Alleiluia Alma Mater for Sol

Heres to the rubble,
you rousers of trouble,
take a bow, you little, red man.
Take away all the sorrow,
turn away tomorrow,
hide your horns with your halo, my friend.

Dressed up to kill
and begging for swill
to us He's not real
and still you tell us to
"Kneel"

Heres to tomorrow
and all that we'll borrow,
grab a cap and a bag and a cane.
Take away all the lives
and the presidents wives
what is left is a pity, a shame.

Wearing suit and tie
you tell us your lies
take away all our lives
and don't even say
"Goodbye"

Separate this and separate that,
you know you're both the same.
Fight wars and save more
souls with your swords.
Don't tell me I should forgive.

Here is to Heaven
and here is to Hell
and everything under the Son.
Take away bibles
and all of the titles,
what we are left with is the Sun.

Reviews

[M@]

I like your playful style of writing: it's easy on the eyes, easy to read, and easy to get. It also gives a sense of dark humor: while you talk about some strong topics, it comes across in clever rhyme scheme that would seem keen to a child.

I also throughly enjoy the play with rhyme in the 2nd and 4th stanzas. It's easy to see that you try to rhyme lines 1, 2, 3, & 5, but throughout the short stanzas, there's more off rhymes and slant rhymes intertwined in it that keeps me interested.

If anything, there are perhaps a few sections of this piece where the flow seems disrupted through word use. While I enjoy your command on the language, I find that pattern of the rhymes and the flowing of the stanzas are interrupted by syllable inconsistencies. It's not glaring, but just enough to jar me out of the poem a bit. I would just suggest playing around with word choice in these sections, if you wish to change it at all; you may find you can either extend these few lines or shorten them to get the flow back on track.

[Haleemaaisha]

whats the meaning behind it?

[Rosary]

thats more like it!