Twins

They do everything together

Nothing alike

When one draws, the other is by her side

One a picture of a butterfly

One a solar system

 

One sits at a throne of flowers in a ball gown

The other by herside in a comfy chair and P.J.s

Both choose their poison

They will dine with the devil tonight

Author's Note

Tell me if you like it, I was wondering if i should continue.... if you want me to then say so and I will

Reviews

[deeps]

I like this, i think it's pretty much summed up.

[ettorney]

Blu, you can definitely continue this. The connection between twins has always been fascinating. Careful though, in just these two stanzas your story, the flow of ideas, or shall we call it your poetic movement seems to jump erratically.

A couple of comments.

"They do everything together Nothing alike"

I don't follow the juxtaposition here. Not sure if you are saying they do everything together but not similar or if they are nothing alike each other but do everything together. Or I could be wrong on both. The point is we (the readers; or speaking for myself only) do not follow what you are portraying or why the contrast.

"Both choose their poison They will dine with the devil tonight"

These lines follow an image of comfort, regalement and then, BAM, death and devils etc.

These stark contrasts can work, but it is important to give the reader a sense of "what" and "why".

Perhaps as you flush the poem out these issues can be addressed in a way that tells the story, provides interest and raises an emotional response.

Nice start.