Wikipedia defines, “Dating” as:
”Dating is a form
of courtship, and may include any social
activity undertaken by, typically, two persons
with the aim of each assessing the other’s
suitability as a partner in an intimate
relationship or as a spouse.”
What
is covered in this document:
Location Of Your Date
Sharing
Cost Issues
Time
Availability For You
Are They
Dating Others
Tidiness
Spouse
& Baggage
Unbreakable Habits
Legality
& Underage
Allure
& Infidelity
Holding
Hands
Hugging
& Holding Each Other
Caressing
Hair
Kissing,
Not On The Lips
Kissing
On The Lips
Who,
What, Where, When, Why, How
What I will not be covering is the
Friendzone. If you are the in the Friendzone
with then you should be grateful you’re in the
circle at all and not stuck at home alone
piddling with yourself.
So with that
in mind, keep reading.
I want to confirm with you now, I am
not a doctor, neither a psychiatrist, or even a
dating or marriage counselor.
I am someone just concerned at the
preconceived notions I’ve seen the majority of
“dating” used for, and try to help you avoid
some of the serious pitfalls that can land you
in terrible trouble later, not just with them,
but their parents, and possibly law enforcement.
First off, you should understand that
dating does not automatically entail that you
are immediately looking for a partner to marry
and have kids and live happily
ever *blttzz*
No, dating is for
fun ! And sure, it can always lead up to other
things, but take it slow, find out what your
mate likes and dislike first. Explore this. I
think you’ll have more fun finding out about
each others psyche before you proceed much
further than that.
And understand,
dating can occur between two males, much as they
may like to deny it, between two girls, easier
to understand, and of course quite simply
between a boy and girl. But there are a few
things you should remember.
What are you
dating for ? If you are dating just to get into
someone’s pants, while I cannot deny entirely
you may be able to do this with an unwilling
partner, there are far reaching consequences
described below. The least of which is getting
in trouble with them, their folks, and
ultimately law enforcement.
Hopefully not
that.
No, I think
dating is especially important for CONTACT. Not
just hand-holding, but if that is permitted, go
for it. No, even just a friendly handshake
meeting each other, a cuff on the shoulder to
acknowledge recognizing someone, and so forth.
PLAN what you are
going to do. Sure, dating can be messing around
on the couch but, once again, that can have
consequences. Put together a schedule of what
you want to do. Have something enjoyable for
both parties. Don’t have one pay the entire way,
have it go both ways.
If they can’t do
that solely because they are a boy or a girl and
that is their only claim to requiring the other
to pay, I would find another partner. If they
financially cannot, you should still consider
finding someone else. A GOOD date is one that
can go both ways, you pay sometimes, they pay
others.
Women like to shop !
Well, they do ! And that costs money.
It’s pretty common for the B/F to pay for
everything, but ask yourself a question, why are
you dating them ?
I know it’s considered to be common for
a B/F to buy things for the G/F, but I want to
clear up a few preconceived notions about this.
It should be fair, is my opinion on the subject.
If you are dating
solely on the fact someone is young and
beautiful, realize something. If you know it’s
temporary and you don’t plan to go anywhere with
it, well ― you’re on your own.
But if you’re
dating to find a truly meaningful relationship
with a loving partner, go for what’s INSIDE the
person, and that can be VERY hard to find
sometimes, and often takes years of experience
searching.
Almost anyone can be young, (they have
to be at some point in their life), and most
anyone can look great, or sexy or bodilicous,
with lots of vitamins, exercise, sleep, diet,
proper perfume or musk, hair-color, shampoo. If
you’re a woman you can add nail polish,
flattering sexy skirts, thigh-high stockings,
etc.
Face it, you look like a prostitute or
a muscle-builder, MOST folks are going to like
it. But what does that say about you ?
Now, I’m not
saying this is detrimental to a date but if a
B/F or G/F is vain to the point THAT is their
key attribute, their physical appearance, then
you’re probably not going to get much out of the
date, unless one of two things, you want to show
your “buds” or “gals” what a fox or stud you
have with you.
The other being
you’re going for the hope of getting in their
pants, still not a very good reason, described
below.
Find someone with
similar interests and ask yourself, what kind of
person are you looking for ? We are all uniquely
different in the creator’s image, and very few
of us ever share too many characteristics of
another, either externally or internally (in the
brain).
Right, so with the understanding there
are literally HUNDREDS of people within your
area, start to focus on some important issues,
and forgive me if this sounds like you are
buying a piece of real estate, but you DO need
to consider these factors when planning serious
long-term dating or relationships:
[1] Location, are
they close to where you live ?
[2] Price, is
he/she okay with sharing costs ?
[3] Busyness, do
they have time for you ?
[4] Availability,
how many people do they date ?
[5] Cleanliness,
discounting body appearance are they neat ?
[6] Baggage,
children, roommates, parents
[7] Unbreakable
habits, smoking & drinking
[8] Legality,
self-explanatory
[9] Allure &
Infidelity
Let’s start with
these.
[1] Location, are
they close to where you live ?
Most of us have cars or have some form
of transportation to get us from point A to B.
If you’re date does not have this, then it could
be detrimental for long-term dating. Consider
the wear and tear on your vehicle if say you’re
in Texas and they live in Houston and you want
to see each other every week. That’s extreme,
but you get the idea.
[2] Price, is he/she
okay with sharing costs ?
One important question, is your date
willing to share the cost of items with you.
Hey, it’s okay to buy a nice $1 gift
occasionally for them, there’s nothing wrong
with that. No, I’m referring to the fact that
they spend $100 out of your wallet every time
you see them, and that’s a consistent pattern.
Despite how desirable they may seem, this is not
a good date. I’m going to be firm on that.
[3] Busyness, do
they have time for you ?
Even when you’re not dating them, you
want to call them up occasionally on the phone
and see how things are. If they are so busy they
cannot find the time to talk to you on the phone
or can only see you in person once a month,
there’s a good chance that’s not to turn into
anything very serious unless their situation
changes.
[4] Availability, how many people do
they date ?
I think everyone wants to date someone
where they are ONLY seeing you. While that may
be possible, it’s not entirely likely,
especially if they are physically attractive and
young, once again, these being detrimental
long-term if they are VAIN.
There ARE people out there not dating,
don’t ever tell yourself that you have no choice
and MUST date someone that is already dating
other people.
Mind you, if you
are good with the fact your date is seeing other
people, then that does expand your choices of
people to flirt and fraternize with. But
remember, their B/F’s and G/F’s may also be
jealous, just like you, so consider that when
choosing.
[5] Cleanliness,
discounting body appearance, are they neat ?
Now, I’m not saying people live in a
pig sty or anything, but if you visit them and
nothing is ever cleaned up, everything is a
disaster area, and maybe you even see empty
pizza boxes with a cold slice saved for a later
midnight snack sitting on the floor, ask
yourself, do you really want to date, long-term,
someone that lives like this ?
And by all means don’t make the mistake
of becoming their MAID instead of their friend
because that could be all they are looking for
if they live in a mountain of mess.
[6] Baggage,
children, roommates, parents
This is a touchy subject. If someone
appears perfect in every way, especially
physically, there’s a good chance they have
baggage. That they may have been in prison and
have a criminal record, they may have children
they aren’t telling you about, they may have
roommates but give the appearance to live alone,
have an ex-husband but tell you otherwise, or
even be married !
Be very careful here ! Some
unscrupulous people are going to do their LEVEL
BEST to hide stuff like this.
Hopefully there is shared honesty
between the two of you.
[7] Unbreakable
habits, smoking & drinking
To my knowledge, no-one can quit
smoking unless they have EXTREME will-power and
because of the large # of smokers still out
there, it’s a rare thing. Do you smoke ? Do they
?
If one is yes and two is no then you
might not get along for that reason, long-term.
They’re not going to quit for you, not the first
time they meet.
Do they drink ?
Social drinks, a beer when you visit or
something is fine. No, I’m talking about
MARINATED dates. If they get themselves drunk to
the point you have to take them home and pour
them out with a ladle, ask yourself, do you want
this long-term, as well ?
Maybe you do.
Maybe you like taking advantage of a drunk date.
There’s all kinds of people out there. Just
remember, they have to sober up sometime and
when they do, you had better not done anything
untoward or you could be in real trouble !
Other habits
include, of course, drugs, not the prescription
kind, the kind you buy on the street. Now, if
you’re into that sort of thing, be my guest, but
I will tell you, if someone is involved in
illegal drugs, they are buying them from people
that do handle guns and if you don’t pack one
yourself, that might not be a good reason to
date long-term, you have to decide. I’m only
warning you.
[8] Legality
I don’t know what the youngest age is
for dating. I think if you’re 15 and they’re 15,
you can go for it. If you’re 18 and they’re 17,
I think it’s considered illegal. This is tricky
stuff !
Try to keep it
legal age which I think is 18. And remind
yourself, if you are dating an 18-year old and
you yourself are 30 or so, they’re a KID and as
such, you’re probably not going to get any
scintillating conversation out of it unless you
like talking about their school and their teen
interests.
CPT-Plaid, a
friend of mine adds the following:
One
must check state regulation on the subject, as
legal age varies from 14-18 in most states (I
remember that Alabama has the lowest age of
consent).
Parents
are the ‘legal guardians’ charged to take care
of a ‘minor’ and are legally impowered to act in
the ‘best interests’ of their charge. Even if
their child’s spouse is also underaged and
consents to participating in any physical act
(they can have notorized statements permitting
kissing, but that statement is worthless because
they are underaged).
The
parents can press charges against said spouse. I
had a friend in high school who when through
these hoops several times, and (depending on the
judge) no sexual contact has to be made to
warrant a restraining order.
So even if you date someone underage
and you don’t do anything, they can claim Jack
Dempsey and still get you in a TON of trouble by
their words alone, and opens up all kinds of
interesting blackmail opportunities, if not by
them, by anyone who knows, like relatives. If
you’re having a shady relationship, of ANY kind,
you’re going to get hurt in the long run or open
yourself up for a world of hurt. Don’t risk it.
[9] Allure
& Infidelity
This is one of
the strongest traits to consider in dating. If
your date literally blows you off your feet with
their sexual allure and melts you in your socks,
then there’s a GOOD chance you’re gonna be
paying for everything, doing things you may not
want, and close your eyes to the top 8 IMPORTANT
attributes we just talked about !
Think with your brain,
not with your shorts !
Plenty of time
for your shorts later, especially if you want
long-term commitments.
Also realize, if
they are a knockout, there’s a good chance
you’re not the only one they “do” this for, so
you have the opportunity of jealous ex-husbands,
ex-boyfriends, and the like. A sexually alluring
date is often high maintenance and generally
expensive to boot. Watch yourself, don’t expect
miracles, and count your financial losses when
the day is over.
Ok, we’ve gone over a few points, now
let’s consider the primary adolescent reason for
dating …
SEX !
Yes,
it’s come down to this. Whether it’s a one-night
stand or long-term, if it’s JUST for SEX unless
you are both horndogs with no commitments and the
hell with the consequences, you’re STILL going to
run into problems. Bear with me on this.
Here’s a few
interesting points you need to consider. And
this is for a WILLING date that does want to
have sex with you, “go all the way.” as they
say.
Pregnancy. You
get your date pregnant and you hadn’t expected
to, then she’s got all kinds of interesting ways
of the government helping her, and a great deal
of them involve YOUR money (the boyfriend’s).
One minute of pleasure can definitely balance
out to be a lifetime of financial misery.
Obviously this leads to things you may not want
including marriage, alimony, and palimony.
These are for
LIFE, kiddos.
Know that there
is no way to stop pregnancy at all with or
without unprotected sex. I don’t care if you
take the condom and climb inside the rubber
casing, there is STILL a chance of getting her
pregnant. And EVEN if you don’t get her pregnant
and she gets pregnant from some OTHER boyfriend,
she can claim YOU did because you WERE with her
in a manner conducive of it.
(I know legal
testing can confirm this now, but you still have
the anguish of waiting for results, and the
embarrassment if you were trying to cover up you
weren’t screwing him or her at all).
Additionally,
know this, if you have sex with someone, you are
ALSO having sex with every single person they
have ever had sex with. NEVER FORGET THAT ! So
if you are dating someone and you know they date
other people AND they have sex with you I
GUARANTEE they are having sex with them as well
which means you are having sex with ALL OF THEM.
A gentle reminder
to let you know what you are putting your thing
into, or allowing others to put their thing into
you.
Kind of takes the
fun out of it I know, but our Creator had
planned for that thing to be used to make
babies. One way or another he is gonna get
babies out of that crazy thing eventually. Try
to make it the right way.
Planned
pregnancy.
Now, there are STILL a large # of ways
you can have fun with someone if you insist on
physical pleasure. I am going to mention the
tamest to the extreme, but still have the least
chance of getting someone pregnant. I am listing
these ONLY IN THE HOPES of curbing unwanted teen
pregnancies.
I don’t really
fixate on any of these except the first one,
holding hands, cause that to me is the greatest
thing in the world.
[1] Holding
hands, romantic
[2] Hugging,
romantic
[3] Caressing
each other’s hair, romantic
[4] Kissing not
the lips, passionate
[5] Kissing the
lips, passionate
Anything listed as romantic,
you’re gonna be just fine.
[1] With
hand holding, make sure they have clean hands.
Some people are very critical about germs so
that may not work with everyone. To me, it is
the single most important sign of love. Well,
I’m hung up on holding hands.
But don’t mind me … 
You hold someone’s hand, and you are
showing you CARE for them. There is a trust, a
bond between the two of you. And support when
you are scared or feeling insecure about
something or if you need guidance.
[2] Hugging. You can release so much stress
in each other with a good hug. Make it long
ones, give your parents a good bear hug and
growl like a bear when you do it. You’ll
surprise them and still show your love for them.
Honestly people, there is so much you can do
with hugging and in truth I really see very
little of it today.
[3] Caressing
the hair or the head. Aside from washing and
brushing our hair, there is very little
sensation that can be matched by having a lover
caress our hair, all over, right around the
sides of the temples, the ears, the neck. You
can go crazy with this too.
Focus especially
right on the top, the scalp. While you can
caress a woman’s hair that extends down her
back, there are no real nerve-endings in the
hair so keep it at where the body can feel it.
Anything listed
as passionate is safe, but read the
considerations and warnings.
[4] Kissing,
not the lips. The hand, or the neck, or the
cheek. I’m going to mention early BAD BREATH
will ruin any chance you hope of kissing,
whatever part of the body you are going for. For
God’s sake keep your mouths clean before you
kiss. A peppermint, mouthwash, whatever. A
really good kiss can go a long way to sealing a
close friendship.
[5] Kissing
on the lips. The importance of a clean mouth is
paramount now but KNOW that there is a rare
chance to contract diseases if someone does not
have a clean mouth in some way.
Know that when
you kiss someone on the lips, you are kissing
every single person they have kissed prior to
them thoroughly brushing their teeth. Kissing is
pretty common in the world though, so don’t
worry about it too much.
Kissing can be
done in so many different ways too. If you are
slow and deliberate and they are content with
the way you are doing it, well go for it kids.
Kissing is still a very passionate sign of
affection and quite acceptable today, even out
in public.
Phew ! Don’t worry, I just turned on
the air-conditioner ! 
Okay ! You’ve got some of the basics,
now let’s focus on the psyche, the most
important part of long-term dating. I’m serious
about this. If you don’t click on these, it
won’t work. Trust me. What do you like ? What do
they like ? The easiest way to answer this would
be the classic questions.
Who, What,
Where, When, Why, and How.
Who do they
like ? Their friends, her favorite actors,
movie-stars, school buddies. The more interest
you express in finding out about your partner,
the more they know you are really interested in
them as a human being and not as something to
show others whom you are dating.
What do they
like ? Favorite food, movies, activities.
Treat them occasionally to their favorite food,
if it’s not expensive. Watch their favorite
movie, especially if you like it too. Spend some
time doing their favorite activities. What would
that be ? Bicycling, shopping, surfing the
internet.
Where do they
go ? Favorite locations, restaurants,
friends’ homes, hang outs. Spend a little time
with them at their favorite places. Meet some of
their friends there. Always share your time so
you give them a little of yours and they give
you a little of theirs.
When do they
arrive or leave ? Schedule your times so
it’s convenient for both of you to get together.
The weekend is an obvious choice but see if you
can see each other anywhere between
Monday-Thursday or even a Sunday. The advantage
being, when you are out and about, you will have
less people shopping and milling about in the
stores, in the mall, and in the restaurants.
Get the WHEN
worked out so it’s good for both of you.
Why are they ?
This is a difficult question. What are they
hoping to do with their life ? What are their
dreams, their fantasies, where do they want to
be years from now. This one question is pinnacle
to all others. If you can find out what makes
someone tick then you are that much closer to
their deepest desires and their aspirations. Be
part of them, hold a hand out for support and
help them with it, both physically and mentally.
How do they ?
Also difficult. How do they go about their lives
? Are you comfortable with this ? We each have
the way we make it from day to day, try and find
out how they do it themselves. By no means
should you make any suggestions on how else to
do it, but if it’s detrimental, gently, as a
friend, a lover, point it out to them. Give them
the opportunity to include you in their
life-path. This is what you want long-term.
I also can’t
emphasize how important is to GET OUTSIDE. I’m
no mathematician but I suspect the odds are
greater of you meeting a stranger you will
become friends with when you are OUTSIDE than if
you are cooped up inside your own home.
Looking to make
new friends ? There are a great many places to
find them, and not all of them curtail bars and
taverns. There are also holiday parties,
get-togethers, and if the church scene is not
for you, you can also become a volunteer for the
community. That’s how I meet many people myself.
Clearly, the more
footprints you leave in this world, the better
the chance you have of someone noticing you ―
and that someone will be a person you REALLY
would want to meet. And you wanna know why ?
It’s cause THEY want to meet you in return !
That about sums it up ! If there’s
anything I missed, feel free to ask me.
I hope you
learned a little bit from this, as I undoubtedly
learned a bit in writing it. Please, take care
of yourselves, don’t spend all your time alone,
our Creator never intended that for us. There’s
someone out there for EVERYONE, and by all
means, think of the LONG TERM benefits as you
date someone new. And see to it that they are
looking for the same thing.
And have a good (and safe) time out
there people ! 
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