Father's Unofficial Eulogy

Dr. Thomas K. Reed died March 16th, 1966 - he was 65.

 

 

forty springs - snow drifts

 

between - my heart-clock sprung -  mourn

 

motionless in time

Author's Note

Is this true haiku, do you think?

Reviews

[cartera]

I once tried to explain the usual definitions of Haiku to a Cafe person, and was roundly abused as being a showoffy prick. Re-reading what I said, I disagree.
So. to my point. The structure is not all that important in poetry. (I'm old-fashioned, preferring rhyme and metre) Some would argue that even in prose, structure, and plot are not all that important. The content, the feelings engendered in the reader, these are what count. Especially in poetry.
Haiku. Senryu. Who cares?
We get it.
ATB
Alex.

[Dom Macchiaroli]

I haven't seen haiku in a long time, since school I think. Very good, and expresses your point very well.

[theludus]

i'd do this: ,motionless,

in that way there's another delicious pause and it services two things in that the form matches the word (by pausing) and it leaves a window for the mourning process to happen, i like it because it strikes me that this person (the narrator) is shell-shocked and unable to begin that process. And, as a whole the rhythms and impact of the particular words, it's ugh, and ugh: in the sense that it's a real gut punch poem.

[Christina May Shanaberg]

Very, very well written and expresses, effectively, quite a bit of true emotion, for such a short piece!

[Ladysue]

An amazing choice of words. Precise indeed. It captures the feeling perfectly and have created the mood magnificently. This is a gem of a poem!

[Emily B]

It is perfect. I'm sure that the true haiku masters appreciated this for the lofty art that it is. Wonderful descriptive. Pure poetry.

[Bear]

Haiku for sure and so precisely conveys the emotions of your loss.
Well done!
Sallie Bear

[Salvatore Buttaci]

I would say, yes, a true haiku. What's more, it is a wonderful haiku. Word choice: exceptional!

Sal

[W.k.kortas]

While I am nowhere qualified to make the call, it's probably closer to a senryu. It is, however, what a good haiku should be--somewhat ethereal in its treatment of the tangible and corporeal, and highly evocative. A solid piece of work.