever stood up to me.

I would have to try and stay away from him. If I kept him at a distance, I knew I could keep him from finding out anything more about me, and I could keep myself from hurting him (which I was starting to feel compelled to do more and more often). I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

Then I felt his head fall on my shoulder.

I didn’t know what to do. I blew smoke in his face, but he just coughed and resettled. It would be awkward to wake him up, but I had to do something. If any of the other guys woke up I would look like the fairy for letting him be there. But I didn’t know how to get him off. I wanted him to wake up, look embarrassedly down, and move as far away from me as possible, like a normal guy would have. But he didn’t, and I was trapped with his breath on my neck. I felt like wrapping my hands around his throat and tossing him out the window just to get him away from me.

But what I really did was even worse, at least to me. It was something I thought I could never do. I let him be.

…

Gabe �"

            I began to wonder if we had ever really gone to London. You wouldn’t have known it from watching us. No one talked about it. Not once.

            The whole night had been so unreal, like a really bizarre dream. I still didn’t know why I followed Erich, why he didn’t hit me or why he told me anything. Actually, based on how drunk and how disoriented he had been, I was surprised he remembered anything. But he definitely did, since he somehow, though none of us were actually talking, managed to act even more withdrawn than usual.

            Regardless, the hours after the raid were even blurrier. Erich and I walked in complete silence back to the bar, where we must have found Hersch and Jim. I just wanted to get back to school, so when the bus arrived it seemed like the greatest miracle God could have conjured up (which, in retrospect, it probably was). I remember checking that I still had my rosary before falling asleep.

            Erich must not have noticed that I fell asleep on his shoulder. Since being beaten to a pulp was not the way I wanted to die, you can be sure that I didn’t mean to ever touch him again. But he was sleeping when I woke up, so I had time to move as far away as possible before he caught on. He must not have known.

            By the time we got back to school, it was after nine. Going late to first period wasn’t an option, so we headed back to the dorm, which, for once, was the most welcoming sight in the world. Not surprisingly, we all fell asleep again.

            I woke up to the sound of Jim getting out of bed. It was clear he was not happy.

            “S**t, guys,” he grumbled angrily. “Let’s get out of here. It’s six thirty, goddamn it. I’m f*****g starving.”

            Normally, none of us would have listened to Jim. But it took about two seconds for the rest of us to realize we were about to die of starvation. So we crawled out of bed and trudged silently towards the dining hall

            The hall wasn’t exactly a sanctuary either. It was loud and crowded and not helpful to our jumpy nerves or hangovers, both of which were still lingering long after London. We inhaled our food and got out of there as fast as we could.

            Erich walked hunched over with his eyes squeezed shut and the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers. Jim scowled at a group of younger boys as they went running past us. “For the love of God,” he grumbled. “Let’s go somewhere empty.”

            My mind went immediately to the music building. I had missed third period and my fingers were itching for my violin.

            Herch looked at him unsympathetically. “Calm down, Banhart,” he said, heading for the stairs. “Come on, it’s quiet in the library.”

            We got the library without incident and staked out a quiet, dark corner table. I chewed on a hangnail, Erich continued to try to pinch his headache away, Jim leaned back in his chair and put his feet up, and Hersch took out his weird book and started to write

Erich looked up after a minute and turned to Hersch with annoyance. “Why the hell do you have to take that damn thing everywhere? Huh?” It was the first words he had said in hours. “What the hell is it, anyway?”

Hersch shut the book, “Just a notebook.” He stared Erich down, daring him to challenge him.

            They glared at each other for another long minute. I wasn’t actually worried. Jim and I were too worn out to stop them, but they were too worn out to really do anything to each other. It was Erich who broke the stare first, surprisingly, and when the moment was finally over Hersch gave him a sneer and went back to writing.

            We sat there in silence that managed to be even quieter than before.  That is, until Hersch hissed: “S**t! Here comes Knight!” and Jim toppled backwards out of his chair.

            All four of us straightened up and kept our eyes down as Knight approached our table. “Good evening boys,” he greeted us coldly. Jim scrambled to his feet, but Knight took the empty chair before he could get there.

            “Good evening, professor Knight.” Jim scowled.

            “What can we do for you?”

Knight settled into his chair. “I understand the four of you were caught in the heat of things in London,” he said unsympathetically.

“Were we? We barely noticed!” Erich’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and I had to stifle a chuckle.

Knight gave him a sour look. “The papers are reporting the whole east side is blown to bits. You must have been on the west. Visiting family, I presume?

We shot looks of panic at each other across the table. The trip to London was supposedly a part of Family Visitation Day. But the old wanker must have known what we were really up to

“Yes, sir,” All four of us whipped around to stare at Hersch. “I took the boys here to meet my sister in the city. She didn’t have the means to make it here herself.”

None of us took our eyes off of Hersch, who had thought of that lie without blinking. It was completely irrational that all four of us would have gone to meet Hersch’s sister, and I didn’t expect Knight to buy it for a second. But Knight just stared at him for a second, then cleared his throat and said, “I see.”

There was another moment of silence. “Is there something that you wanted, Professor?” Erich asked, obviously agitated.

Knight shot a glare in his direction. “As a matter of fact, Mr. Amery, there is. It has come to my attention that the four of you have been falling behind in your schoolwork. Is it true that not one of you attended a single class today?”

“Well sir, you can hardly expect us to be mentally stable, after what we saw in London,” Jim said sarcastically.

“I thought,” Knight growled, “that you barely noticed.” Jim rolled his eyes and backed off. “In any case, your detention time must be served.”

“Detention!” Hersch cried. I could practically hear our spirits sinking to the floor.

“Was I unclear, Mr. Abrahamson?” Knight’s tone was steely. “Now with the recent air raids this school is in need of Fire Wardens.” Jim began to dumbly raise his hand, as if to ask for permission to speak. “Fire Wardens, Mr. Banhart,” Knight cut him off, “must keep watch from the rooftop for any incendiary bombs that might fall and stifle any blaze they can.” He must have noticed the look of excitement on Jim’s face. “It is no enjoyable task, I’m afraid. Terribly boring a cold, actually. And to service the school you boys will be doing just that. Every Tuesday and Thursday for the remainder of the term.”

“But sir!” The thought of sitting up on the roof all night made me want to die.

“This is not negotiable, Mr. Moretti,” Knight said coldly. “Report to the commons tomorrow, nine o’ clock.” He was up and a good two paces away before any of us could protest.

“Oh,” he said, turning, “by the way, the need is limited. Only two of you get the job.” He smiled as he walked away.

The four of us just looked at each other for a second. We all knew what he meant: only two of us would have to endure detention.

“Well,” I mumbled, “what do we do now?”

There was a moment of silence. “Well…” said Jim. He scanned the table one more time, then he was up and running out of the library.

It took the rest of us a second to realize what he was doing. Then Hersch dashed after him, and I understood. It was a race now. The Wardens would be whoever didn’t make it to the dorm. Erich and I looked at each other confusedly for a second, then we followed.

We caught up with them on the first flight of stairs. I was the fastest, but Jim had a head start, Erich was throwing elbows, and Hersch had the inside track. Still, I would have won. We skidded around the corner, swearing and pushing each other, and I pulled out in front.

But Erich was the slowest, by far. It was obvious he would lose and he wasn’t going down alone. I don’t know exactly why he did it. Maybe he didn’t want to take last place. Maybe his anger with me from the night before boiled over. Maybe he didn’t mean to. But just as I stole the lead from Jim, Erich’s foot crossed mine. I stumbled, falling back in next to him. Then he drove his elbow into my ribs and shoved me into the wall. I fell like the pathetic ragdoll I was, grabbing at his ankles as I went down. I hit the concrete floor with a thud and any breath I had left was forced from my lungs.

As I gasped for air on the ground I saw Hersch and Jim rush into the dorm, while Erich overshot and skidded past the door as it slammed behind him. I rolled onto my back and clutched my stomach, listening as Erich pounded on the door.

“Open up, arschlochs! We’re not doing it this way!”

“Oh, I think we are!” Jim’s muffled voice sounded smug, obviously unafraid by Erich when an impassable door stood between them. I half-crawled over to him, landing on my knees next to the door. “You lost fair and square, Amery. Now say you’ll take the detention or you’ll be sleeping on the lawn!”

“Piss off!”

“Say it!”

He looked down at me. I couldn’t breathe well enough to speak, but I hoped my eyes said. ‘Do whatever the hell you want, a*****e. Just don’t throw me off the roof.’

Erich gave an exasperated growl and looked back at the door. “Fine, we’ll be the Fire Wardens.”

There was a pause, then Jim opened the door. “Good answer,” he said, laughing as he flopped down on his bed.

I kneeled there for a minute with my forehead against the wall, breathing heavily and hugging my chest. I should have won that race. At that moment, I had never been angrier at Erich.

I looked up at him, ready to tell him what a cheating s**t he was. But he was looking down on me with disgust. His icy blue eyes made me feel like an insect he was ready to squash. His voice was cold and utterly unconcerned.

“Don’t be a fairy.”

Author's Note

Fun Fact: This is the first chapter I've finished, or even worked on, on the actual day (minus the year, obviously) of the journal entry.

Reviews

[trish420]

SO good Emily.... I, obviously, have no idea much time you actually put into these chapters but you make it seem so effortless. Everything flows and makes sense and seems natural :-) You are so talented! I just (selfishly, of course lol) wish you'd write more often so I don't have to re-read the whole book to know what's going on LOL But seriously, great continuation, good insight into the characters and I LOVE what's going on in Erich's head right now, you've perfectly captured his tumoil and confusion and it seems like the beginning of a change...... can't wait for more!!

[Arianna]

that chapter was awwwesome :)
haha, but really...detention on the roof..
i dislike knight more and more with each encounter.
nice job:)

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