im sick

during my dark era, still sick of drugs, trying to fight my way out..but a black hand is holding me by the neck..:(

Im sick..i feel there is a trick with my chick..Sitting with my friends feeling all strip..who triggered the click??why I keep seeing the same clip, was it at the beginning of the trip??was it when My family flip..was it me when I decided to feel the kick..Smoking earth s**t..Swallowing sick people medicine ,burning and sniffing dirt..was it them or it..Something keep holding my neck..tough grip. the conclusion I have been hit with a brick.. was it godsend..maybe he loves me and doesnt want me to drift..maybe he loves me and wants me for a greater event..or was I bad and just needed a hit.. or is it just life cutting my with a knife as every human share of pain..tearing apart my brain.. .hundred shock around the clock, how much there left for me of the same stock..in my age instead of flying ,im rolling with a walking stick..im afraid that I will sink my ambitious ship..maybe it is my age living that fear and rage to gain experience to be ready for the next stage..but I have to turn on the page and escape that cage.