Chapter 17

   I sit there i silence. Once again. He is standing by his bedroom window. Peering out into the darkness that lies before him. I look up at him, I can feel the blood dripping down my head form when he slammed my head against the corner of his bed. It hurts. I feel like I'm going to pass out any minute. He looks back at me and I quickly out my head down like I was ever even looking at him.

  " What? Huh? What do you gotta say now? That I'm a sick nasty person? "

  " Umm.... "

   " Just say it alright! I know I am a sick pervert and deserve to die! " As Billy says these words to me, I see in his eyes something that I never thought I would see. A tear. A simple tear run down his cheek. I could see the pain in his eyes just as much as I could feel it in mine. I was confused. Why did he do this to me if he is crying about it now? I ask myself. I wasn't sure. 

  "Why did you- "   

  " Because I thought it would make me feel stronger. More in control, you know? " He says with so much discomfort in his eyes. 

  " So what made you stop? " I as with tears still streaming down my cheeks from the not so much emotional anymore, but mostly physical pain now. 

 " I saw the way you just looked at me when I turned to face you from the window. Like I am a monster. I don't want to be a monster! "

  " Well, you sort of ruined that now, haven't you? " I say in a very mean tone. I felt kind of bad after I sad that but it was the truth. 

 " Not if you don't tell anyone.... " Billy replies hopefully. 

   " Billy, I have to. What am I going to say to my parents when I get home about all these bruises and bleeding? " I lied. My parents were not going to care. I knew it. I would get home, they would be either at a bar some where or some where in the house passed out from being so drunk. I knew that even if they weren't passed out yet and home, they wouldn't care. They wouldn't even question about my appearance. This I knew for sure. 

  " You could lie. Umm tell them that you feel walking down the street or something. "

 " Billy. Look at me! DO you not see what you have done to me? My head is gushing out blood from when you raped me! My wrists are all cut up with blood all dow my arms from the rope you tied so it cut into my wrists! There are bruises covering my whole body! My face is all bruised and look at my eyes, Billy! Are they not all black and blue from when you kept punching me multiple times in the face! yet to mention the blood coming from my mouth, my fore head, and my nose! Can you not see all of these features? These horrible feature that YOU did to me?!?! "  I yell very frustrated and mean at him. 

  As I said this to him, I could see the river of tears started coming down his cheeks. It shocked me. I just had to make him open his eyes! To see what is right in front of him! To see and realize what he had done to me! I could tell he finally say it as he breaks down onto his knees crying his eyes out. I sit there, my eyes glued on him. I had a feeling that he did not do this just because. He did this to feel strong, in control. Like he told me. I suddenly felt bad for him. I felt bad that he put himself through this. 

  Once again, that feeling vanished as he approached me, tears still running down his cheeks as he strikes me in the face again. Why! I though to myself, why would he do it to my again right after he got telling me all this? Was it all just a lie? What he had just got done saying? Yes. I convinced myself. I started to think he was bipolar. I mean, he beats me then apologizes and rips his heart out to me and then beats me again! Who does that!? I ask myself. Him, obviously.