Chapter 21

    I sit on Billy's bed, waiting to see if he would return. The hour passes by, he doesn't come back. Another hour and no Billy. I stand up. The pain in my legs and arms instantly come back to haunt me. It kills. I groan as I try to walk towards the door of his room that leads into his kitchen. I turn the knob cautiously. I open the door just a crack. I look out. The angle isn't to good. All I can see is the corner going into the kitchen. the hall is about 10 feet long, not that big. I start to make my way down the small hallways. Still being very cautious. I turn the corner.

 " OH MY GOD! " I scream at the horrible sight before me. His mini fridge on the floor about three feet in front of my to the side. the counter is in the middle of the room like an island, and a stove off against the far wall underneath a small window. In front of the counter by the entrance of the living room there was a chair knocked over. My eyes meet the chair first, then they drift over to feet. Feet that are dangling in the air. I force my eyes to travel up. It's a body. I travel all the way up the body to the face. The face of Billy. With a rope tide as tight as can be around his what now is pale neck. I could see the blood circulation being cut off by the rope. I see a little blood from the pressure of Billy stepping off the chair, into mid air, into suicide. I cover my mouth in complete terror as I scan the scene. After a few seconds of gathering myself a little, I rush over to Billy.  

     I quickly stand the chair back up and get up onto it so I match Billy height. I look into his deep, blank eyes. I feel a river of tears flow down my cheek. Confused I wipe them away and start to try to unrap the tight grip of the rope off from around his neck. I stugle, for it takes me about a minute to completely unravle the rope. Billy falls to the floor. I jump of this chair and throw the rope on the floor.

   " Billy! Billy please wake up! " I yell with tears running down my red face. I do CPR after I realize he has no pulse. I keep trying. I continue feeling his wrist and neck for even the littlest pound of a heart beat. Ten minutes past by. Nothing. I suddenly stop trying. I collaps from my knees onto my the floor against the island. Still crying, I put my face in my hands and sit there. About a half an hour passes by as I look up at the ticking clock on the wall beihind me. I am breathing quite hard at this time. My eyes reach Billy once again. Death, is all that runs through my mind at this point. Also confusion, though. Why did I even try to help him? He raped me and put me through more pain I have even been through in my whole life. He made my life misrable.

   These questions ran through my had for another half an hour as I sit there crying into my hands, glancing up to look at Billy's pale face. Why did he do this? Another question enters my mind. I think about this one more then the others. Oh my god. It's me. It's my fault he did this. It's my fault his soul is off this world now. I finally realize this. He wasn't lying about his life story he told me about. He was really sorry for what he did to me. I now knew that. All this was my fault. His suicide, all of it. I felt so bad. I started to cry even more. Thinking I wasn't going to be able to stop. I sort of didn't want to stop. I wanted t sit here, in Billy's kitchen, and cry. Forever. In my pain and guilt and depression. I knew it was my fault and that I should have believed him, but I didn't. Now it doesn't even matter. Which pains me even more.

   What about me? maybe, just maybe, if I did that to, I could see him again and apologize in person. I knew that he was going to Hell. Because of what he did to me, and his other girl friend. I figured that since his suicide was my fault that I was deffinatly going to Hell, also. I could meet him there and explain to him. How it was my fault that he is off this earth. It was now deep into the night. Billy's body was starting to stink up the room. Should I call the police? Yes. I decided. It's the right thing. What if they think I did this to him? No. They won't, I will show them the scene where he did it. It will all be okay. should I turn him in though? For what he did to me? Yes. He is dead now. I won't feel as guilty. He would have deserved getting turned in even if he was still here, I think to myself. He did this to me. He put me through all of this agonizing pain. It was wrong.

   I stagered up off the kitchen floor. My shirt now covered with my tears, and the dry blood. Gross. I walk over to the phone. I pick it up and dial 911 with my shaky hands. It rings. Again and again until someone picks it up.

  " Hello, Benton Police department. How may we assist you? " A nice sounding lady says on the other end of the phone.

  " Hello? Hello! Umm I am at 43 Sendal Ave. There is a man here who has jsut commited suiced in the kitchen and I don't know what to do! I'm freaking out and crying and scared and guilty! Please! You have to help me!!! " I scream into the reciever to the woman still freaking out looking at Billy across the room. Lying on the floor. His pale face.

  " Okay Okay just calm down Ma'am. I will send someone over to check out the scene. Just stay put and don't panic, alright? My men will be right over. "

  " Calm down?!?! No panic?!?! My ex boy friend is in here, laying on his kitchen floor, DEAD! You expect me not to panic! "

  " Ma'am. Just stop yelling. Calm down. Take a breath. My men will be there any time now. Goodbye. " She replies back for the last time.

  I slam the phone down on the counter. I am so frustrated! Stupid people don't even get it! Still crying, I break down once again sobing with my face burried into my hands. I finally hear sirens outside. I quickly stand up and go to the small window above the stove. I see the blue lights in the drive way. I see two cops get out of the car and run to the door. An ambulance follows the cop car. Two men get out of that, also. The repetadly knock on the door. It seems to me that they were panicing more then me about this. I ran to the door and opened it. The two cops barged in and and asked where the scene was. I showed them to the kitchen where Billy was still lying lifeless on the floor. I cover my mouth as the cops poke and examine Billy's body. tears stil streaming down my face. I don' think that I can bare to look at Billy one more time, but I keep my eyes glued on him. I can't pull them away. I don't know why, I just can't.

   The cops stand up, ask me some questions, write them down and explain to me the process of what they were going to do. I nod my head as I listen to them explain. The ambulance guys come in with a cover thing. I suppose Billy was going to be put in it. They lay it down, pick Billy's cold body up and places in into the cover and zip it up. My mouth still covered. I am still shocked nad surprisingly guilty. Still. The men carry Billy outside. The cops and I follow them. Is stand in the door way of his house as the men place Billy on the stretcher and load ihm into the back of the ambulance. Still crying the cops tell me again the process of what was going to happen and what I was going to do. I nodded again and said thank you. they left with their lights and sirens still on. I watch them race down the road with Billy, lifelessly laying in the back of the ambulance. With no more breaths left in him. His soul out of him. More tears run down my face, I gasp for a breath and stand there. Looking blankly into the night before me.