What I Lost On 9-11

This is a short, quick story about a girl going through the possible phases of losing a loved one on 9-11. I hope you enjoy.

 The alarm goes off, I get up, and my mom is outside under the old oak tree. This is how my day starts. Hi, my name is Bridget Scott and I knew that my life was never going to be the same after that day we call 9-11. I was 8 when it happened, and now 14. It was the cries of my mother that scared me most. I ran downstairs and there she was, on her knees. The phone was on the ground and the TV was on. Something was terribly wrong. I ran to her side and said, "Mommy, Mommy! What's wrong?" She just grabbed me and held me there for what seemed like forever, but was really only 10 minutes. She brought me upstairs, sat me on my bed, took my hands, and said, "He's not coming home." I said, "Who Mommy?" Her eyes started to water and a single tear ran down her face. "Your brother, Tom." I started crying and couldn't stop. I ran to his room and pretended like we were playing hide and seek like we use to, except this time, I would never find him. My mother sat in the doorway until I just stopped and ran into her arms crying.

 This was the second time I lost a close relative. I lost my Dad the year before. He was walking down the street to visit his friend. Along the way was when it happened. He stopped by a light post, looked around, and dropped. He went into acoma, and when he came out, he died instantly. So when my brother died, it brought back that same horried memory. As I was in my mom's arms that day I was thinking when the question popped into my mind, how did he die? My mother could tell by the gleam in my eyes that I wanted to know. She quietly reported, "A plane crashed into the building he was in and..." there was a long pause, "...he didn't make it out in time." Tears were running down my face. I cried so hard that I fell asleep. The next morning, I looked out the window, and there she was under the old oak tree where Tom would go to think about things. I decided not to interrupt her and instead went to Tommy's room, sat on his bed, and stared at a picture of me and him on his TV. That day I decided to to this everyday for the rest of my life. I guess my mother made up that same ritual to go under the old oak tree too.

 A few years later on the night before 9-11-03, I had a nightmare. It was a vision of my brother jumping out of a building. I woke-up in a cold sweat. It was 5:30 AM on a Saturday morning. I decided to go downstairs and watch TV. I wondered my thoughts, cleared my mind, and fell asleep. Another nightmare. It was my dad walking down the street. It was like I was him though. I stopped, looked around, and dropped. I woke-up and my mother was beside me. She asked frightened, "Bridget, are you okay? You were breathing heavy and sweating." I just stared at her and said, "I'm okay. Just a nightmare." I stayed awake that morning and went into Tom's room and looked at the picture. This time though I went to grab the picture so I could hold it. When I sat on the bed I felt a piece of paper sticking out from the closure. I opened it up and found a note. I unfolded it.

 

If you are who I think you are, then I guess I knew you pretty well because you found this note. Bridget, if something happens to me, I want you to take care of Mom and hold her near to you. Don't show her this note though. It's our little secret. And remember...

enjoy life while you have it. I love you little sis.

Love,

Tommy

  I felt a tear run down my cheek that day. And now whenever I read it, I remember that I am never alone.

Author's Note

Please give me some advice to improve on my writing. This was just a quick, short story for a class paper.

Reviews

[Nicole]

Wow, this is just simply amazing. I wish I could write something like that. This is a really good story. Very sad too. And I didn't see any mistakes. You are a very talented writer, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Great story.
-- Nicole

[A sea person]

Wonderfully well written! Perhaps work on the style and flow a little bit... But very good!

Unfortunately, this cannot be considered for my contest. However, you did a fantastic job!

v.r.
Ryan

[Medicine Man]

It's really sad. Editing and spelling could use work, though.

[Frank F. Atanacio]

Just review it and brush up on editing, otherwise it can tell a story-- I mean you can tell a story-- Nice start and considering it a draft..right?

[Shellie]

You just need to review it for spelling errors and the like. The only suggestion i hav is the end bit about the note. It isnt clear if its like a message fom Heaven or if her brother wrote it back a long time ago, but seeing as it was on the bed and not in a drawer i presume you meant it as a note from heaven.

[.:<Bridget>:.]

You don't need to improve anything it's perfect the way it is. I think at least.