burning brightly.

I could carry your world... but I'll drop it, maybe.

The sun is shining; too bright for my eyes, too bright for a darkness-dweller). I see smoke, I smell it too. It's burning my nose, it's burning my lungs. I open my eyes...
The ceiling greets me, with its emptiness, with its coldness. I feel tired. I feel weak. The wind is blowing through my open window, and now it's cold.
I slowly gain full control of my body (not really, it's still bound by things that are out of my reach). I look out the window.
The city sleeps in flames; flames burning bright, flames engulfing glass and stone. Yeah, it's sleeping. It's 4 AM. Barely anyone lives at that hour, and if they do, they must feel lonely or they have too much work to do, or they don't sleep at all. They're not weak, just strong-willed.
As I watch the falling debris, I wonder if my life is falling apart just like that. I am alone, very much alone since you left. I try feeling something for anyone else but you, but it seems like I can't. You took everything away, and that's okay. I'm being usefu, after all.
I get out of the bed, and the world crumbles, literally. The flames are too close now, and they're warming my skin too much. I'm not comfortable. I try to move but I can't... No, I actually can. It's just that I don't want to.

You once said that I burned bright in your life, that I burned the brightest. And here I am. This is what I am, this is where I end. I'm burning bright, as bright as I have ever burned.
Goodbye, for now.
I know we'll meet again.
I still have to give you your world, anyway...
I couldn't carry it.

Author's Note

English is not my native language, please, excuse any errors. Commentaries on the grammar will be greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Dan Hiland]

Your English and grammar are just fine. In fact, you use English better than some "natives" I know here in the States. As for your short piece, I had to force myself to stop thinking about Zelda (from Nintendo). Between your avatar and my memories of how one of the games starts - Zelda inside of a house, while nasty things are going on outside- I was having trouble focusing. But that's my problem, not yours. I liked the phrase "I could carry your world- but I'd drop it". Never heard it put that way before. Starting and ending the piece with the same type of phrase is a nice touch, as well.
I look forward to reading more of your work. By the way, welcome to the site!

[hookshot]

Thank you so much! I didn't really write the story with Zelda on mind but now that you put it that way... it gets me thinking! Thanks for the feedback, I hope I get to hear from you in the future again.

[Dan Hiland]

Glad to help!

[love, lorey]

I know we'll meet again.
I still have to give you your world, anyway...
I couldn't carry it.

Gorgeous. Very well done!!
As Dan said, you seem to have a better grasp on the English language than most born into it (myself included ha). The flow was beautiful and story line is intense and smooth, a perfect mix.

Thanks for sharing!

[hookshot]

Ah, thank you so much for your feedback!

[love, lorey]

Not a problem.