i abused someone. August 10, 2018

it hurts. every day i think back to when i forced you to do something to me. i didn’t know what it meant. but i still tricked you. i told you to stop as soon as you started but i can’t help but feel extremely guilty. i’m disgusting. you never deserved that. i’ll forever be sorry. i look back on it in disgust. why wasn’t anyone looking after us. telling me to stop. telling me that was wrong. i’m so sorry. my guilt and regret is immeasurable. our relationship is strained enough as it is this feeling of hatred toward myself and disgust of what i did to you is not making it better. i’m so sorry. if something as minor as someone touching someone else’s face while they slept gave them ptsd what did i do to you. i can’t begin to explain how horrible i am and how vile my actions were. if i could make it up to you i would 1,000 times. i’m not perfect. i’m ugly. i’m disgusting. i’m unwanted. i’m perverted. please please cast me out of your life because it’s too hard admitting to you what i did.