Shooting Star

A very old poem

Shooting Star

I feel like a Romeo without a Juliet.

A wheel without an axle

Must I be a thorn that has no rose?

A seed that be not planted in the sod.

I feel like a universe which has no matter.

A rogue planet which can see no sun.

Am I the only life form to be found in this barren cosmos,

A fallen star who jets briefly in glory across the empty night.

I feel I am nothing,

Not the moon,

Not the sun,

Neither be I the universe,

I possess the human form,

Even so, the shape fits me not.

I have worn many masks.

Each facade has melted in the pouring rain.

Like sugar cubes that dissolve in the tea of life,

The used leaves have lost all their savor,

And bitter brown mulch be of no importance.

Like the shooting star,

Which blazed across the heavens.

Then fell to the waiting earth.

A burnt-out rock which clutters the ground.

And when the heat has cooled.

Someone will cherish that lump of stone.

They will hold it close,

Never again will it blaze with fervent light.

Gravity won the battle and can do no more.

So be I the StarIvy entangled in the cosmos's heart

Author's Note

I have just recently found a number of my writings from over thirty plus years ago. This is one of them with some minor changes from the original.

Reviews

[B]

You draw out quite a scene
I really enjoy your word choice
and this feeling you bring across
Emptiness can be felt by the greatest of souls
Maybe a sign that more needs to be done to feed the heart

Nice job !!

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you for reading and reviewing this writing. I am glad you enjoyed it. Yes the soul responds to what the heart is feeling or being feed.

[Vaporvision]

I take note that this was written quite some time ago. I also take note that you had edited it before you released the final project. I'd like to say, it's a very beautiful poem. It truly reflects one destined for greatness, but outshone by others who are more opportune (at least how I see it). Something I can say though, is that in some places the grammar could use work. As I said in the beginning, it might just be because of the time ago you wrote it. I'll check out some of your other pieces to see if the mistakes are reoccurring. To sum it up, a pretty poem with a deep meaning. A few grammatical errors, but they do not detract from the meaning of it. Thanks.

[H.L. Cerveise]

Thank you for reading and reviewing this poem. I know there are grammar issues, at least eight that I can see. In complete sentences, incorrect pronunciation, what looks like forgotten words and so on. Often in my newer writings, I will not use punctuation at all or very little of it to let the reader know it is a free style and an anti-grammatical poem on purpose. A stream of consciousness sometimes goes beyond the bounds of human speech and correct grammar. Well at least, that is how I see it.

Now having said all that, I do like people to let me know of misspellings or the possible use of the wrong word. The usage of the word then comes to mind as something to point out. I sometimes on purpose make sure the poem is totally correct in all ways possible because that enhances the writing. Again, at least that is how I see it.

I have at times written two versions of the same poem or prose. One with all the grammar corrected and one with no punctuation and no grammar rules. The one that strays less from the inspiration that spawned the writing gets published.

You can totally disagree with me and I “will defend to the death your right to say it.” Just joking and I like your interpretation and insight of this poem.

[Vaporvision]

Noted. Thanks :).

[H.L. Cerveise]

I know I was a bit long-winded; however, I often have the debate with all the psyches within me of the very issues you brought up. How should I mold a writing? Should it be a work of art or as sentences that must have a rigid pattern? Sometimes they both come together and entwine in a way that enhances each other. Other times an entwined entity exists without each other. Again, thanks for engaging me in some discourse.

[Vaporvision]

I believe that writing, as art, can be beautiful no matter how it's presented. I also believe though, that the MOST beautiful thing is something that is perfect. I always try to keep the way I punctuate, and the way I use my grammar, the best I possibly can. I find it hard to read a piece with incorrect punctuation. The difference between me and the next writer though, is that I am aiming to become an English teacher when I am older. Rather than writing being a representation of how I feel, it's how I can show off what I've learned. I believe that English should be perfect. Sorry if I skewed off topic in this array of comments, I'm a little busy at the moment.

[H.L. Cerveise]

No problem, I always like to know what other creative writers are thinking.