4/2/2019

I can't help but feeling this way. I know it's not my fault, I know it's hard to stay consistent with friends. It just makes me sad that I'm not a priority. I know i'm fun to talk to sometimes when you feel like it but i just wish you could reply to me or don't gloss over my texts. I used to be angry about stuff like this but now i'm just sad. I think it's important that i'm sad right now, I think it shows growth. Before i was sad and angry, now i'm just sad. I think my angry was me hiding the fact that I was ashamed i could be sad about a silly online friendship, y'know? 

 It hurts the most when i'm being ignored in the midst of trying to make them feel important and remembered. It hurts when I go out of my way to make someone with mental illness feel special and loved, cause i know how it feels, and they don't appreciate me trying. I guess I should take the hint and try less if they're not willing to try back but if i want to stay consistent and not socially awkward i have to have an actual consistent relationship instead of messaging them once a month until our friendship fizzles. I know i should take this as a sign but its hard to still try with someone you're not close enough to confront but close enough to have this effect on your mental health and state of mind with your friendship.

 I haven't been feeling well lately, I really wanna learn how to drive and i really need a phone and a phone plan but its so hard to get one when i have no motivation and extreme anxiety/ social anxiety. i want to try but its so hard trying. i just dont see the point in trying at a life i just want to end. journal entries arent good for me huh? or maybe they are and ive just been feeling this way for a while with no outlet to let it go. im going to try to focus on getting a new phone.  

H.E.R. - 2

Reviews

[Connor Shane]

dang mate im sorry youre going through this! personally ive been through some similar situations. all i can say here are these: dont end your life at all! why? because: even if youre being ignored, you never know if maybe, just maybe, they are taking in your help and its affecting them. however its also a good idea to try and find new people, who can help you with the pain. you know? i know for sure that its tough, but its cool that you posted this out here! so uh, just keep trying? please?

[Hobi]

Thank you for your concern/ advice. I hope you've grown from your similar experience! It's reaffirming to know someone else has felt the same way at one point. At this point in my life I don't see me trying to end it anytime soon because I do care for certain people too much to do that to them, so for now I'm fighting ! And it's not just the friend situation that has made me feel this way it's a multitude of things piling up so when I do end up writing about it it's just turns into a depressive mess so sorry to worry you. Thank you for your reply, you're very nice to reach out to a stranger.