A thoughtful ride

One more glimpse at my TRCJ.

 

Riding a bus on the way to the hotel, sitting next to the broad window; Nick revived in his mind's eye Nicole's departure that afternoon.

Was she that much attached to them?  He wondered. Or was there some strange kind of parental relationship, which she missed badly and they provided? Well it’s too early to draw any conclusions. But as far as I could tell she might be playing a perfect role in her own subtle way, just as she did successfully so many times before, no doubt. She was the type who was able “to live it and enjoy it”. That was her style all right.

He almost laughed out loud thinking of it and adoring her on the same time. Doesn’t she play the same role with me, does she really love me? But that menacing doubt was driven away from his thoughts, as soon as it popped up but veered back into his conscious, like a boomerang. His eyes were glued to the glass pane of his window absent mindedly, without paying any heed to the city and its sights passing by.

But what about my own relations with Nicole, yeah what kind of relations do we have? She used to be quite harsh toward me down there, all along that time…

Flooded with sudden anguish, he stopped his hopeful thoughts short. Anyway, things have changed completely from one end to another, she herself admits it! I'll never give her up, so help me!

The thought flashed through his brain, storming it in a wave of resolute heated fury. But then for a friction of a second, he was stunned with torturing fear. What is she really doing this afternoon? Where is she going, whom is she meeting? Good God! I must rid myself of these haunting suspicions. I must clear it out of my head! After all, what was she doing from the day that we parted till these very days... And how about the life she led long before she had known me.  There must have been other men in her life. I can't ignore it. But I was her lover and still am and above all, she loves me! Our relations are far deeper than the polite but superficial “Hi and bye” relations, she leads with the Gordins! They may treat her as their only child, why should it bother me? On the contrary I can make a good use out of it, why not? As for their blind obedience, they must be spellbound and no wonder they are. As a Eurasian she represents to them the very symbol of human equality, in its pure communist conception's value. Her beauty on the other hand is well deserved to be admired, worshipped is the right term! Not by men alone and her wealth, must be another major factor no doubt, while these two are Jews...! Oh God, I'd better forget it, give up such thoughts! I gave Nicole my word and who knows, they might prove otherwise, completely different.                    

The bus slowed down and turned towards the crowded sidewalk.

That's exactly the bus stop where I should get off! Nick realized surprised and left his seat in a hurry, rushing to the open rear door.    

©  Haim Kadman 1991 �" all rights reserved.