Promise Me: Chapter Six (Book One of The Kirkland Family)

Chapter 6

On Friday morning, Josie walked out of her grandparents' house, pointing a video camera at Hannah.  “What are you doing?” Hannah asked.  

 Josie grinned.  “I’m going to film my whole summer!  Ain’t that a great idea?!”

“Not if you’re gonna point that thing at me the whole time,” Hannah said, putting her hands up in front of her face.

“I thought you wanted to be an actress,” Josie pointed out.  “You should be used to it.  You know...’making love to the camera’.”

Hannah pointed a finger at her.  “Okay, you’re just a kid.  Don’t be saying things like that.  You’re too young to even know what that means.”

Josie rolled her eyes, still filming Hannah and the surrounding farm.  “Whatever.  I’m not clueless.”

“No,” Hannah agreed, “but it’s creepy and gross.”  Then as a thought occurred to her, she asked, “Is your dad going to see this?”

“Why?  Do you plan on doing something you shouldn’t do?”

Hannah got a naughty smile on her face.  “Maybe.”  She leaned over and looked into the lens, knowing the camera was getting an up-close and personal scan of her nostrils.  “I guess that means I can’t flash my b***s, huh?”

Josie giggled.  “Eww!  No!”

Hannah grinned and looked right into the camera.  “Don’t worry, Justin, I won’t corrupt your daughter that way, even if you do think that’s all I’m capable of.”

“Oh...”Josie said slowly and carefully, “Don’t take that stuff personally, Hannah.  Daddy thinks that of all women.”  Hannah sent her a sharp look.

“What do you mean?”

“He thinks every woman is like my mom.”

“Ah,” Hannah said, hearing more to the story than Josie was telling her.  What bothered her most of all -- besides Justin Kirkland’s views on women -- was that Josie was completely aware of it.  “Well, maybe you should make a video that proves him wrong.”

“Why do you think I’m filming you?” Josie asked, blinking with unfeigned naivete.

“Actually, I was kind of hoping it was for an A on a school project,” Hannah replied, uneasy and adjusting the neckline of her top while Josie kept right on with the camera.  “You know, that What I Did During My Summer Vacation stuff.  Who else will think of filming their entire summer?”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” Josie said, her eyes wandering for a moment.  “Okay, I’ll go with that explanation, if it makes you feel better.”

“Oh, it does,” Hannah muttered as she waved Josie into her car.  “Come on. We’re gonna be late.”

By the end of that day, Hannah’s nerves were on edge.  Josie’s camera made her feel itchy and jumpy, like someone was breathing down her neck or staring at the back of her head all day.  She’d never been one to succumb to stage fright, but that blinking red light just kept right on...well, blinking.  Hannah was seeing it even when she closed her eyes, and once that day, she doubled checked the bathroom just to make sure the camera wasn’t hidden away behind the toilet while she did her business

Why is this  bothering me so much? she asked herself while sitting under their shade tree, eating lunch.  It must be because Justin might see what she did all day �" which wasn't all that glamorous �" and how she normally looked �" dirty jeans and a tank top �" and it made her a little self-conscience. The camera sat on a flat of paving stones, glaring at both of them, and Hannah’s shoulder kept brushing the side of her neck as though to get rid of that weird someone’s-watching-me sensation.  “Can you turn that off for a while?”

“I’ll miss something if I do,” Josie said, munching on a granola bar.  “Besides, when I get back home, and have nothing to do anymore, then I can turn on the videos and see how happy I am now.”  She grinned for effect, and Hannah rolled her eyes.

“You make it sound like your life sucks,” she told Josie.

“Well, it kind of does,” Josie said.  “I go to an all-girls school, I have one friend in the whole wide world, and I’m not allowed to go anywhere unless daddy or Teresa is with me.”

Hannah frowned.  “Who’s Teresa?”

“Oh, she’s our housekeeper,” Josie informed her, shrugging as though it was no big deal.  

“What is she doing while both of you are gone?”

“Daddy gave her some time off to go back home to visit her family.  She’s from the Dominican Republic,” Josie said.

Hannah leaned back against the tree.  “Okay, so let me get this straight.  Your life sucks because you’re rich, you've got a housekeeper to pick up after you, you live by the ocean, can go swimming any time you want, your father sends you to a private school so you can get a pedigree education, and he’s doing his best to keep safe by making sure someone is with you, since, you know, you’re thirteen.”

Josie huffed.  “Jeez!  Since you put it that way!  I’m freaking privileged.”

“No need to get upset,” Hannah said calmly, “but yes, you are privileged.  Not many kids grow up like you."

"You mean, like you?"

Hannah laughed, a sarcastic tone to it.  "I think you've got it a little easier than I did."

Josie rolled her eyes.  "Please...I already asked Grandma about you."

Hannah raised her eyebrows.  "Oh, really?  And what did you find out?"

Josie flicked a finger between the two of them.  "You and I...we're practically the same person."

Leaning back against the tree trunk, Hannah said, "This I've gotta hear.  Enlighten me, Josie.  How are we the same person?"

"Well...we're both raised by our dads," she began, and Hannah snorted, the sound coming out like a congested elephant.

"So was Al Pacino's daughters," Hannah gawffed.  "Let's compare ourselves to that childhood."

Josie's jaw flopped for a second.  "We both love to sing..."

Hannah shook her head.  "I don't sing anymore."

"But you still love to, right?"

Deciding to not answer that question, mostly because she didn't have an answer, Hannah waved at Josie to get on with her argument.  "What else do you have?"

"Oh, um...guinea pigs?"

Hannah started giggling.  Josie grinned and added, "And we're both intelligent and beautiful women."

"I'm a woman," Hannah corrected, "You are a young lady."

"But I am smart and beautiful," Josie argued with a waggle of eyebrows.

"More like sneaky and adorable," Hannah said, throwing a potato chip at her.

Josie retaliated and threw a cheese puff at her, saying, “Yeah, I am.  But you love me anyway.”

Hannah just smiled, thinking, It’s kind of hard not to.

*****

One week later...Thursday…the middle of the Atlantic Ocean...

Justin popped a peppermint in his mouth as he settled into his bunk.  Three weeks had already passed since he dropped Josie off at his parents, and he’d been on this submarine for over two of them. Originally, he was only supposed to tag along, working on the communication systems, until the boat reached Spain, where he would hitch a flight back to the states. Those plans had already changed. It was going to take another week to work out the bugs in the system �" after stopping in Spain -- and that meant another week that Josie would have to stay with her grandparents.

 

 

It’d be good to breathe fresh air again, he thought wistfully. After two weeks on board, Justin was pretty much used to the odd, hollow sounds of being underwater.  It was the sense of being confined to one enclosed space, breathing the same air as thirty other guys, that he had the most trouble dealing with.  But it had always been that way for him, even when he was in the Navy.  The peppermints helped, though.  Calmed him, kept him focused.  And right now, he needed to not think about some things.  Mainly the latest news from his family.  

Josie got a job.  A job.  Where?  Doing what?  She’s thirteen.  What could she be doing besides babysitting, and who in their right mind would allow a...a baby to babysit?  His parents weren’t forthcoming with the details when he called them last week, telling them he'd be gone a little longer than originally planned, but his time was limited, and all he discovered was that Josie was happy and she got a job. That was about it before his mom changed the subject, effectively cutting off any questions he had.

Something inside him said they were being secretive for a reason.  And that was bothering him more than the small spaces of the submarine, including the tuna can sized bunk he slept in every night.  

Josie...what are you up to now?

“Yo!  Kirkland!  Come on, man!  The movie’s starting!”  The navigation technician, introduced simply as Booker, called Justin from the portal leading to the mess hall.  Justin groaned, but he rolled out of his bunk.  Every night, those off duty usually had some kind of entertainment planned, and since this was just a training voyage strictly for testing out a new communications system, there was no need to keep the volume down beyond the normal levels.

“What are we watching tonight?” he asked settling down at a table, feeling cramped again because his long legs didn’t quite fit under the attached top...or really anywhere on this boat.

“It’s Daley’s choice,” Booker announced, and everyone groaned.  Daley, one of the medical staff, grinned as he slipped a disk into the player.  Daley had a perchance for stupid, off-color comedies or cult horrors.

“It’s called, Terror Town,” Daley said.  “Wait until you see the redhead...she doesn’t take her top off -- d****t -- but she’s got this body like a porn star--”

“Just get on with it,” someone shouted.  Justin rubbed his tired eyes.  He’d been tweaking the new system all day, even having to reprogram a part of it.  Really, he just wanted to go back to his bunk and sleep, but that wouldn’t be possible.  Even if the guys did leave him alone, their voices would have kept him awake.  Might as well enjoy the movie and bit of popcorn while he was awake. They were finally docking in Spain in the morning and would have a three-day weekend for leave while the boat restocked.  He planned to fly over to Barcelona to see Luke while he was in this part of the world, but it was the prospect of that fresh air Justin craved most of all.  Just one more night...

But ten minutes into the movie, Justin no longer cared how tired he was �" however, the fresh air issue had intensified. He could really use a lungful of clean oxygen, because the redhead in the movie with the “porn star body”...that was Hannah.  And that skimpy bikini she wore in the movie left nothing to the imagination.

Damn, she’s followed me out into the middle of the Atlantic.  

Hannah Baker, back in her early twenties, playing the lifeguard at a community pool, her golden skin gleaming from tanning oil, and a saucy smile lighting up her face, and the guys around Justin were whistling and jeering at her on that screen, and with every taunt and hoot, and every cheerful comment about her shapely legs and how obviously cold it must have been when she emerged from the pool...Justin’s blood got hotter and hotter, a weird feeling of irritation at the guys around him settling inside his stomach.  And that was just plain retarded.  Why should he care how men ogled and propositioned Hannah?  She should be used to it.  She’d been on the receiving end of such behavior before.  Nothing new there.  Justin shouldn’t care.  Not at all.

Abruptly, he stood and left. 

“Hey, where you going?  It’s getting to the good part.  She’s about to die.”

Justin waved at them over his shoulder, “Long day...turning in early.”  He ignored the names they called him in good-nature.  Back in his bunk, he stuck some plugs in his ears and settled down to make himself sleep...but hiding behind his eyelids was Hannah, where he saw her in person that night at the gas station, stretched out on the hood of her Honda, wearing that bikini from the movie.  And his appreciation for b-rated horror movies started growing.  Among other things.

For the love of...!  Cut me some slack!  Justin rolled over, facing the wall of his bunk, with the rest of the submerged boat -- full of dudes -- behind him while they gawked and lusted after a woman from a movie, who Justin knew personally but didn’t particularly like, and yet the visions of her was giving him an erection...did I mention I’m on a submarine full of other guys?

Something was very wrong with this picture.

*****

After two weeks with Josie Kirkland working by Hannah’s side for most of it, Hannah discovered what she’d been missing from not having a sister.  Though the blond girl was considerably younger than red-haired store owner, their time together was full of laughter, junk food and even a few shopping excursions.  The days of June flew by. Then Josie learned she had to stay an extra week, and the girl’s smile nearly enveloped her entire face. Even on those days apart from each other, Josie and Hannah talked on the phone or chatted through the computer, saying nothing at all, just having someone to talk to.  By that second Thursday, Hannah drove out to the Kirkland’s farm to see Josie, even though they normally didn’t spend this day together, but Hannah had something for the girl.

“What’s this?” Josie asked, ripping the sealed flap.

“It’s your two-weeks pay,” Hannah informed her as she stood in the Josie’s bedroom.  Josie’s hands froze and her eyes got big.

“I get paid?!”

“Well, yeah.  I did say this was a job,” Hannah said, smiling at the astounded girl.  “I wasn’t hiring you to be my slave, you know.”

Josie blinked once.  “I get paid!”  

“Now, it’s not much, since you’re only a kid and protected by the Child Labor Law, so technically, you’re not even my employee--”

“Whoa!” Josie shouted, pulling the bills out of the envelope.  “A hundred dollars?!”

Hannah laughed.  “That’s two weeks worth, including tomorrow, so don’t skip out on me, or I’ll have to dock you--”

“Fifty bucks a week?”

“Too much?”

Josie clutched the money to her chest.  “No!  I mean...of course it’s not too much.  You’re paying me fifty bucks a week to goof off!  That’s so cool!”

“Hey now,” Hannah chided softly, though she couldn’t help grinning at Josie’s enthusiasm.  “You work your butt off for fifty bucks...even if it is goofing off -- you, Josie Kirkland, can break a sweat like nobody’s business.”

Josie hugged Hannah tightly, surprising her.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I’ve never been paid for anything before.”

Hannah patted her arm, unsure on how to handle this situation.  “Don’t you get an allowance?”

Josie dropped back onto her bed and fanned herself with her money.  ‘Nah, Daddy doesn’t believe in allowances.  He says if I do my chores and get good grades, then yes, he’ll give me money to go to the movies with Laura and her parents, or stuff like that.  But he won’t just give me money for no reason.”

“Well, that’s not too bad,” Hannah commented, thinking that her father used to do the same thing.  If Hannah ever needed money for things, she knew she could ask, but she also knew that her father wouldn’t just give her money whenever she did ask.  There had to be a good reason and there had to be some effort on her part involved.  Mainly, doing extra chores and balancing her fun time with work and studying.  

Hmm, I wonder if Justin does the same with Josie...

“How often do you get to go out with Laura and her family?” Hannah asked, trying to be circumspect about her musings.

Josie shrugged.  “Not a lot.  Daddy takes me places all the time, but he likes to do things that don’t cost a lot of money, says it builds character when you can have fun without paying for it.  But he’ll let me go places with Laura and her parents sometimes.”  She stuffed the money in her pocket.  “The great thing is that Daddy never asks for his change back, so if I budget really good, I always have some extra.  Now, I think I have enough saved up.”

Hannah asked,  “Saved up for what?”

Josie bit on her bottom lip.  “Nothing really...just something I’ve wanted for a while, and I know that the only way I’ll ever get one is if I pay for it myself.”

“What is it?” Hannah asked again.  “A car?”  She couldn’t imagine Josie’s father ever denying her anything she’d want, but the girl’s words implied as much.

Hesitating on the edge of the mattress, Josie glanced at Hannah.  “I can’t tell you...I’ve never told anyone.”

Hannah knew, better than most, what it was like to have a secret that was too painful or embarrassing to share, even with her best friend.  A memory flashed before her eyes, of Luke Kirkland’s crumpled face when she lied and told him she didn’t love him anymore...the only promise she ever broke.  The biggest mistake of her life.

“Okay, I won’t pry,” she told Josie with a calming smile.  “But if you ever get whatever it is, maybe you can show it to me one day.  I’ll keep your secret.”

Josie’s green eyes glowed with hope.  “Really?  And you’ll show me how to use it?”

“What makes you think I’ll know how?” Hannah asked, enjoying this game of Guess What I’m Thinking.

Josie smiled.  “Because I know you can...you can do anything!”

Hannah laughed at her joke, but something in the girl’s expression told her that Josie truly believed that.  Oh, honey...I wish I could do anything.  Failing at a lifelong dream had a way of settling heavy on a girl’s soul, yet, for just a moment there while Josie’s smiling face shone brightly, Hannah stood a little taller.  She felt like a superhero of sorts....like she could do anything.  And it felt good.

It was Friday morning when Josie showed Hannah her secret.  “Hannah!  Look!”

Hannah stared at the brand new acoustic guitar in the girl’s hands as she sat on a rocking chair waiting for Hannah to pick her up.  Hannah’s steps faltered.  A guitar.

“Is that what you’ve been wanting?”

No wonder she kept it a secret...if her dad knew about this...

“I’ve always wanted one,” Josie said, beaming.

“Yeah, you told me.”

“So?  Will you teach me to play?”

Hannah put her hand on the porch railing, holding herself together.  Bittersweet memories of learning to play a six-string swept over her.  Her dad taught her to play, just like he taught her how to change a tire and to cook and grow a garden and to do laundry and...all those little things that added up to the person she was today.  But Josie’s dad...some little voice inside Hannah’s head said he would go ballistic if he found his daughter singing and playing.  

“...a siren of temptation...sung your pretty songs...guys falling all over themselves...”

“Does your dad know about this?”

Josie stopped strumming and looked at Hannah...the answer as clear as day.  “He says it’s a waste of time.”

“Really?”

“I asked for one last Christmas...he bought me a windsurfing board instead.”

“Windsurfing?”  Hannah tried to see Josie windsurfing.  She just didn’t seem that type.

“I hate windsurfing.”

“I can imagine,” Hannah said, and sighed.  “Josie, you can’t keep going behind your dad like this--”

“The job was your idea,” Josie said, and Hannah groaned.

“Yeah, you’re right.  I’m sorry...I just didn’t think he was being fair--”

“He wasn’t.”

Hannah pointed a finger at Josie, trying to look stern but laughing inside.  “Okay...stop with the interrupting.”

“Sorry.”

“Like I was saying, if you want to learn to play the guitar that bad, then you should tell your father--”

“I did!”

“Josie,” Hannah said, and Josie smiled sheepishly.

“Oops, sorry.  No more interrupting.”

“So, you told your dad.  What did he say?”

“He said I shouldn't try to chase rainbows.  I need to start thinking about a real career...what I really want to do when I grow up."  Josie grimaced and plucked at her guitar.

Appalled, Hannah leaned against the railing.  She's a child!...She shouldn't have to think about that stuff now.  What's wrong with having a little fun?  Doing something she loves...

Closing her eyes and groaning, Hannah couldn't believe where her thoughts were leading.  Then she grunted...Oh, well, he already hates me.

Josie ran her fingertips along the strings, a melancholy sound filling the morning.

"Come on," Hannah growled softly, "and bring that thing with you.  We're gonna be late."

Josie got a hopeful look in her green eyes.  "You'll teach me to play? Like really play?"

"Sure...why the hell not?" Hannah mumbled as she got in her car.  "Your dad already thinks I'm trouble, so if he asks, then this was all my idea."

Josie struggled to get her guitar in the backseat without banging it up.  "Really?  You'd take the blame when he pops his top?"

Hannah groaned.  "Does he do that often?  And can you describe this top-popping event I'll eventually be facing?"

Josie grinned.  "Oh, it's nothing big.  He'll stop moving and talking and gets this really mad look on his face, and then he'll tell you to leave him alone before he loses it, and then he'll stand there for about ten minutes, making fists."

Hannah shot Josie an amused glance as she started the engine.  "That's it?"

Josie rolled her eyes.  She snapped her seat belt in place.  "I wish that was all it is.  Once he starts to move, he doesn't stop.  When he found out I snuck out with Laura to go to this party, he brought me home immediately, sent me to my room, and spent half the night doing the breaststroke in the lap pool."

Backing out of the driveway, Hannah frowned, hearing more trouble coming her way.  "Okay, back up...you snuck out to go to a party?  What kind of party?"

Josie squirmed in her seat and stared out her window.  "Just a...a party."

Hannah immediately pulled her car to the side of the road.  "First of all...don't bother trying to lie to me.  I've got all your tricks filed and memorized by now.  Secondly, thirteen-year-old girls don't sneak out to attend a birthday bash at the Chuck E Cheese, so I've already got a fairly good idea what kind of party you got caught at....and third, how are you not grounded for life after a stunt like that?"

Josie said, "I'm stuck here for the whole summer, aren't I?"

"Ouch," Hannah breathed sarcastically.  “Really not the best attitude right now, Josie.  I’m trying to be nice and give you something do while ‘stuck her for the whole summer’, remember?  So, cut the crap.  What’s going on with you?  Are you not happy?  Do you honestly feel like you’re getting mistreated at home?”

The girl didn’t say anything for a while, but her cheeks told Hannah more than words ever would.  Josie blushed deep red from embarrassment, and she started biting on her fingernail.  Hannah sighed and resumed driving.  “Come on, Josie, talk to me...why are you so eager to misbehave and make your dad mad at you?”

A tear trickled out of Josie’s eyes, but she quickly wiped it away.  “He thinks I’m her.”

“He thinks you’re who?”

“My mom.”

A light bulb burst above Hannah’s head.  “Oh.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but she’s...well, she’s not very nice, and she's...spoiled.”

Hearing that word coming from a spoiled girl’s mouth, describing a grown woman...Hannah tried really hard to keep the small giggle from traveling past her lips, but it was no use.  “Spoiled?”

“Yeah, I don’t know any other word for it,” Josie said with a heavy sigh.  “Daddy thinks I’m gonna grow up to be just like her, and I’m not...I’m not like her at all!”  She was clearly upset by this.  The tears began to flow relentlessly, and Hannah reached into the glove box to get a tissue for her.

“Thanks,” Josie said.  For about a mile, Hannah drove silently, letting Josie get control of her emotions, then she asked, “Have you talked to your dad about this?”

“We don’t talk.  We just yell at each other,” the girl explained.

“But you said you do things together.  Don’t you talk then?”

“Not really,” Josie said with a shrug.  “We don’t say much of anything to each other anymore, unless he’s griping at me for something or another.”

“That must get exhausting, for both of you,” Hannah commented.

“You have no idea.  Sometimes I wish I could go live with my mom, but then I get there, and I can’t wait to get back home.”

Hannah smiled through the windshield.  “A lot of people feel that way when they visit family.  It’s just not the same as being at home, where you’re comfortable.”

“It’s not that,” Josie argued in a quiet voice.  “Mom is...well, spoiled.  She always leaves me alone and goes out drinking and dancing with her friends and made me hide in my room when she brought her boyfriends around.  Then, she’d take Daddy’s money to go shopping for herself, buying all kinds of clothes and jewelry.  But then she got married to Richie, and she doesn’t get any more money from Daddy, and now she acts like she never wants me around.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sure that’s not true--”

“Yes, it is!  She even said she never wanted me!” Josie said fiercely, which made Hannah furrow her brow and glance at the girl.

“Josie,” Hannah began in a soft tone, “from what I remember, your mom and dad were really young when they got married.  It’s hard to raise a child when you’re barely out of childhood yourself.  When she said that, I’m sure it was just frustration talking.”

Josie huffed and slammed her fists on her knees.  “No!  She didn’t say this when I was a baby!  She said it just last year!  I heard her!”

“She told you she didn’t want you?”

“Not to me,” Josie admitted, starting to shed fresh tears.  “She was talking on the phone to someone, and I heard her say it.  She even said she got herself fixed so she’d never make that mistake again!”

Hannah’s heart suffered for the girl.  Sweet heavens.  Why would a mother ever say something like that about her daughter?  Then Hannah thought about her own mother, and the same feelings she, herself, experienced whenever she was around Lawna Miles-Baker.  Hannah never felt like she’d been a mistake because her father had loved her unconditionally and honestly, but her mother...well, that was another chapter in her family bible.

As she pulled into the parking lot of the farm store, Hannah asked, “What about your dad?  Does he want more children?”

Josie took a moment to blow her nose.  She shook her head.  “I don’t know.  When they were still married, he’d say things to momma that made me think that he did, but I don’t think he ever knew momma fixed herself so she couldn’t have anymore babies.  He’s never said anything about it.”

Turning off the engine, Hannah turned in her seat and studied Josie.  The girl was a wreck, and it was all her parents’ fault.  Her mother truly was spoiled b***h, if she thought of her daughter as a mistake and never wanted her around.  And her dad...Hannah sighed to herself.  Justin Kirkland was an a*s.  At least, to Hannah’s frame of mind.  He should be twice the parent now, and he was barely being one. He should be talking to Josie twice as often, showing twice as much patience, twice as much love and understanding. Instead, Josie claims he only yells at her, denies her things she truly wants, and then gets angry when she turns around and repeats his own behavior back at him. This beautiful girl here, she just wanted to be loved, not yelled at, not told that her dreams were garbage, to be given the chance to be a child, and definitely not ignored by her own mother.  She should be told everyday how amazing she was...even when she wasn’t acting so amazing.

Hannah got out of her car, walked around to Josie, who had followed suit, and pulled the girl into a hug.  “Well, I think you’re wonderful, and I like having you around.  If you ever want to talk about it, you let me know, okay?”

Josie lifted her head off Hannah’s shoulder.  “I thought we were talking about it.”

And with that, Hannah started laughing.  “Yeah, I suppose we were.  Come on...let’s get the day started, then I’ll show you how to play ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’ on your guitar.”

Josie smiled and hugged Hannah again.  “I love you, Hannah.  You’re my new best friend.”

Hannah closed her eyes to the feeling of the girl’s arms around her.  Justin, you a*s...