Better Man

A Poem by Harrisen Viator

The destruction is in hiding

'cause everyday I'm fighting

all these thoughts in my head

they tell me I should be dead

and every night I dread

the thought of havin to wake up

and feeling life is made up

but I gotta

be free

from these negative thoughts of me

so my life will be fulfilled

and from it I will build

a better future than my past

cause it's gone by way too fast

and it's only getting quicker

my mind keeps getting sicker

how can I even win

I just have to begin, again

Shut out and feeling down

I must confess

all these thoughts

bring me to my knees

oh how can I ask forgiveness

from something I don't believe

it's not because of you

it was my fault

I was on the edge and pushed,

now to take away the blue

I reach out to the kush

I'm plagued by my actions

the thoughts are only fractions

of the pain that I endure

death is my only cure

but I can't succumb yet

I have to make it right

to be the best that I can be

and one day you all will see

I'll take you by the hand

and show you,

I'm a better man.

© 2013 Harrisen Viator

Author's Note

Stupid decisions.

My Review

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Reviews

Ees

In the second line- I'd prefer if the "cause" was written as 'cause, because that's really what you mean and cause is a word... I don't know how you feel about that, but that's a suggestion that I have.

"cause it's gone by way too fast
and it's only getting quicker"- so f*****g true!

"so now to make me feel true,"- the phrasing there reads a little odd in conjunction with the rest, it broke up the flow you had just a little bit I found. Not too much though, so again, just something to think about.

The end is very well phrased and stated, I might separate that into it's own stanza to strengthen it's impact.

Nice piece of writing. I'm not going to comment on the content, because when it comes to these matters the things that others say, things that strangers say over the internet really don't mean anything, it's all stuff you have to figure out.

I've lived like three lives since the time I was a 19 year old college student though and I'm just now 25, I can't imagine how many more I and you and everyone will find along the way.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago

View 1 more reply

11 Years Ago

Nice, looks great! I might break for a stanza after this line too: "so my life will be fulfill"
read more

11 Years Ago

You think that I should start another stanza there and have three?

11 Years Ago

yes. I did. You can disagree of course! That is what I thought though.

TLK

"but I can't succumb yet / I have to make it right" is the dead centre of the poem in my eyes. That desperate scrambling against a backdrop of failure to achieve success.