The Hawk

I found my self sitting in a boat among a crowded and mixed group of women and men of different ages. I did not know any of them, I don’t remember any of their faces. I was huddled at the stern without the ability to move my limbs, just like anyone else I guess.
I can’t remember seeing a sail above our heads or oars on both our boat’s sides. The sky was clear and the sea was smooth like a mirror.
Not a word was uttered, all eyes were directed to the horizon with much hope it seemed, and I wondered whether they really saw what I couldn’t – for I saw just water and the imaginative line where the sky kisses the sea.
A sudden gust of air started to blow, and the sky was covered with dark menacing clouds. We were caught in a vicious storm in a sudden drastic change.
Frightened, frantic shouts were heard above the wind’s sob like howls; towering dark waves threatened to capsize our boat. I could hear someone suggesting to get rid of a few of us, to lighten the boat’s load; when a giant wave raised the bow and I was thrown backwards into the water. I didn’t swallow much water having held my breath and I kept my mouth shut. But I hit the bottom surprisingly fast. I stood quickly on my feet, and realized that the water hardly reached my chest. The boat wasn’t too far off, I shouted to them in vain – nobody heard me, then a huge wave hit me and swept me towards the shore.
The next thing I remember is lying on my belly face down on the sand, half immersed in water. I tried to stand up, I couldn’t so tired I was. I crawled forward towards the forest fringe, the sky was still dark it wasn’t too hot yet, but I thought the sky would clear up in a short while and instinctively I knew, I’d better find refuge in the shade under the forest canopy. I reached at last the forest fringe, and getting hold the nearest tree trunk I stood slowly up and looked back. The storm subsided but the boat wasn’t there anymore. I slumped slowly down in utter exhaustion and lying on my back I almost fainted. Sleep was creeping like a thief I was so drowsy, when the noise of flapping wings right above me made me start in alarm. A beautiful fowl of prey was about to land upon my chest, its sharp talons almost touched me. What a sight it was, awesome and frightening at the same time; its spread wings, its glaring yellow eyes, it’s powerful beak so close. I raised my head a bit and managed to wave my left arm, I tried to shout but I don’t why, I couldn’t. The hawk veered sideways, flew up and perched on a near branch, just a few yards away, watching me with its piercing gaze.
Right at that moment I woke up, and sat in my bed embracing my knees with my hands – in total darkness, seeing the glare of its yellow eyes in my mind’s eye.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

A dream! A nightmare! As the words 'The storm subsided but the boat wasn't there anymore. I slumped slowly down in utter exhaustion and lying on my back I almost fainted. Sleep was creeping like a thief ...' I thought ' .. this could be a dream...' ~~ you led up to it so well.

There are some finely put phrases in this writing 'just water and the imaginative line where the sky kisses the sea.' ~~ also: 'the wind's sob like howls'

I'll be back to read more of your stories. Thank you very much.

[Paul Michelle]

Engaging and interesting. In places i though it had unnecessary words. For example "Sleep was creeping like a thief". The word "was" is distracting to me. You might have dropped the 'was' and used the word 'crept instead. One quality I've observed in great writers is their economy of words. To convey an idea with as few words as possible. I'm critiquing your work because it's good. I like it. It's intriguing. Not boring. It pulled me along to read the whole thing. It's just my opinion, of course. Will check out more of your work.