bipolar

life diagnosed with bipolar

I look out the window and what do i see my wholelife passing before me, i load up the car and try to run, but where to run..as i wonder what to do..no birthdays no xmas no thanksgiving dinner no family get togethers for me for i am the dumb one they don't want around..there were names for a condition that no one understand not even the doctor he never said a word.. he   gave  it many names put in the end  he  says just take a pill..i take the pill and i look in the mirror and what do i see the same dumb one staring at me..i go through life wearing a frown..no smile to crack my crown..tears once stood on my cheeks are now long gone..i wear the mask of a pill with no name..my family abandon me  the day i was born to go through life lost and confused..i have wandered the streets wondering what i should do..i try to work and that doesnt help for the people know what i am and i still remain  confused..names on my locker and stolen lunches..are all whats its about when they want to see me  blow my  fuse..its game i know well about i see it every morning and i hear it with a shout..i look around and i wonder if others feel the same as i do..i look at the heavens and i wonder why god is punishing me..i didnt do anything i just happen to be born..all of a sudden out of the wood work people are talking to me about god and his love and i wonder where he has been for the last 44 years..where was god when i was born with a condition with many names and to a family that hides behind shame..i am lost god what did i do..to make you so angry that you would punish me a person lost and confused with a condition with no name..i have made a decision that i know will piss off a few..but god please go away and find another to sit in your pew..one day will come when  i am old and grey and if i dont make it to heaven  hey its ok..