Twenty Four

Twenty-Four

“What!” I cried, unable to keep my voice down. Eli shushed me, but it was too late.

There was a knock at the door. “Miss McCalvin? Is everything all right?” A voice came from the hall.

“Hide!” I hissed at Eli. “Yes, everything is fine,” I called out the door. Eli moved to the window and I grabbed him by the collar, pulling him back forcefully. “Don’t go out there!” I said through my teeth. “You’ll drop right outside the dining room and my parents will see you.”

“Well, what do I do?” he asked, panicked.

“Just… just wait a few minutes,” I said, trying to come up with a plan. “I’ll distract them. You get out through the house.”

“Through the house!” he asked loudly, incredulously.

“Shhh!” The girl knocked again. “Just hide!”

Eli leapt behind the bed just as my door opened. A slave girl peeked in. “Your family is waiting on you,” she said shyly.

“Oh, of course,” I said, trying not to sound as anxious as I felt. I glanced back at Eli, who was peeking over the bed at me as I followed the girl downstairs.

I sat at the table, welcomed by cold greetings from my parents (Ethan was dining with the family of his unfortunate object of affection). I sipped my soup in quiet anxiety, wondering what Hannah could possible know.

We made it through the main course before anyone noticed my distraction.

“Is there something on your mind, Adeline?” Mama asked.

I felt the blood drain from my face. I tried to remain calm while I thought of a good lie. “No, um, it’s… it’s nothing,” I said, hoping it sounded convincing.

“Ah,” said my mother, sounding skeptical. “Well you certainly seem distracted.”

“Yes, well actually…” I drew a blank, “never mind, Mama. It’s nothing.”

She looked at me like she expected something more. She looked to Daddy for help getting an answer out of me. “Well what is it?” he asked, speaking for her.

“Oh… it-it wasn’t important… it was…” I poked nervously at the meat on my plate

“Well it certainly seems important,” Mama said, proving to be more observant than I realized.

I had not thought this through. “I... I just…” I stuttered and tried to think. I shook my head, as if that would give me some idea of what to say. “I-I-I have to… to…”

“Adeline,” my mother interrupted, cold and serious, “if this regards what I think it regards, I would have thought that six months would be enough…” Daddy’s fists clenched on his silverware and I immediately knew what she meant. This lie had to be good, if it was going to get me out of this. Mama never, ever brought this up.

“Oh Lord, no, Mama!” I exclaimed, feigning insult and disgust. “How could you even presume…?”

“Then what is it?” Mama insisted, putting emphasis on every word. For whatever reason, Daddy was standing now, still clutching the fork and knife in his hands. This was probably a result of the sudden need to demonstrate power.

My eyes flicked desperately out the window and then down the hall, praying Eli would get out soon.

“I… I’m…” I said the words before I could even think of the consequences. I was so desperate. “I-I-I’m… I’m expecting!”

Mama’s eyes widened and I heard a clinking as my father dropped his fork. She brought a hand to her mouth, covering a smile I had not seen in a long time.

“You’re expecting?” she asked excitedly.

I nodded my head and tried to look like I was overjoyed to be having Roy’s fictional child. “I am, Mama. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell anyone until Roy got home and…”

Mama came and embraced me like she hadn’t in a long time. “Oh, baby,” she cried, “I’m so happy for you.” I almost felt guilty for lying. She hadn’t been this kind to me in a long, long time. “I’m just so glad that all the… the foolishness is over and you can finally move on with Roy.”

My face automatically fell into a glower and I force myself to not appear as utterly insulted as I was. “Yes, Mama,” I said, unclenching my teeth. “I’m so happy too.”

Then someone fell from the wall outside and hit the ground with a thud. I embraced my mother to keep her from looking out the window. I looked past Daddy, who was still frozen in place behind the table, in time to see Eli stand up and run from the house. He must have been either too stupid or too frightened to go through the house. That was a bold move. It wasn’t even dark out yet.

When he saw me looking, he turned and gestured, miming what appeared to be an indication to get out as fast as I could. I didn’t want to waste a second.

“I’m… I’m very tired, Mama,” I said with a smile. “I should be getting on to bed.”

“Of course, of course,” Mama said.

 “Um, Mama,” I began again. “Will you promise me you won’t tell anyone until Roy gets home?” That would buy me some time until I figured out how to escape the lie.

“Anything you want, baby,” Mama assured me.

I nodded, eager to get out now. “Thank you, Mama,” I said quickly before nearly running out the door.

As soon as they were out of sight, I broke into a run. I dashed all the way up the stairs into my room.

I couldn’t wait for dark. As soon as I heard my family leave the dining room, I climbed out the window and down the wall. I hit the ground running and reached Eli’s cabin faster than ever.

When I burst through the door, Hannah and Eli were talking seriously at the table. Hannah’s eyes narrowed when she saw me.

“That’s where you were!” she yelled at him. “You almost got yourself killed telling her?”

“I had to, Hannah,” he said defensively. “She needs to know.”

“What happened?” I asked, still winded from running.

Hannah looked at me, still glaring as she spoke. “His regiment was in when I got there. I met his sergeant, and he told me Isaiah was missing. No one’s seen him since yesterday and there was a surprise run-in with some Confederates this morning. They…” she stopped for a minute to get a hold of herself and Eli took her hand. I could see Hannah was much more upset than she wanted to let on. “They think he might have been taken.”

I gaped at her. “Taken?”

Hannah nodded, “by the other regiment. From what I could tell, they like to take the… the…” there was a long pause before she could say it, “the blacks.”

It took a long minute for the terror to sink in. I had known this would happen. I hadn’t wanted him to go for exactly this reason. Now Isaiah was in the hands of some Southern regiment, wounded and alone.

 “W-will they look for him,” I asked quietly.

Hannah shook her head. “No. Not if the Confederates have him. He was just a foot soldier, not worth much. If they thought he had deserted, they would have scouts after him, but even they would just find him, hurt him, and take him back.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. “What should we do?”

Hannah looked down and Eli took over for her. “No one knows where he is, Adeline. Unless he shows up here, there is nothing we can do.”

I looked at him, almost unable to comprehend what he was telling me. “Nothing?”

Eli shook his head. “I’m sorry Adeline.”

I could not believe that. I could not sit there and listen to those horrible things. Unable to think of anything to say, I turned and ran from the cabin. I did not turn back when Eli called after me in protest. I did not let myself hear anything but the icy crunch of the frost-covered ground under my feet. With some difficulty, I managed to climb back up into the attic.

Once there, I didn’t know what to do. I had never felt so helpless, so completely devoid of hope. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop what was happening. Isaiah was going to die and this time I couldn’t even fight for him. 

I sat alone in the attic until it turned dark. I had left the window open and had no will to close it. I watched the sky go from orange to pink to black as the room became colder and colder. I rested my chin on the sill and clasped my hands in front of me, begging God not to let him die, to take me away from the world too.

That was when I realized how much I wanted it to be over. I was so tired of all the hurt I had to feel. I wanted to take the easy way, for once in my life.

Then I knew exactly what I was going to do. I was going to get out of this. I was going to end my life before I had to see the end of Isaiah’s.

Though I tried not to be especially afraid of the deed itself, I was afraid I would back out if I thought about it, so I didn’t think it through. I didn’t think about leaving Jordan or Hannah or Eli behind. I just wanted this all to be over.

I knew this meant giving up on Isaiah. I never thought I could do that, but I knew him well enough to know the truth. No matter what happened, whoever lived and whoever died, it would never work between us. And at that moment of weakness, I couldn’t face that fact.

So I turned from the attic, slipping out the window into the cold, dark night.

On the flat top of the roof, I could see for miles. I saw the expanse of the cotton fields, stretching on to the horizon. I saw the barn behind me and thought of that night, so much like this one, that now seemed so very long ago.

I saw the slaves’ cabins, mostly gone dark, save for Eli’s. For a moment, I let myself remember running through the rain to the place where the far cabin sat. I remembered the close, warm space I shared so briefly with Isaiah.

The wind picked up, nearly throwing me off balance. It blew petals, loose and out of season, from our tree. I watched as they flew off into the air and out of sight.

And I thought of him. For the first time since he left, I saw Isaiah in my mind with perfect clarity. I remembered his face, but not as I had last seen it, beaten and angry, conflicted and defeated. I remembered Isaiah at the moments I loved him the most: the serenity of his features when I first woke up next to him, the hope in his eyes when he asked me to run away, the look of concentration and astonishment and ecstasy on his face that night in the cabin, when we were together for the first time. I remembered seeing his face when I returned from England, the youthful, naive light in his eyes, when he was eighteen and a virgin and unburdened by the weight of the world. When he had kissed me on the cheek like it was the most daring thing in the world.

I wished more than anything that our life could have been shared. I wanted to destroy the barriers life had placed in front of us.

But I had given up on that dream long ago, and now, my only real wish was that Isaiah would live, that he could go on. I wanted to be sure that when, if, he learned what had happened, he could go on with his life, happily, without me.

What I didn’t want was to live. Not without him.

I stepped to the edge, looking at the ground, some forty or fifty feet below me.  I prayed it would work, that the fall would be high enough to kill me, rather than wait in silence until morning, only to be found by a horrified passer-by.

I balanced dangerously on the edge, preparing to jump. I wished I had some kind of epic last words, but in my own true fashion, nothing came to mind.

I took a deep breath.

“Addy, don’t!”

The words were full of terror, loud, brash, and panicked, coming from the opposite end of the roof. I spun around, nearly toppling involuntarily over the edge. There he was.

When I saw him, I knew I couldn’t do it. Isaiah was shirtless and shivering. His eyes were pleading and fearful. He had one arm extended out, reaching for me but afraid to come any closer.

I couldn’t jump. I didn’t want to jump. The look in his eyes defied all my motives. He had not died. He would not leave me. But most importantly, I could not leave him. It amazed me, looking into his eyes, that I had even considered it.

Without another thought, I ran to him. Those strong arms caught me, spun me around, held me close. Rough hands ran urgently over my back, making sure I was unharmed. We rambled back and forth, unable to find the right words to convey our relief.

“Isaiah!”

“Addy!”

“Oh, God.”

“You’re all right.”

“You’re alive.”

“You scared me.”

“You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

I said the last words. As soon as they were out of my mouth, Isaiah kissed me fiercely. When he pulled away, he looked at me seriously. “Don’t ever do that again,” Isaiah said, breathing heavily.

“I won’t,” I said, holding him close with my hands on the back of his neck and my chin on his shoulder. “I won’t, I promise. Isaiah, I love you.”

I repeated it over and over again, finding it was all I could say, kissing him all over his face and repeating the wonderful words. He smiled a breathtaking smile and kissed me again, quick and hard. Then Isaiah took my hand and we climbed together down the wall and through the attic window.

He made it to the room first, landing on the floor in front of me. I swung in, sitting on them sill as I kissed him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me to the cot.

I came down on top of him with a leg on each side of his body. Isaiah’s familiar, rough hands ventured to the back of my thighs, traveling under my skirt and beyond. There were fingers between my legs, searching through the layers of useless undergarments. Without warning, he flipped me over, holding himself above me, between my raised knees. He was so much stronger than I would have thought.

Our clothes were gone before I could think to take them off. Then he was inside me. There was no fear, no hesitation, as there once had been, just the two of us together in a feeling I thought I would never know again. In the back of my mind, I realized his chest was bandaged. The fabric rubbed against my skin until it felt almost raw, a delicious newness.

It felt as though some great pressure was building in me. It seeped out from inside me, keeping me from breathing, threatening to burst. With a gasp, I leaned forward, half sitting, trying to hold the pressure in, almost afraid of what would happen if I let go.

I ran my hands along the slick skin of Isaiah’s back, holding on to him like he was the only thing I had in the world. His muscles shuddered with exertion under my fingers and I wondered how long I could hold out.

Then, before I could stop it, the pressure overtook me. I thought I might scream, but if I did I couldn’t hear it. I felt Isaiah lose control too. His mouth sucked in hard at my neck as he gave up all restraint. I felt my body spasm out of control until I thought I would burst out of my own skin. It was a feeling stronger than anything I had ever felt and I never wanted it to end.

Eventually, my muscles relaxed and I fell back on the pillow, suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted. I held his bottom lip between my teeth for moment as Isaiah pulled away.

Isaiah just looked at me for a minute. I tried to read his expression in the dim light. His mouth hung open like he was unsure of what had really just happened, but there was a smile in his eyes. His arms trembled a little as he held himself above me. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down to me, resting his head on my chest.

I held him like that for a long time. Isaiah breathed heavily, unevenly, a thin line of sweat lingering above his brow. The winter wind blew in from the open window and he shivered. I wondered what he had been through and how he could have possibly had the strength to do what we had done.

After a long, long time, something dawned on me. “You were really here last night, weren’t you?” I asked quietly.

Isaiah did not answer right away, and I wondered if he was asleep. “I was,” he said finally, not looking at me. “My regiment was camped out in the woods a mile away. I didn’t think we would come so close, and I couldn’t… I had to see you. I didn’t mean to wake you, but I thought you wouldn’t remember.”

I didn’t want to cry, but it could not be helped. “I thought it was a dream. I never thought you would really come back.” I looked up at him, realizing how impossible it was that he was really there. “I’m going to lose you again,” I sniffed. “They’ll take you away again. You always have to run away.”

His face hardened and Isaiah shook his head. “That’s not true, Addy. Look at me,” I didn’t. “Come on, look at me,” he raised himself up to look me in the eye. “I’m here now, all right? You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m here.” He said it soothingly, stroking my hair.

I knew it was true.

Isaiah looked at me, eyes passionate. “Addy?”

“What?” I sniffed.

“I’m never leaving you again,” he said softly. “I know it. This time it’s real. I promise I’m done being a boy who doesn’t know how to love you. I don’t want to have you for a few hours and then run away again.”

I bit my lip, “We’re not going to ruin this again, are we?” I asked, my voice cracking, almost not believing it.

He turned to look at me his face shining with sincerity. “Addy,” he said gently, “I can’t walk away from you again. I love you.”

I knew it was true. This was the real thing.

We were going to make it.

Reviews

[hannah]

this story is amazing. but its kinda unrealistic that he was like at deaths door and then miraculously woke up and was well enough to save her AND have a little romp? but no complaining here.... :)

[Taylor H]

there should be a space to signify time between...

"from orange to pink to black and wondered what I was going to do."

and

"I don't know exactly when I fell asleep, but I awoke some time later with my face"




"After I moment, I realized what I was doing and pulled away, worried about pushing him too far, but I didn't let go".....after a moment


"He was still alive, at least, but Isaiah was sleeping more fitfully than before. That either meant he was in more pain than before or he was getting closer to waking up."�..one of my pet peeves is using the same word very close together. In this case the word is before.


other then those things this was a great chapter, your story is very well written and is coming together so well.