Falling Down

I wrote this poem a while ago, and I decided that I should dedicate it to my younger siblings.

When the world crashes around you,

and the hope in life is gone.

When the light of faith is no more,

and gloominess is in the air.

When loneliness takes its hold,

and friends have left without a word.

When happiness is out of reach,

and clouded out by dreary thoughts.

When there's no more fight,

or strength to carry on.

I'll be here to take your hand,

to pick you up.

I'll be here to dust you off,

and carry you home.

Remember when life is bleak,

don't forget to call my name.

I'll be there to hold you up,

and keep you safe.

So, when the world crashes around us,

and the hope in life is gone.

I'll be there to light the way

and side-by-side we'll make it through

another day.

Author's Note

Just let me know what you think about it, any criticism will help.

Reviews

[unsavable_soul]

I must start by saying you have a natural way in this piece of moving the viewer along, making them want to eagerly pursue it's end. I actually had to stop myself from jumping to the end in hopes of a sneak peek at it's epiphany. I can't say who the piece is for or about, if anyone. But this piece made me feel loved, protected and hopeful. That is special in my opinion because I rarely find that a piece where the individual in subject is spoken of as "you" makes me feel the writer is speaking to me.
You my friend nailed that.
On a side note you did an excellent job solidifying the flow from all the bad things into the renewed hope.
Very nice...
Truly
Chris

[Harrisen Viator]

Chris,
Thank you for your review. Honestly, this is my favorite poem of mine, because I wrote it for my siblings (who as you can see I'd do anything for), but the fact that I was able to elicit a response from you that would make you feel as if I were speaking directly to you, that makes me feel special indeed. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Thanks,
Harrisen

[TLK]

This is a great review, Chris.

[Deuces]

Very touching and reassuring message. The words of a guardian angel whose main goal is to protect and comfort their loved one. I appreciate the positive message and your writing. Kudos.

[Harrisen Viator]

Thank you!
Yeah, I just want them to know that I'm here for them.

[TLK]

This is extremely suitable for younger readers. Without belabouring the point to cynicism, it makes it clear that the world can be difficult -- something children clearly know, as so many report the same reasons for unhappiness (not enough time with parents, who make up for it by buying stuff) and are being treated for record levels of depression (although we're also trying to diagnose it more, so there is an argument about what's truly going on).

It is not stylistically showy writing. It puts across a message in a way that is uncontrived and believable. Frankly, I think your younger siblings are very lucky.

[Harrisen Viator]

I'm glad that you find it suitable for younger readers! That's exactly who I wrote this for, because I'm considerably older than my siblings so I wanted to write it in a way that they would understand without it losing its emphasis. Thank you for this review, and thank you I'd hope that my siblings feel lucky, too.
-Harrisen

[Terohime]

I loved this poem, it was touching and kept me reading. I enjoyed every word and as i kept reading i was being pulled deeper into the poem. Great job.
~Res

[Harrisen Viator]

I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Thank you!
-Harrisen

[Rita L. Sev]

Lyrical; the sentiment reminds me very much of Dylan's "To Make You Feel My Love". Your poem flows nicely and gives a warm feeling - this would be a good poem to read at a wedding!

[Harrisen Viator]

Hmm that makes me feel good to have it remind you of a Bob Dylan tune!
And I never thought about reading it at a wedding! That's an interesting point.
Thanks for your input!

[Veratresa]

It's really good! It almost reads like a song, I like it. :)

[Harrisen Viator]

Thank you! I'm glad that you like it! :)
And I've never thought about it sounding like a song before :P

[Veratresa]

No problem. :) I thought the words carried very well from line to line similarly to a song, but that could just be me. lol Either way very good. :D

[Harrisen Viator]

Well, thank you! :)

[Veratresa]

^.^