The Struggle

A story/poem that I just wrote

It had been a long day

he had been walking briskly

work had wore him out,

but at least it went by quickly.

The money was alright,

but his life had turned south

his finances were tight

and his mind learned doubt.

How to make it through,

the next few days?

Let alone the next year,

thoughts spiraled into craze.

Finally making it home

without a car to get there

the walk just as exhausting

he couldn't find much or any care.

Food was already waiting for him

with his wife whom he loved,

he had a child to feed

da-da he had been dubbed.

His wife greeted him

with a kiss and a long hug,

when asked about work

all he could do was shrug.

He picked up his baby boy

the light in his life

his most important reason

to continue his fight.

He was only about two

a beautiful child

for him everything was worth it

he had to strive for gold.

When dinner was finished

the child was put to bed,

there was so much on their minds

yet, few words were said.

The fridge was nearly empty

most of the pantry clean

making it through someday

was only a dream.

She held him close

as he cried in her arms

he had given up hope,

but he had never been armed.

With no paychecks coming his way

for at least another week,

he had no options

he couldn't give up, he'd never been weak.

He left and bought a gun

late that same night

he had no idea how he'd use it,

but he thought it felt right.

After work the next day

he went and scoped out

some stores in the next town

he couldn't have doubt.

There was an old gas station

with a little old clerk,

this seemed like a good opportunity

this chance just might work.

Ten minutes before closing

he burst in fully loaded,

yelling, "open the registers"

the scene finally unfolded.

"Give me the cash!

I don't want to shoot you"

the old man pulled the alarm,

he reacted and pulled through.

The bullet hit the man, square in the chest,

so he grabbed all the money

running home all the while thinking,

'I hope my wife will still love me.'

He could hear the sirens

behind him as he ran

he knew what awaited him

for killing that old man.

He ducked here and there

occasionally jumping fences

he didn't know where to go,

his thoughts clouded his senses.

The light hit him, he had been found

the chopper had spotted him,

sirens were all around

he seemed to be clotted in.

He had no where to run

he hopped over another fence,

adrenaline running through him

his heart feeling the suspense.

He jumped back onto another street

and ran straight into a cop

before he knew it

he got up and he shot.

But, they already had surrounded him

and they immediately shot back

all of it over some money,

not even a stack.

He left his family nothing,

no note or a letter

he ended up making it worse,

fighting to make it better.

Author's Note

What do you think about the overall story?

Reviews

[Aisha Mnd]

That was really dismal but was written well nonetheless! Desperation makes us commit the worst of crimes.

As for criticism: It's written pretty well, but some parts need to be tightened a tad more. That's all.

[Frieda P]

Wow, I don't know what to say to this, I do believe that's how it happens sometimes. Was totally drawn in by your words, I felt this man's desperation, good one Harrisen!

[LuvdByJesus]

That's so deep ... I love your poetry It comes from the heart
Kudos to you :')

[Rita L. Sev]

I agree with Ricochet - the story is good - sad when you think that this really happens. Desperate people do desperate things. The base is there for good flow, rhyme and meter; needs work, but fixable for sure.

[Baby Ricochet]

It's a decent story. You need to tighten the meter and you went off rhyme in a few places but other than that it was fine