Session 1: Tech support notes from the "any" key and sentience case

Session 1: Tech support notes from the “any” key and sentience case

 “Hello this is Oisin. How may I help you?” Oisin says in his polite business voice.

“Oh, mighty tech god Oisin I am glad it is you. This is Fred.” His voice sounded desperate. “I think my computer is broken and needs to be replaced and has an attitude problem.”

“Fred, please just call me Oisin.” He says again for the millionth time. “Tell me what exactly is happening?” He is saying this as he brings up his remote connection to Fred's computer.

“You mean you can't see it?” Fred says with disbelief in his voice.

“I am on your computer now, contrary to popular belief; I cannot watch everyone's screens all the time.” He keeps his voice even and reassuring. “Hum, I see nothing wrong on the screen.”

“Right there in the middle, it says press the “any” key to continue. I don't have the “any” key and what is it with this attitude of “nothing to do?” Fred says his voice getting louder in frustration. “ I swear this thing is sentient.”

Shaking his head, Oisin says, “Fred that means hit any key you want on your keyboard to continue.”

“Oh, then why didn't it just say that?” He taps a key, and the window closes.”Thank you, but what about the attitude part?”

“Fred, computers are not sentient yet. Speaking of that Fred you are a vegetarian right?" Oisin, likes to talk to his clients about things other than tech to make a better connection with them.

“Yes, I believe animals are sentient. I don't eat eggs even since they will give birth to a thinking, feeling creature. So I stick to eating plants only.” He says this with pride in his voice.

“Do you eat mushrooms?” Oisin says in a level and even tone.

“Yes, why do you ask that?" Fred's voice sounded puzzled.

“Did you know scientists have found mushrooms are more like humans than plants?”

“Oh, my goodness, I will have to stop eating them then." Fred said with great conviction.

“Did you hear about the scientist who developed a device that lets him understand what any animal is saying or thinking?” Oisin disconnects from Fred's computer as he is saying this.

“No, wow, that proves it is a good thing not to eat animals.” Again, he has pride in his voice.

“Well, Fred I am sorry to tell you this same device lets him listen to and talk to plants also. They have some very interesting things to say.”

“Oh, my goodness," is all Fred says as he hangs up his phone.

Author's Note

I must add to this writing that as I thought about my plants and my mushrooms, many things came to me. Long ago it was found plants respond to music. I started growing mushrooms a couple of years back I have learned much about them, and I understand a little how they communicate with each other. See these links for a little enlightenment on this subject: http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141111-plants-have-a-hidden-internet and http://io9.gizmodo.com/5940434/why-are-mushrooms-more-like-humans-than-they-are-like-plants

Reviews

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

That is full of humour. This is one of your best pieces ever. This is a stressful world, and if you can bring laughter and pleasure to other people then you are certainly doing a great job. That is really picturesque and excellent. Keep writing.

[H.L. Cerveise]

I am so glad you like it. This is a series so there are more and will be more.

[Monica Chen]

I laughed so much at the ending - I'm convinced that one day, synthetic foods will enable people to create a new kind of consumer (consumer in relation to food) that avoids both plant and animal products. I'm also convinced that my computer has a huge attitude problem :D

Just a little typo I noticed - "vegetarian" not "vegetation"

[H.L. Cerveise]

Oh holy cow, thank you so much. have been in such a rush to get these writings out; I not seeing all my errors. I am glad you liked it, and it made you laugh.

[H.L. Cerveise]

Oh, do not do what they did in Session 2 to fix your computer. I hate to see innocent chickens lose their lives for such a lost cause.

[H.L. Cerveise]

Do not worry about Fred either Oisin fixes Fred also in Session 3. Hum, kind of like a soap opera.