In Silence

I will never forget her. . . She always stole the PEACE I long for. The moment I’m thankful I could breathe from life’s pressures is the minute she bothered me. I. . .I miss her . . . so much.

I met her in college days. She was a classmate. She was just very simple despite of being a rich girl. She did not  aim for rewards  or any recognition. She was just . . . someone who loved to cheer up people. Her optimism, sense of humor, and being friendly made her a role model. I, on the other hand, am very known for being excellent and brilliant. I was serious and goal-oriented while she was hilarious and unfocused. We were like oil and water�"never will be compatible. Seeing her turned me into BEAST mode. I hated fate for always crossing our paths. I was never going to like her, I said to myself; She kept annoying me.  She. . .  kept doing  her best to make me. . . laugh out loud.

And that changed my perspective about her. I got used to her nuisance that my day won’t be completed. After two years, we became good friends from frenemies.  She brought HAPPINESS to my competitive yet somber life. The next year, we became best of friends. We were like twins needing each other. And, as days passed by. . . I saw myself falling in love with her. I couldn’t help myself starting to love her more than friendship. However, my love for her choked me like stem of THORNS binding around my heart. It kept me bleeding. I was struggling not to confess for the fear of losing her�"for our friendship might end. So, I had decided to love her in silence.

Her BEAUTY, inside and out, had always captured me. She was kind and brilliant. She was always there for me. Always. Unlike me, I wasn’t by her side the moments she needed me. I was busy striving for honors and accomplishing my responsibilities as a student leader. Still, she showed me sweet smiles and told me she was fine. She became my number one fan and motivator. She became part of me; she was one of the sources of my strength.

I thought we will never be apart. I just thought.

After the graduation, I lost sight of her. She vanished without a trace. Or maybe . . . she was waiting for me. I wish I had handed her the bouquets of ROSES I bought every weekend. I wish I had given her the love letters I wrote full of love. I wish I had confessed how much I love her. I wish I had . . . shared my thought . . . that she was the woman I wanted to be with forever.

Everything is just a wish. . .

Right now, I can’t contain my nervousness. After a year of searching and looking for my best friend, she contacted me to meet in this park�"a special place for both of us. She saw me crying in here. She hugged me to comfort me. Whew!  I’m very excited. I’m very happy. I can’t explain the emotions I’m feeling at this very point of time. I stand under this tree�"this tree that witnessed our friendship; this tree that knew how I slowly fall in love for her. This tree knows my secret of being in love with my best friend. Hmm. . .I look up to its leaves as I can’t help not to smile until ears.

“Kevin?”

I glimpsed back. Before me is the woman I have been searching. Alas! I see her again. Such happiness she brings is making my heart beats in rhythm with nature’s music. I am so glad! I want to jump to embrace her but I have step back . . . for she shows me a frown face. I know what that sad face of hers means. I ask, “What’s wrong? You look so pale and- -You cut your hair until neck- -you- -What’s the matter?”

 

She hands me an envelope. She can’t look at me in my eyes as she gives the white envelope. My joy is shattered and I start to feel broken. A card was inside. My tears drop on that special scented paper. I can clearly see the writing. It is an invitation card,  a wedding invitation. She is inviting me for her wedding. I decided not to open the card for that will stab me like a sword. I'm fighting my tears not to fall but I can’t bear the pain I’m feeling. I gasp for air. My heavy heart exploded that tears start streaming down. Under this same tree, she sees me crying, again.

Silence covers the atmosphere. I utter no words for I am speechless.  But, I need to say something. Right? So I fake a smile, “You’re getting mar-ried? I mean, uhm, that’s- -that’s great. Haha! Cong-congratulations. . .I'm happy for you.” Lie. I want to walk away but my feet are frozen.

She is stealing my peace, again. I’m so disturbed.

The quietness between us lasts like forever until she speaks.  She voices out, “We went abroad for Dad’s surgery. Sadly. . . he died few months ago. So many things had happened. I’m sorry for leaving you without a goodbye. My Mom. . .she broke down and our business started to be insolvent. Good thing my. . .Aunt arranged a marriage for me. That will save us. That will be next month. Please. . .come.”

 

I HOPE she is not doing this to me. I hope she just. . .forgets me. I hope. . .this is just a dream. I need to wake up. Before I realized it, she is walking away. She is leaving me again. I. . .I can’t take that truth. So I call out her name�"pleading for her to stay just some more seconds.

“Kate!”

She turns back and shows me that bitter smile. I know that smile. It means she is suffering from something sorrowful. She fakes a smile, “Hm?”

I gather up my courage. I sigh. “Does-does he loves you?” She nodded. I raise another question, “Do. . . do you love him?”

And she looks away. I see pearl of tears starting to form in the corner of her eyes. Her tears are falling down. She clears her throat as she answers, “I tried. Eventually. . .maybe I’ll love him, eventually. It’s just that. . . I’m still in love with my best friend until now. I tried to love the man  Aunt- -I just can’t. My heart belongs to someone already- -“

Before she continues what she was saying, I take steps heading to her. When I got closer, I pull her into my caress and wrapped my arms around her. I embrace her so tight as if I would lose her the moment I let her go. My tears stream down like a fall. She starts to sob as I begin to whimper.

I gasped for air. Then, I say, “We’ve been. . . we’ve been loving each other in silence. Foolish me. I’m not going to lose you again.”

She hugs me back�"so tight. This time, it is I who comforts her�"even if I don’t know what’s going to happen next. It’s not too late for us, right?

Underneath the shade of this tree, we will no longer love each other in silence.